Friday, April 26, 2013

I Run To You


I run from pain
I run from prejudice
I run from pessimists
But I run too late
I run my life
Or is it running me
Run from my past
I run too fast
Or too slow it seems
When lies become the truth

That's when I run to you

(Chorus)
This world keeps spinning faster
Into a new disaster so I run to you
I run to you baby
And when it all starts coming undone
Baby you’re the only one I run to
I run to you

We run on fumes
Your life and mine
Like the sands of time
Slippin’ right on through
And our love’s the only truth
That’s why I run to you


Can the secular speak to the sacred?  I think so.  First time I heard this song I was struck by a few different lines that are truth about the sacred.  And every time since when I hear the song I am struck by those same lines and the truth that does not change. 

I run my life or is it running me
Do you feel ragged around your edges?  Like you are always figuratively trying to catch your breath?  Like your list of obligations (perceived or reality) just keeps getting longer?  Like there is no time to just be, there's only time to do?  If you do feel like that, and honestly I think most of us do, then it is possible that life is running you instead of you running it.  And if that's the case then you certainly aren't experiencing the abundant life.  Decide to make some changes and be pro-active.  What needs to change so that you are running your life and it isn't running you?

When lies become the truth, that’s when I run to you
Ever heard a lie so much that you begin to believe it is truth?  As soon as you recognize that the lie is masquerading as truth you are at a pivotal place.  Will you allow the lie to become truth or will you change the course and use the actual truth to disintegrate the lie?  When I hear this line the only person I think of that I can and do run to for truth is the author of it.  God.  He is the author of truth.  He holds in his hands the truth that can. does, and will change my life.  He is the one who shows me the lies that are fighting to take top spot in my life.  Do you have lies in your life that have become truth?  Run to the author of Truth and allow him to speak into those.

And our love’s the only truth, that’s why I run to you
In a world that doesn't value honesty and authenticity (even though we say we do) the only love that you can trust and rely on is that of God's.  Just as he is the author of truth so he is the author of true love.  His love is the only thing that will speak truth into your life, your relationships, your fears, your joys.

If you run to God you will find Truth permeate your life and as the world comes undone you will be secure in the life authored for you by the One who ordained it.


Sunday, April 14, 2013

Reflections...No regrets

I'm in the midst of reflecting on the past couple of years of life.  I've just wrapped up a stint as one of the front desk faces at Young Life.  God is moving me on, I don't like it one bit but I'm going to walk in obedience to it.
Here's a look back at some of my other posts in the past couple of years about my time at Young Life...
All You Ever Wanted to Know About Being a Front Desk Receptionist
An Update on All the Sides of Being the Front Desk Receptionist
My 90 Day Review
A Year in Review

Last *you* heard from me was my year review.  Here's the brief update from that point:

2012 was a year of upheaval and change in our department, it was a tough year - it was either going to make us or break us!  I think a little of both happened.

The Young Life Celebration in January 2012 was amazing.  Again, such a generous gift from Young Life to Lanny and myself.  The weather was great, we got to sit by a pool in January!  What a gift that alone was for the middle of winter.  We were spoiled rotten by Young Life and blessed.  We came home from that trip with the compulsion to help start up a Young Life Club in Falcon, where we live.  Since then we have been on the super slow track to seeing that happen but we're still inching along toward that goal.

I literally know every single employee at the Service Center - both buildings!  That's crazy to me.  It is crazy to me that I have somehow been able to retain all those people in my memory bank.

The inner-office gifts came to an end.  I actually have a job to do (admin tasks) so couldn't keep up with that!  Nobody seemed to mind, by the time those ended the ice had been broken.  :)

During an extensive renovation of our Lobby the front desk was relocated to a noisy little box (an office but...ugh!).  Fortunately the "box" contained a large white board that I decided couldn't go blank as long as I was around!  So for the time we were contained to that space I put up a quote every day.  This led to my newest 365 Experiment which is a quote a day.

I became a Barista of sorts as our newly renovated Lobby served fresh ground coffee grown in Nicaragua in a joint venture with Young Life!  Check out Beyond Beans, great coffee and a great cause!

Changes were being stirred up....

