Makin' Lemonade

Sometimes our days aren't so sunshiny.  You know what I mean.  

Some days we are handed a bunch of sour lemons and absolutely no sugar to sweeten things up.  And if you have ever tried to make lemonade without the sugar all you get is sour water.  You need the sugar to make it lemonade.
So what to do when your day (or your week or your month or even your year) holds a bunch of sour lemons and it seems like there is no sugar to be had?
Here's what I do.  I say to myself, "Beth, make some lemonade.  Find the sugar, it's somewhere."  Because while I might not have been handed the sugar or it's not readily visible, it is there...somewhere.  And I need to find it.  So I begin to look for ways to make lemonade.  (In fact, some days my answer to the question "How are you today?" is , "I'm makin' lemonade today!" and that is a big clue that I feel like I've got a bunch of sour lemons and I'm looking for the sugar.)
I have found that I can find the sugar easier when I am more in tune to the simple and little things.  Who says that sugar is found in big and sweeping gestures?  More often than not it's found in the smaller, almost unnoticeable things.  For example, a week or so ago a friend of mine found some sugar for her day in an almost unnoticeable act of kindness.  She was backing out of her driveway while school drop-off happened to be going on.  Her street was lined and she was sitting in her driveway waiting when a car stopped and gave her space to back out.  That was sugar my friends.  My friend might have missed that bit of sugar if she hadn't been tuned in to look for things that cause her to be grateful.  Being grateful for things makes the sugar a lot easier to find.
That's the key to lemonade makin' and sugar findin'.  Gratefulness.  When we can't find anything to be grateful about we are in big trouble.  When we can't even muster up the gratefulness for the things we don't think about (but should) and the things that we take for granted (but shouldn't) that is sour lemons.
So the next time you find yourself with a bag full of sour lemons and no sugar, begin to look for ways to make lemonade - find the sugar, it's there.

Dear Parent, did you know?

Dear Parent,
Thanks for your letter, it helped me understand you a little better.  I'll try to remember you are human from now on but I make no promises.  Since we are talking and all, I thought maybe you should know a few things from me.

Did you know that I want to talk to you and be honest with you but won't when you don't seem to want to listen but talk at me?  I'm trying to figure stuff out and sometimes I just need you to listen to me and not try to give me any of that "life experience" that you talk about.  I need to have my own "life experiences" so I can one day talk to my kids with my own lessons learned.  Can you just listen and let me try to work it out on my own?  We both might be surprised at the outcome.  There will be times I want to hear about your "life experiences" but you'll know when I want to, I'll ask.

Yeah, yeah.  You were a teenager once blah, blah, blah.  Well now it's my turn.  I need you to be the parent, the adult, and let me be the teenager.  I don't want a friend, I have those.  I want an adult who I know is going to drive me crazy but also give me a place to figure this life stuff out.  Please quit trying to be my friend. I've seen you and your parents and I know we can be friends later, right now I need a parent. Yes, I might tell you how I'm feeling about something or someone, I really need for you to step it up and respond to it like a parent and not my best friend.  If you don't then I'm not going to talk to you about much of anything anymore.

Did you know that I know that you make mistakes?  Sure I know it but when I have tried to tell you and you have bitten my head off and made it seem like you are never wrong I back away.  Okay fine, maybe I didn't tell you in the nicest way but you still made a mistake.  It wouldn't hurt you to apologize to me you know. You raised me to apologize when I do something wrong, make a mistake, or something so why aren't you following your own advice?  Did you know that I will respect you more when I see you own up for your mistakes?

Did you know that you can trust me until I give you a reason not to?  After all, you did raise me.  And while I may not act like I heard you all those years, I did.  Try trusting me and seeing what happens.  You may be surprised at what I do or say.  That being said, I'm going to make mistakes (it's part of getting my own "life experiences" remember?) and while I know there may be punishment I wish you would also listen to me when I try to explain my thought process about the mistake.  Sure, I hate being punished but maybe if you can also help me figure out what to do or say differently next time in a productive way then I might be a little nicer while serving my time.  After all, you do want me to learn from my mistakes right?  Then help me learn.

Did you know that when you yell and use phrases like, "When you live under my roof you'll follow my rules" that I tune out?  Like I said earlier, when you talk at me and not to me I glaze over.  Was that effective with you when you were a teenager?  Yeah, I didn't think so.  Maybe it's time to try a new approach.  Just because I am young doesn't mean I don't know how to think and respond in a mature way.  Try treating me with a little respect and as if I have some maturity.  You might be surprised.

Did you know that I have my own dreams for the future and I don't want to be the one to live out yours? Please don't force me into some mold you think I belong in.  If you do that I will end up resenting you.  I am my own person and should have the freedom to live out my own dreams, if you support me in that then I will probably support you in going after yours.

One last thing.  This is a secret so can you keep it quiet please and not out me to my friends or anything like that?  I secretly like being a part of this family and when we hang out together I do have fun.  I know I might act all bored and annoyed with my siblings or you guys but actually I like it.  I like knowing that I have a family who loves me and is there for me.  So, yeah, thanks.

Dear Teenager, did you know?

Dear Teenager,

This isn't about how you dress or what you watch or listen to - you've heard from plenty of other people about that.  This is about your parents. You know, the people who live in the same house as you - they feed you, they pay bills to ensure you have a roof over your head, they clothe you, they love you (I hope).  

Did you know that your parents aren't just parents?  I think you might know that intellectually but I think you also might forget, when I was a teenager I forgot too.  We all need a reminder from time to time.  

