I did it. Nobody thought I would. I guess that's fair, maybe I didn't think I would. But I did it. Inked. I put ink on my skin permanently. Not just any ink of course. Ink that means something, ink that when I look at it or when my peripheral catches it I am reminded. On one wrist I inked the Hebrew word shalom, you've listened to my thoughts about shalom before. (For a refresher or if you haven't you can click here.) On the other wrist, the right one, the Hebrew word selah. Say what? Selah.
If you've been around me enough you've heard me say the word. I'll use it to respond to a particularly moving or profound statement/insight. I'll use it when reacting to an event that is touching or special. And it kind of makes people hesitate. "What did she say? Selah? Where have I seen that word before?" Let me help you out. The Book of Psalm. You've seen it if you have read in the Book of Psalm. It shows up right away in Psalm 3 and is frequently used throughout the book. What does it mean? What is its purpose? Why is it used? All three of those answers are fortunately found in one answer, the answer of selah.
Selah* is a mystery word. Its origins are unknown so they have been guessed at and its meaning is unknown so it has been guessed at. As with many words/phrases it is possible it came into being to mean one thing but has evolved into what the modern meaning is for today. And the modern meaning is my focus, my intent, and the very reason why I permanently inked my skin with the characters, jots, and tittles that make up the Hebrew word selah.
The word caught my attention years ago. It's easy to zoom past. It's generally italicized and off to the side in perhaps smaller font. One might dismiss it, move past it with the thought, "Oh that's just some Hebrew thing that doesn't apply to me today, now, at all." One might be wrong. If it's there at least give it some attention to find out its purpose. When you write something you don't include a word for no reason do you? So what's up with this word? In the Amplified Version of the Bible, which is one of my favorite versions because it expounds on the words and gives them depth that our english language doesn't possess, the word selah is expanded to mean this: pause and think on that. In other words, stop for a moment - don't rush past what was just said - reflect on what was just said about God or what God himself just said - how does what was just said apply to your own life - pause for just a moment on what you just read/heard and consider it.
We rush. And if it's something we have heard or read before we rush even quicker through the passage like it's a checklist and we just need to mark it off so we can move on. We are uncomfortable with taking the time we might need, that the passage might need, that the moment might need, to find understanding and reflect. But really, what's our rush? Do we have a deadline? The fact is we don't have any deadlines but our reality has somehow convinced us that we do. So we rush through, missing the jots and tittles of meaning, missing the richness of the word, missing the moment we could have had.
And so I did it. I placed a permanent reminder, on my dominant (and therefore very busy, always rushing) side. A reminder to pause. A reminder to slow down. A reminder to stop rushing when there's no real rush. A reminder to not miss the jots and tittles of moments with people, with events, with God himself. A reminder to consider before I go forward with either action or word.
A reminder, forever, to build my life around selah combined with shalom.
We've been talking about baggage recently. Not the kind of baggage you can see but the kind that is felt. It can be, and it is, felt in everyday interactions with other people or in how a situation is handled and approached. And we have this unspoken, maybe even unacknowledged, expectation for other people to carry our baggage for us. We press them into service as a personal sherpa. And that's not anyone's job in life - to be the personal sherpa for another's emotional baggage.
Galatians 6:2 talks about carrying the burdens of life for one another. And I hate to break it to *you* but carrying doesn't mean what you might want it to mean. It doesn't mean that we enslave another person to carry our stuff. It actually means that we come alongside someone, help them shoulder the burden in ways that help to lighten, heal, and sort it out. It doesn't mean that we assume responsibility for someone's baggage. It does mean that we can help them unpack it.
Packing is a lot different, at least for me, than unpacking. When I pack for a trip I fold things, roll things, consolidate as much as possible. If someone opened my bag to search it they would find a rather organized pack job. But coming home? That's a whole different story. Forget folding, rolling, and even consolidating. I shove it all in, haphazardly, and hope the bag doesn't pop open or get searched. It's a mess. Our baggage, the felt not the seen, is a lot like the coming home packing. We've taken hurts, anger, and other things and shoved them in without paying much attention to them. As a result our baggage is close to bursting.