As I said at the start, God is moving me on from Young Life and I'm not all that happy about it.  I love my job.  I actually don't even have adequate words to express how much I love my job.  I'm also pretty good at my job.  I've learned a lot and I've put it into practice. I've helped my boss with some of the more tedious tasks so she is freed up.  I've done my best to make sure people who walk into the Service Center are welcomed and feel welcomed.  I've held mini-counseling sessions at the front desk (this doesn't surprise those of you who know me well) and have been a place for people to be heard.  I'm pretty good at my job and not just the admin stuff.  The relational stuff I am able to balance out with the admin.  I love my job.  But changes were being stirred up and I believe timing is everything.  The time came for Lanny and I to look at me having to earn more than a part-time income.  We see some changes being stirred up in our family life and his workplace and we knew, through prayer and discussion, that we needed me to be in a job that was full time and offered medical benefits should the time come that his job no longer does that.  Unfortunately there was nothing for me at Young Life that could offer what my family and I now need.  Btw, there is NOW.  But like I said a minute ago, timing is everything.  An opportunity and offer opened up to me so fast that I am still, almost three weeks later, trying to figuratively catch my breath!  Timing is everything.

So I've been reflecting on my time at Young Life the past couple of years and how it intersected with my personal life.  I started working at Young Life just as I was coming out of a deep depression (I bet some of you didn't know that!) and it was tough for me.  It's hard enough to exert energy on the heels of depression but combine it with my core personality of being an introvert (seriously quit arguing with me about this, I know who I am!) and the first few weeks were tough.  Even now, 2.5 years later, I prefer to spend my mornings before work not talking or interacting with others much and my evenings after work not talking or interacting with others much.  I conserve all of my energy for the front desk and the interaction it takes to do the job.  But it turns out that the "forced" interaction has been good for me.  It helped keep me from falling back into the deep depression I was in, it helped me re-enter the work of a ministry, it helped me sharpen my skill set and even further define my skills.  It also gave me the opportunity to see what kind of work had been done in me as I settled further into my skin.  It rebuilt in me a confidence that had been lost and was struggling to be found.

The decision to leave has been a hard one.  If I was ever going to leave the timing was accelerated by the changes in our family life.  I was thinking this morning about the reason why leaving is so hard for me, outside of the obvious ones of course.  And here it is.  In this particular instance obedience to God is more difficult for me because I am being asked to walk away from something that I really love, am good at, and I know is not displeasing to God.  It's something that my time is up and I don't like that one bit!  So I have had a lot of moments of second-guessing, hoping something might change, wishing I didn't hear from him as clearly as I did.  But as my time wound down at Young Life I knew deep deep down that I was being called to follow his lead and he was leading me right out of Young Life.  I don't know why exactly.  Maybe Young Life has become a comfort zone for me.  Maybe something is going to happen at Young Life that God didn't need me to witness.  Maybe all along I was only a "short timer" even though in my plans I was in it for the long haul.  I don't know.  All I know is I have had a lot of tough and emotional moments in the past 3 weeks.  And I expect I will have a few more in the weeks to come.  Introverts don't like starting over socially, well at least this introvert doesn't. It's hard for me to meet new people, it's hard for me to start over that way.  I'd rather hole up in some cave and never need to come out.  I'll be working longer days and so therefore be exerting more energy in interactions.  And for the next 6+ months I will be learning new things and really giving my brain and memory bank a work out!  There will be days that I feel incompetent and will doubt that I did hear from God about leaving.  My tough and emotional days aren't over.  But if all of those things culminate in me being exactly where God wants me to be and walking in obedience to him then I can say, even now, "I'm good."  I don't want to be anyplace other than obedience to God.  Even if it is hard and stretches me it's where I want to be if it is obedience to him.

Finally, let me tell you how God has answered a prayer of mine.  When I started at Young Life 2.5 years ago I asked people to pray for me to be a blessing to the employees and guests of Young Life.  I had no idea what I was talking about but I knew that if I was going to be a blessing then it was going to be the Jesus in me.  I didn't try to be anything or anyone other than myself, I asked God to help me be true to myself - who he created me to be - and that I would bring joy to the people I interacted with each day.  Don't get me wrong I had some bad days.  I had some days where it took everything in me to be pleasant.  I had some days where the smile on my face was more pasted on than natural and willing.  I had some days where the thought of putting on make-up and put on real clothes was overwhelming.  I had some days where my irritations boiled over and people steered clear of the front desk.  But I had some great days.  I had days in which my ability to remember someones name made their day and so therefore made mine.  I had days in which I couldn't stop smiling.  I had days in which I got to see some relief run across the face of my boss because she knew she could trust me to get the job done.  I had days that I was able to communicate value to an employee and their whole demeanor shifted.  I had more than some great days. I had many great days. And I think, just maybe, that God answered my prayer and honored my request to be a blessing.  During my final week at Young Life employees and vendors alike took time to personally communicate with me about the relationship we were able to develop in the past couple of years.  I didn't go seeking out these people, they came to me and let me know what I meant to them - a lot of them were people I didn't expect!  And on my last day God gave me a glimpse of the impact he allowed me to make at the Young Life Service Center through his grace and strength alone.  And I was blessed. I was blown away. I was humbled.  I think it was part of why the tears started and I can't quit.