Have you ever had your luggage explode open on you? What a mess. What an embarrassment (hello undies)! What an inconvenience. Have you ever exploded? It's messy right? It can be embarrassing, if not right away then later on. And it can be very inconvenient depending on who is around when the explosion happens (job loss, relationship loss, etc). Instead of walking around wondering when my baggage is going to explode I prefer unpacking it as quickly as possible. It's true, I could repack it for the trip home in a more organized way - that's always the plan. But usually I get to that moment and I just don't want to think about that item any longer, I just want to pack it away. Cue the haphazard pack job.
Galatians 6:2, between the lines, means helping one another to unpack. That is what carry means in that particular scripture. But unpacking is a little weird right? I mean you've got your dirty undies and your stinky socks. I know I don't want anyone having to see, handle, or deal with those - I don't even want to myself! That's why we usually try to unpack our baggage alone. But sometimes we can't. We just can't. It's too messy, too hard, too hurtful, too much. Sometimes, actually I would argue all of the time, we need help unpacking our "felt" baggage. But it can't be just anyone. It has to be "the right one."
Ecclesiastes talks about seasons in chapter 3. And just like there is a season for everything we experience in life there are also people for different times of our lives. I've had people be the "right one" for certain seasons and then suddenly they no longer are. God knows our needs and he knows what kind of people we need for each season and for each piece of baggage that needs to be unpacked. So the "right person" may be just right for popping open the bag for us. Or maybe they are going to help us sort the mess inside. Or, and this is the biggie, maybe they are going to help us handle the dirty and stinky and get it cleaned up.
And not every piece of baggage we carry is the same. Just like literal baggage comes in a variety of sizes, materials, and functions so does our "felt" baggage. Some of our emotional baggage is small and compact, easily unpacked and forgotten. But some of our emotional baggage is like what I call one piece of baggage I have. I call this suitcase the "Mack Daddy." This piece is HUGE. It was a gift from a dear couple and it weighs - empty - something like 12 pounds. It is massive. And while Mack Daddy is great for packing a lot of stuff, it is cumbersome. It's large (understatement). It can become that piece of luggage that everyone avoids. (Thank goodness for its wheels!) Sometimes our emotional baggage resembles Mack Daddy - cumbersome and the piece that everyone avoids. Sometimes we have a piece of emotional baggage that is so stuffed full it exceeds weight limits (of the heart and mind that is). So as varied as our "felt" baggage is so will be the variety of "right people" in our lives to help us unpack.
And the flip side is true. We will be someone's "right person" to help them unpack and our role won't always be the same - it will depend on the person who needs help unpacking and the size of their baggage. I've participated in all the roles - zipping it open for them, sort the mess out, and even the biggie. I've helped some handle and unpack the dirty and the stinky and get it cleaned up.
Everyone has baggage. Let's love each other enough to refuse to haul it around and offer to help unpack it instead.
I am not *your* baggage claim and *you* are not mine. Listen, we all have our baggage - that's not the point. The point is I have my own to haul and you have yours. Don't make me get yours, I don't have the capacity, and I won't make you pick up mine. I can't be responsible for your baggage just like you can't be for mine. So quit trying to make me pick yours up, assume responsibility for it, and carry it yourself.
I'm adjusted to the way my baggage rolls, the way it feels when I handle it, and the quirks it might possess (wobbly wheels, sticky handle, stubborn zipper, etc). I can get around pretty smoothly with my baggage because I know it. But when someone else pushes their baggage on to me, expecting me to keep the same pace with this additional load that isn't mine, then I slow down. I get clumsy and unsure.
I recognize my baggage right away. It has a distinct marker on it so I don't have to guess at which is mine. But if I'm made to get someone else's baggage then I have to look at each tag as it glides by me on the carousel. It slows everyone down.
There's a reason why airlines ask if you have left your baggage alone at any point in time or if someone you don't know has asked you to carry theirs. Because airlines recognize that sometimes it isn't safe or wise to take on someone else's baggage. If the airlines get that then surely *we* can too.
Lately I've been having some baggage issues. Some of my own baggage got opened and searched and some of my co-workers have been attempting to make me their personal sherpa's and haul their baggage around. Listen, I'm not here to haul your stuff around for you. I'm not here to carry it for you. I'm not here to be your proxy baggage handler. Do you see me foisting my baggage on to *you*? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another's burdens. That doesn't mean what *you* might want it to mean. A few years ago I was taking a big trip. I had never taken this kind of trip before and I was at a loss as to how to pack for it. One of my three's came over one day and packed me up. I helped some but she took the lead and showed me the way. She helped to carry my burden of baggage for a season but she didn't assume responsibility for it nor did she come along on my trip and act as my personal sherpa. I had to take care of my own baggage, I alone was responsible for it. She helped me to carry it, sort it out, and lighten up but she couldn't, and didn't, take it on as her own. That's the living out of Galatians 1:2. God doesn't mean for us to haul other's burdens - that's not what "carry" means in this case. He means for us to walk alongside, shoulder some of it in ways that help lighten, heal, and sort it out. If someone else carries my baggage for me I'm not going to learn what it is like to carry my own and sort it out for myself. We each have to learn how to handle our own baggage and not attempt to transfer ownership to someone else.
Listen, I can't, and shouldn't, haul your baggage around for you just as you shouldn't for me. But I am willing, like one of my three's did, to help you - not pack it up but rather unpack it. When it comes to the kind of baggage we are hauling around with us everyday we don't need any help packing that up thankyouverymuch, but am I right when I point out that when it comes to unpacking we could use a hand, well actually a heart, to help us?
This morning I heard of a game night that happened with a bunch of people I know. Most of them from work but some of them I knew from before my current workplace. I wasn't invited. Let's be honest, I probably wouldn't have gone anyway but it still stung a wee bit that I wasn't invited. I think I know why I wasn't, I can speculate with a pretty decent degree of accuracy why I wasn't. Still, it stung just a wee bit. And then I got over myself.
Reality check.
I am not for everyone. My humor (or lack thereof), my personality (hello rare INFJ), my expression of faith (I observe Biblical Festivals and eat Kosher say whaaaa?), my work style (Type A which means I procrastinate until I can do it "perfect"), my laugh (I'm betting someone is annoyed by it), my tone of voice (same - someone is annoyed by it), my inflexibility when it comes to treatment of people (yeah, I'm so weird - I think grace should win), my inability to be brief (this post is shaping up to be a good example of that), my hermit tendencies (I go off the grid every weekend possible), my uncanny discernment abilities (makes people squirm), and so much more.
Reality checked.
I am not for everyone.
Oh guess what? Neither are you.
There's your reality check.
But there's good news.
Really good news actually.
You are for someone and I am too. There are people out there who "get" me and "get" you too. They understand, tolerate, maybe even like our idiosyncrasies. Not everyone has to like us and we don't have to like everyone. It's really okay. We are looking for quality over quantity anyway. Right? (Nod your head yes) Quality is always better than quantity and let's be honest, I'm not quality for some people and they aren't quality for me and it's okay. It's really okay.
One final thought.
I'm not for everyone and not everyone is for me BUT. But that doesn't mean I don't extend grace, kindness, compassion, and courtesy to everyone. Treating people with courtesy regardless of the relationship I have with them or they have with me is a non-negotiable.
It's a non- negotiable for me.
Oh guess what? For you too.
When the static begins I notice, as anyone does when static comes across the airwaves. Before fiddling with the dial to try and adjust past the static I wait to see if it corrects itself. Sometimes I know I'm just in a "dead spot" and in a matter of seconds the static will disappear and the frequency will be crystal clear again. But other times the static persists and so I start to fiddle with the dial - go up just a smidge, go down just a smidge. When my fiddling doesn't change the static I go radio silent. That static is annoying, right?
As it turns out static doesn't happen just on the airwaves, it happens in my life too. Sometimes the static that begins is a blip, a momentary "dead spot" that I know will disappear after a good night's sleep or a book (or two) read. But when the static doesn't clear up I start fiddling with my dials - adjust a smidge here and a smidge there. And when the fiddling doesn't change the static I go radio silent. My transmitter needs some maintenance.
The static comes without warning and I have yet to figure out its triggers. At first I thought it might be time of year/season related but then I went radio silent when I didn't expect. So the conclusion is it happens when it happens and I need to stayed tuned in to myself. The problem with the static that leads me to radio silence is I go silent with everyone in my life - without warning or notice I basically drop off the grid, I go underground, I retreat. I go silent.