No regrets.  That is sometimes an overused phrased but it applies here.  I have not one regret about my days spent at Young Life.  As I continue to reflect while I move on I may feel twinges of pain but regret won't be making an appearance.

Saturday, April 06, 2013

Yeast.

We are in the "middle"* of the Feast of Unleavened Bread and I've been thinking about yeast, or leaven.  To one who reads God's command to remove the leaven from your homes, communities, and bodies without surrounding context or understanding of God the command seems...strange, weird, odd, controlling, and whatever other kind of negative connotation you can, or want to, come up with.  But to the one who reads it within surrounding context and with an understanding of God the command makes sense and speaks of God's great love for us and of his desire to see us grow in relationship with him.

If you don't know what yeast is or does let me explain because it is at the heart of this particular command - more figuratively than literally but that comes later.  Yeast is what causes bread to rise, beer to have carbonation, turns fruit juice into wine, and other things.  It feeds off of simple sugars in the product being used and breaks down those sugars which in turn causes alcohol and carbon-dioxide to form the fermentation that causes things to rise and/or bubble up.  There's the most simple explanation.

So it seems yeast is getting a bad rap with God.  I mean, what did yeast do to offend God so much?  Ah.  It didn't.  It is simply serving as a vehicle for God to teach us a bigger lesson.  Just like we use various things as props for our object lessons so God is using yeast as his prop for his object lesson with us.  He's pretty creative that way.

We first see God's command to observe a time of unleavening in Exodus and Leviticus.  It is combined or is directly on the heels of God's command to observe Passover.  Coincidence?  Oh I think not, and neither should you.  For those who might be a little hazy in their history let me give you a quick refresher on the Passover.  God moved the Israelites out of Egypt in the course of one night, after many other things had happened, and he commanded them to go and go quickly.  They didn't have time for their bread to rise before baking it so they made it without yeast and got going.  Prior to this, the pass over was the Angel of Death that passed over each home in Egypt and those who didn't have the covering of lamb's blood on their door frame lost their first born to death.  The Angel passed over those who were covered by the blood of the lamb.  (Ever heard that phrase before?  Hmmmm.)  See, if the Israelites had waited on their bread to rise they might have changed their minds and decided that the knowns of Egypt - as hard as it was - was better than the unknowns of the desert they were going to trek into.  God knew their thinking patterns and their tendencies so he made sure they had a reason to get out quick and not experience any lag time.  Yeast would have given them the lag time.

So every year God has commanded his people to observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread as a reminder that when we allow yeast to sit and rise there's time for all sorts of "trouble".  It comes on the heels of Passover as a reminder that we are or can be passed over by being covered in the blood of the Lamb.  The blood of the Lamb covers the "trouble" yeast may provide.

It is true that every day we should be aware to the figurative yeast, or leaven, in our lives that is there.  It puffs us up in the areas of phoniness, falseness, feigned virtuousness, and prideful thoughts.  Figurative leaven also appears in our lives through impure activities like porn addictions or drug abuse.  It appears in our speech through gossip and judgments passed on others.  It rises in us through what we allow ourselves to be exposed to that serves as a trigger for other damaging behaviors.  The leaven in our lives is throughout and we should be aware of it daily and removing it daily.  We should but let's be real, we don't.

We get used to the leaven in our lives.  We grow comfortable with it, it has become second nature to a lot of us.  Because of that, it is harder to pinpoint it because we don't have "eyes to see and ears to hear" most days.  I believe that is why God asks us to purposefully stop using leaven in our physical lives for one week so that we can become attune, again, to the leaven that has invaded our spiritual lives and has been allowed to rise within us all sorts of displeasing and sinful things. It takes a little bit of work to abstain from leaven in the physical and a lot of work to remove it in the spiritual.  Like everything else worth developing it is a process and mistakes will be made. 

God allowed me to see the process, spiritually, firsthand during the Feast this past week through a physical example.  I had been super mindful of the leaven in food and had been doing good at abstaining.  I was thinking through my choices and paying close attention to any places of hidden leaven.  (Rice crackers?  Totally leaven free!)  Then on day 5 (actually day 6 since sundown had come and gone) I made a mistake.  Oh not willingly, not rebelliously, not in frustration over being deprived of leaven.  I just didn't think.  I sat down after a night of cooking with my cook group and we served up the pound cake and dug in.  Didn't even think about it.  In fact, when I was almost done with slice two (quit passing judgement) it occurred to me that pound cake has leaven in it and I had just consumed it without a second thought.  Oy.  Now, you may be reading this and yelling at the screen, "Beth!  So what?!  Who cares? God doesn't really and besides there's grace.  Sheesh you are taking this a little too far."  Guess what?  You are absolutely right on the middle point, "....there's grace."  Yep.  There sure is.  There is grace and I'm so grateful for it.  And does God care that I consumed leaven?  I'm going to go with yes and no.  He asks that we, his believers and followers, observe his appointed times and the Feast of Unleavened Bread is an appointed time. But he also knows we are going to stumble and that is where his grace covers.  We can, and do, unknowingly introduce leaven into our lives without even thinking about it and by the time we realize it usually we have consumed enough of it to make a difference.