Things have been static the past month or so. I've been fiddling with my dials but in the past few days I have noticed that I'm off the grid as much as I can be considering I work full time. Going radio silent shows up in different ways. I watch more TV, I read less, I have to talk myself out of bed and into life every day, I'm listless, I'm indifferent, I can't find energy to respond to the simplest of texts, I procrastinate, I quit engaging with my 3's and 12's, and more.
I know what dials to fiddle with. I may up my morale boosting activities, purposely schedule coffee and lunch with friends, take naps as often as I can, find a project at home or work to focus on, give myself some space to clear the static, I keep to my routine and commitments as much as possible. And sometimes that fiddling works and hardly anyone is the wiser to the static I just had to clear.
I go radio silent when the fiddling doesn't work and that static gets so annoying that I have to power down. I cannot gather myself enough to even send out an alert to people who should know I'm dropping off the grid. It just happens and I leave in the silence people who I love and care about and who love and care about me. And then one day, out of the blue (pun intended), I'm powered back on and no static is present. My transmitter is working again.
I can't explain these static filled and silent times. And they make me feel guilty for friends and family lost in my radio silence, perplexed at why the static didn't clear, literally exhausted physically and mentally. I wonder when I power back on who will still be hanging around, understanding that I had retreated not because of them but because of me, loving me in spite of my sudden and confusing silence. I don't blame people when they drift away - it's hard to be in close relationship with someone who goes radio silent with no warning. I'm always awed when people close in around me even though I'm not aware they have until the static clears and I'm back on the air.
I work for a radio station so I have learned a very small amount about the airwaves, transmitters, and such. When we have storms in our various markets and the signal goes to static or silent we hear about it from our listeners. I imagine over the years we have lost some listeners in some of our markets that seem to perpetually be static or silent but we also have retained a lot of listeners because they understand things happen and as wonderful as technology is, it is also subject to breakdown from time to time. We are grateful for the listeners who hang in there with us, through static and silence. I, too, am grateful in my own personal life for those who hang in there with me, through the static and silence.
One morning recently my oldest redhead came into my room and said, "Mommy? You need to get up" and pulled the blankets off of me. Then she started up the shower and got a towel out for me. I laid there for another minute pouting. Then I groaned and got out of bed. FINE. I guess I need to be an adult today.
Being an adult is not for the faint of heart, no wonder some people fight against it. You have to show up to a job and make money to pay bills and own your actions and words and a lot more! It's tough being an adult and it's tiring. I'm exhausted from behaving like a grown-up for so long. Sometimes I just want to lay down in my Grandma's lap and watch TV like I did when I wasn't yet a grown-up. I thought I had it rough then. Psh.
I mean, sure, there are some perks to being an adult. Although outside of being able to drink legally
I'm feeling a little hard pressed to come up with any perks right now. And let's face it, in order to keep adulting day after day I need to be able to drink some. *wink*
When I was graduating from High School, as the oldest redhead is about to do, all my classmates were so ready to be "adults." I think I was the only one on graduation day in tears from fear rather than excitement. I was perfectly fine as was, I did not think being an adult was going to be all that great - I mean, it came with a lot of responsibility and I was not ready for it. Not at all. In fact, I'm still not ready for it.
It seems I'm not the only one who thinks this adulting gig is a joke. I read this article a while back and felt the comfort of solidarity. There are others like me. Others who think dusting is highly overrated and forgets to feed the family now and then (or in reality only feeds the family now and then). There are others who believed the deception of adulting being this wonderful thing and instead just want to crawl back into the blanket fort and resume coloring. I'm guessing Netflix was created by a bunch of exhausted adults who needed to create an acceptable form of escape. God bless them, whoever they are.
My heart races, I break out in sweat, my mouth becomes a cotton field, the butterflies in my stomach transform into buzzing locusts. This is what happens when I am forced to remember that I am the adult in a situation or within a group of people and so I have to behave like it. And I'm never quite positive that I can pull it off, that I can successfully act like an adult, or think like one, I'm not sure I know how to speak like an adult, or even look like one. Isn't there someone else, anyone else, who can be the adult right now? I might even be able to pay you - or feed you - or water you. I need an adultier adult. Anyone? Anyone?
I've decided to be honest with my redheads about being an adult. I've let them experience the grind of adulting along with me, I haven't romanticized it in any way. They know they are going to have to adult at some point but they also know it is not all its cracked up to be. Someone thought I should be an adult and look where its gotten me. Exhausted, stressed, and disillusioned. Welcome my children to adult life, have fun - come cry on my shoulder anytime you want, I understand.
Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored. The heartfelt and persistent prayer of a righteous man (believer) can accomplish much [when put into action and made effective by God—it is dynamic and can have tremendous power].James 5:16 (amp)
She had asked me earlier that day if we could meet at the coffee shop. "I need to confess something to you, will you hear my confession?" Whaaaa?
"Uh, sure?"
"Well you know in James it says that if we confess our sins to one another and pray for each other that we will be healed and I want to be healed. Will you hear me and pray for me?" WHOA. Mind. Blown.
Yeah, I know what James says but nobody actually ever does it do they? But she did and does, and inspired me to work on doing the same.
I heard her, I prayed for her, and our relationship changed - it deepened, it entwined our hearts and we became inseparable in many ways. And yes, she was healed but through hearing her confession I too was set on a path of healing. Healing from the pride that kept me from being honest with people in my life about things in my life. Healing from shame that haunted me over my false steps and offenses committed - knowingly or unknowingly. I haven't arrived anywhere yet but I'm a lot more confessional than I used to be - with the people I know I can trust of course.
You don't just pick anyone to confess to. Okay, maybe in certain circumstances you do. Like when Donald Miller and his friends held confession at a carnival in college. (The true story and the movie version) But for the real personal stuff you pick someone you know will hear you, not judge you or rebuke you, will pray for you, will still love you (and perhaps love you even more), and will walk alongside of you as you seek to correct the words or actions that led to a division in a relationship or situation.
Confession has gotten a bad rap through the years. It's unfair to the many physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits confession offers. It's gotten a bad rap because humans are involved in it. Yes, us humans tend to muck it up with critical spirits, judgement, superiority, and sharing it with others when it was meant to be private. We've reduced it to saying a couple of key phrases so the ritual of it is complete. And that's the biggest muck up of all - we've reduced the practice of confession to a ritual. Anytime something is transformed into a ritual it loses the power it had.
I've been contemplating the spirituality of confession lately. Not the ritual of it but the lifestyle of it. Not all rituals are bad, but not all are good. I am guessing most started off with good intentions. But enter human nature and anything intended for good is then open to the possibility for mucking up. I should know, I'm a human and I've mucked up plenty of things. Confession transforms from a spiritual practice to a ritual when it becomes just one more thing to check off on "the list." You know what list I'm referring to correct? The "Spiritual To Do" List. You know, things like have a "quiet time", go to church on Sundays, put a five in the offering plate, etc. Most protestants don't have confession on their own list but most Catholics do. And one of the reasons protestants don't have confessional time built in to their "spiritual to do" list is because of the Catholics waaaaaaaaaaay back in the day. It had become a ritual in some churches and with some priests so kicking that ritual to the curb bumped it off the protestants to do lists. But just because some spoiled it doesn't mean it is bad, it just means humans mucked up a good thing...again.
When protestants kicked the practice of confession off the checklist for spirituality, the message became that confessing your sins, lacks, and flaws was a shameful thing to do in front of anyone but God. Wait, what about James 5:16? Oh that verse? Well James didn't actually mean it the way it's written.
Or did he?
I'm pretty sure he did. I'm pretty sure he meant it exactly as it is written. Dietrich Bonhoeffer happens to agree with me. *wink* In his book, Life Together: The Classic Exploration of Christian Community, Bonhoeffer makes the case for confession one to another: A man who confesses his sins in the presence of a brother knows that he is no longer alone with himself; he experiences the presence of God in the reality of the other person. As long as I am by myself in the confession of my sins everything remains in the dark, but in the presence of a brother the sin has to be brought into the light... Our brother has been given me that even here and now I may be made certain through him of the reality of God in His judgment and His grace (p116).
....our confessions to God often are merely confessions to ourselves, and as a result we are living in self-forgiveness rather than in real forgiveness, and so the cycle of sin continues. But when we confess to a brother, we can be certain that we are not merely confessing to ourselves, but to God, represented to us by our brother. (source)
Where the protestant practice of confession would differ from the Catholic practice is in who hears the confession. Gleaning from Bonhoeffer yet again, "....in a Christian community, one person should not serve as the confessor for all the others. When that is the case, there is a danger that the work will become routine and thus an empty sham. Worse yet, there is the danger that it will become a source of spiritual domination." (source) This is one reason why people rebelled against confessional back in the day - to have one person know ALL is too much for any one person. It will break them down and compromise and complacency are sure to happen. God created us as relational beings, to share with one another - more than one person. Be wise about it, certainly, but don't allow just one person to hold all of your confidences, some aren't meant for certain people.