Transfer that thought to sin, as yeast/leaven is symbolic of sin.  Sin enters our lives, whether it be knowingly or not, and by the time we realize it there's enough of it in our systems to make a difference.  Right?  Right.  In fact, Paul addresses this very topic with the church of Galatians, and therefore us.  "You know what they say, “Just a little yeast causes all the dough to rise,” so even the slightest detour from the truth will take you to a destination you do not desire." (5:9, The Voice)  Another version of the Bible, The Amplified Version, says it this way, "A little leaven (a slight inclination to error, or a few false teachers) leavens the whole lump [it perverts the whole conception of faith or misleads the whole church]."  Just the slightest amount of sin will cause a detour in our life.  First it puffs up in the heart and then makes its way to our words and actions.  That's called a detour my friends.  And it's so subtle at first, almost unnoticeable.  But the smallest amount causes a large amount of "puff".  And before we know it the sin has risen to the point of over spill.  (Has that ever happened to you when baking?  It has me, I've had bread rise over the top of the bowl and spill over - what a mess!)  When we over spill we then have a mess that needs to be cleaned up.  Unfortunately sometimes we choose to stay in our mess for a season, other times we clean it up right away.  The choice is yours.  But the longer you leave the mess there the more chances you have for the yeast (sin) in your life to expand.  A few years ago I tried making a new dinner roll recipe.  I got it all mixed and nothing happened.  They didn't rise in the time they were supposed to.  I threw up my hands in frustration and we left the house and had to go buy dinner rolls (which if you know me you know I was super bugged - I prefer from scratch!).  We were late so I had left the mixed dough in the pans and baking sheets I had placed it on and planned to dispose of it when we returned home later that day.  Imagine our surprise when 12 hours later, as we walked back through our door, we came home to risen dough all over the place!  It had finally risen during our 12 hour absence and we had bread coming out of our ears!  It was everywhere!  I didn't see it coming, I thought the yeast was inactive and the dough would just sit and I could just throw it away when we returned home.  That didn't happen.  And isn't sin just like that?  We knowingly, or not, introduce it into our lives and sometimes the yeast doesn't rise right away so we are deceived into thinking we "got away with it".  But then it rises and we have a mess to deal with.

Perhaps now you can see why God, in his creativity, chose to use yeast as his prop for sin in our lives.  It works so well as a visual.  Perhaps you can maybe even now see why he asks his people (of which we who are not born Jewish are because we have been grafted in) to observe a time of unleavening in the physical to show us the leaven in our spiritual lives.  It's because he desires us to be leaven free in our relationship with him.  Any leaven in our lives hinders our communication with him.  And he desires for us to be free of that so we can clearly hear his voice in our hearts and lives.  Have you found some leaven in your life?  Psalm 51 is a great way to walk through the removal process and get back into right relationship with God.  Being in relationship with others you can trust to hold you to high standards is advisable.  (King David had Nathan, which led him to his repentance over his sin and what Psalm 51 is recording)  Being willing to shed light on the leaven in your life to expose it and kill it off is advisable.  In James 5:16 we are told to confess our sins to another so that we may pray together and find healing.  Not to be condemned by others but to be prayed for and to be introducing to healing.  This is important in remaining as leaven free as possible. I don't know about you but I want to be leaven free in my relationship with God so that my life - its words and actions - glorify his name.

Maybe in the past (meaning right before you read this post, if you've made it down this far) you've thought the command of God's to observe the Feast of Unleavened Bread was a) just for Jewish people or b) weird or c) old fashioned/antiquated/outdated/not applicable.  If so, I get it.  I'm right there with you...or I was.  Now I've allowed myself to hear from God on such commands and I've allowed him to correct my thinking and perspective on such things and guess what happened when I allowed him to do that?  I got it!  I was able to clearly see what his intent and desire was, and is, in his commands that I was placing in a,b, and c!  And what is his intent and desire?  To have a relationship with him that honors who he is and what he has done in my life.  And what he has done is so much, so to observe his commands is the least I can do.


*Okay well when I started writing the blog we were in the middle, now we are done.  {sigh} #lifegotinthewaynotimetowrite