When I practice a "confessional" lifestyle people squirm. I find it kind of funny - which means then I do it a little more often. *wink* For example, a couple of weeks ago I spoke at a staff meeting. I shared my spiritual life story and parts of it were a confession to my co-workers, things I felt comfortable confessing even though I wonder if it's going to come back around like a boomerang. Here's a portion of my confessions: My mind and heart were a tangled mess of fear, lies, and self-preservation. It was evident in any conflict that arose, every relationship I had, and how I interacted with authority in my life.... I’ve had to apologize to my redheads when I’ve sinned against them, my husband and I just came out of a really rocky period that lasted way longer than we would have liked, I still get tempted by fear of man over fear of God and have to fight that temptation, I struggle with my physical health, I can be too lazy.... Because I’m not finished I don’t behave right all the time and yet God, in his grace, invites me to take a walk to talk it through anyway.
The room was VERY quiet, I sensed a lot of internal squirming going on...and surprise - surprise that I would be so bold as to be so honest.
In fact, I've made a confession within this post. Go back and see if you can find it (hint: it is italicized). Those all "count." I was confessional when a few months ago The Chief had to have a "hard talk" with me about an interaction I had with someone else in the organization. He was squirming at the confession he felt he needed to get out of me so I offered it up to ease his discomfort. Ha! Our human nature kicks against saying or doing anything that we perceive makes us look weak, flawed, or rotten. But guess what? We are weak and flawed and some of us are really rotten. Once you can accept that about yourself, confessing when you've mucked up goes a lot smoother. It will still make others squirm but you won't even fidget.
Why are they squirming? Because they aren't at that point yet, the need to defend self is still stronger than the desire to live without a mask. I get it and like I said earlier - I haven't arrived anywhere yet but I'm a lot further down the road than I used to be. Now I peek out from behind the mask and 'fess up when I know I need to. Note I said when I recognize I need to, not when someone tells me I need to. Listen, I know when I've mucked up. And I believe you know when you have mucked up. We don't need to be trying to force someone to confess just because what they did or said made us uncomfortable. Maybe we needed to feel some discomfort, let's not be too quick to dismiss that feeling either. So I'm quick to be honest about my flaws, weaknesses, moments of misbehavin'. I confessed to The Chief without him having to coerce me because I knew I had misbehaved a bit. I'll own my part of it. Listen, while it might be interesting to try and navigate around a big pink elephant in the room it really cuts into life. So 'fess up to your part of the pink elephant and reduce the tension in the room by your part at least. I've been mindful about this in my own life for awhile now and it's interesting to watch reactions and hear responses. There's always surprise, as if the person hearing my confession is taken aback that I know I misbehaved or I am overweight and being lazy about it or I treated them (or someone) poorly - to offer up a few examples (and confessions!). Did you just squirm when I mentioned those few examples? Why?
If you are ever in the position to hear someone's confession I implore you to treat it and the person with grace, and if *you* should ever approach someone to confess for healing I pray you are embraced with grace.
Let's allow grace to be our seasoning of choice with one another (Colossians 4:6) and be conduits of healing in each other's lives.
What are your thoughts on confession? Do you practice it on a regular basis or not? Who do you confess to? What kind of benefits have you experienced as a result of confession?
I have a character flaw. I know you are shocked but alas, I do. I default to defensiveness. I immediately jump to the defensive when I feel attacked on - well anything. I don't think I'm the only one with this flaw, I see it all around me every day. We all feel the need to defend ourselves - our work ethic, our choices, our beliefs, our theories, you name it we jump to a defense of it. Have you ever watched someone get defensive over something? It can be pretty ugly. The behavior that surfaces as a defense mechanism can be akin to the Hulk transforming from flesh to green. Guess what? You look like that too when you get defensive. Just sayin'. *wink*
The other day someone got defensive with me and instead of looking like the Hulk they looked like a dog marking its territory. I am not exaggerating. They did the equivalent of going around and peeing on things and people in an attempt to make a point. When I didn't respond then they turned into the Hulk. I found it all to be rather exasperating and funny. But it got me to thinking about this default of defensiveness that so many of us seem afflicted with. If we are so convinced that we are the right ones then why are we turning green and peeing on things?
Here's a profound idea: allow yourself to be proved wrong. Yep, you read that right. Open yourself up to be proved wrong on the theory, opinion, etc that you hold. Quit spending so much time trying to defend your position. If you are right then it can defend itself. So let others prove you wrong. And IF they can here's the next profound idea: allow yourself to concede and be open to a mind change. Yep, you read that right. Open yourself up to changing your mind, opinions, beliefs, theories, etc. I know, I know. It's a crazy idea but it just may be the best thing we can do for ourselves.
The fact is this: we are not right about every single thing we believe, feel, etc. We do not always behave rightly, we do not always speak rightly, we do not always treat others rightly. Why are we so hell bound (and I do believe certain forces of hell have something to do with this character flaw) on defending something that deep down we know to be wrong? Is our need to "save face" so great that we are willing to defend even the things we know are wrong? Apparently so.
Listen, I'm speaking to myself first and foremost. Remember my confession above? I know my flaws and I've worked hard at making sure I am mindful about the automatic default they lead me to. I have to keep myself in check more often than not. I have some other people in my life who also serve as a check. Sometimes they catch me defaulting before I can catch myself. In mid-transformation from flesh to green they jump in and keep me from going all the way.
Next time someone says or does something that makes you feel like lifting a leg to mark your territory or you feel the flesh changing to green stop. Take a deep breath, put your leg down, let your heartbeat come back to normal and be confident in the thing you feel is being attacked. Let the other person do the hard work of arguing a position and IF they are able to make you reconsider your own position that's okay. It's okay to change our minds. It's also okay to have different positions, beliefs, opinions and be friends. It is good for us to be challenged and to challenge and we don't need to pee on things or turn green to do it.
Last year I decided to dedicate the calendar year to a word. I chose shalom, read about why here.
As I look back at the last year and review my thoughts on shalom it occurred to me that for a year dedicated to shalom I dealt with quite a bit of conflict! It's like when you pray for patience and then all you get are opportunities to practice having patience.
This focus on shalom seems to be a two-part process. The year 2015 was very revealing to me in terms of all the brokenness. God really opened my eyes and heart to see all the people and places that needed the healing touch of shalom. This included people and places in my personal and professional life. He started with me, of course. And he isn't done with me yet (Philippians 1:6). As I became aware of the need for shalom God started to show me what my role in bringing that about might be. That's what I think 2016 is. It's part two of the process.
In order to know how to introduce shalom I first need to know where it is needed and how much of a role I have been asked to have in it. Obviously for my personal life (marriage, motherhood, personal growth) the role I play is going to be a lot bigger than one I may play in my workplace or in my local community politics, etc. But I, and you, have a role to play in the business of shalom. Momma T said, "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples." Each of us are a stone of shalom and when we allow ourselves to be cast across the waters we help create the ripples of shalom so desperately needed. Some of us are going to be bigger stones than others, some of us may only create one ripple that seems insignificant, others of us may only be cast at the beginning or end - not participating in the whole process.
The process of shalom takes many willing, and humble, hearts and hands to bring about wholeness and most of us will not be part of the entire process or may never even know the end results. That's the part of the shalom process I need to be okay with. I like to know the outcome, I like to know that what was wrong has been righted - what was upside-down is now right-side up - what was torn asunder has been put back together. But I don't always get to know the results, does that mean my role in the shalom process is any less valuable? No, it doesn't! For me or for you. Too often I allow the potential results to interfere with my role. I shrink back or half-ass it because I doubt the end results will be positive or that I will ever get to see the fruit of my participation. I need to get over myself. If I've been asked to be part of the process then I need to do it to the best of my ability and not concern myself with the results. Who knows what the ripples I cause end up doing? God does and that should be good enough for me.
The calendar changed from December 31 to January 1 but that doesn't mean that the process of shalom my heart is compelled to focus on just ceased due to a day, month, and year progression. It continues. Is there a word or a focus you've had in the past that you ended due to a year ending/beginning that perhaps God has continued to bring back up? Maybe it's time to revisit it.