Did you know that once upon a time your parents were teenagers "just" like you?  They had best friends and boyfriends/girlfriends, they had to go to school and do homework, they had fights with their own parents and rolled their eyes at them too.  Your parents also had dreams about their futures, they had goals, they had TV shows they loved and hated, music genres they loved and hated, a fashion style that was either "in" or "out". Did you know that your parents probably had their heart broken by someone?  

Did you know that your parents aren't just parents?  They are humans that have feelings just like you. They still have dreams and goals they would like to see come to fruition someday.  They can still get heartbroken. They still have homework - most of the time it just looks a little different.  Sometimes they still fight with their parents or siblings.  They still have friendship troubles of their own from time to time.  They still have a romantic/love relationship that needs attention and requires work from time to time (that's your other parent I'm referring to).  

Did you know that when you snap at them because you are having a bad day or are annoyed at the moment or think they are purposely trying to bug you that you hurt their feelings?  Just like your feelings may be hurt if they do that to you or someone else does.  Did you know that your parents also have bad days, get annoyed at people, and feel slighted by others (including you!)?  

Have you ever thought about your parents as humans rather than parents?  Again, intellectually I think you know they are humans but we all get stuck in our ruts and forget that people are more than their labels.  Your parents aren't just parents, that role isn't the entirety of their life - that is just a part of their life.  They are sons/daughters, husband/wife, friends, brother/sister, co-workers, talented, dreamers, aunt/uncle, passionate, fill in the blank.  

Do you know the dreams of your parents?  Do you know what they are passionate about outside of what you see they do day in and day out?  Do you know what their favorite color is and why?  Or what their favorite drink or dessert is?  Do you know what they do at their job (if they work outside of the home)?  Do you know why they are so protective of you?  What do you know about your parents outside of the label parent?  They know you.  They study you and commit to memory your favorite things, what annoys you, what makes you smile, they listen carefully to what you are and aren't saying about your future.  Have you taken the time to listen to them (they may not be as boring as you think!)?  

Your parents are living their own stories, you aren't the only one whose story is being written.  Their stories are still being written, they are just a few chapters ahead of you.  While they are your parents, remember they are also people who have feelings, dreams, and hopes just like you.  

Sincerely, 

A parent who is also a wife, Mom, daughter, sister, Aunt, friend, co-worker, and has big dreams

Our Electronics Sabbath

This past weekend we held our first electronics sabbath.  We've been meaning to for a while now but kept getting distracted from doing it (and if that isn't irony I'm not sure what is).  Yesterday I talked about the decline of many things in light of social media and smart phones.  You might want to read my thoughts there to give you better insight into what I'm saying here.

We instituted a no electronics sabbath from sundown to sundown.  A 24 hour period in which we literally shut down and/or powered off our phones and computers.  We did still allow the Wii and limited TV (as in 1 movie).  We gave our redheads a few hours warning so they could frantically text their friends to tell them about the cruel and unusual punishment we were dealing.  :)  I let it be known in Facebook land that I wouldn't be around (not like I was missed or anything) and at sundown we powered off and let our electronics get a little rest themselves.  We got milkshakes to "soothe" ourselves and the oldest tried a facial mask.  The first little sting of no electronics hit when she wanted to take a picture of her masked face and I couldn't find my real camera.  We powered on my phone for 2 minutes to snap the pic.  Darn it.  I really need to locate my real camera.  The redheads stayed close to one another and we let them watch one movie. Us adults headed for bed.

The next day was a little different.  A couple of times (okay more than a couple) I headed toward my phone to see if there were any texts I had missed.  Nope.  At one point I thought about replying back to someone on FB about something.  Nope.  All of a sudden I had all these people I needed to email.  Nope.  So I made a list of what I thought I needed to do once I joined the online world again.  And then I allowed the day to happen.  To distract the girls, specifically the oldest, from the lack of "connection" I took them shopping. That was another weird moment.  I took my phone (shut off) with me just in case a car emergency came up but it stayed tucked away in my purse.  Several times I thought about hopping on my phone to check this or that.  Nope.  On the way home, finally, I was going to call Lanny and let him know we were on the way. Nope.  What did we ever do without cell phones?!  Upon arriving home I discovered that the recipe I was using for dinner that night was on my Kindle.  Darn it.  So I powered on my Kindle for a few minutes and grabbed the recipe.  Of all the nights to make something that came off my Kindle.  The minute my Kindle powered up I instinctively hit the Facebook icon and it was pulled up by the time I realized what I had done and exited and went to my bookshelf for the recipe! Sheesh!

When sundown came the oldest was "jonesing" for her electronics and I realized that we need to do this more (the oldest isn't going to be too happy about that) so that the electronics in her life don't have power over her but she has power over them - and the same would be true for all of us.  Taking a break from all electronics revealed to me some interesting things: I am much more dependent on my cell phone than I realized, without the "noise" of electronics the house is a lot quieter and that unnerved my kids (the hub and I were just fine with that), TV becomes a temptation when electronics aren't available (which is why I limited it to 1 movie - I didn't want a 24 hour TV marathon to replace the electronics, then there would have been no purpose to the sabbath), being without electronics made us (with the exception of Lanny) a little unsettled/ancy/irritable.  In short we rely too much on our electronics to entertain us, interact for us, provide something for us (my recipe was on the Kindle!).  Are there benefits to having these electronics?  Yes! But we have relinquished our ability to have authenticity with others to screens and keyboards. There's no way we are giving up our electronics or social media pages but the change can come in how much we allow them to dictate our choices and behaviors and our true social lives.

We'll be doing more of these sabbaths. They are good for our souls and our relationships.  The redheads may disagree with me but I think, as Monk says, they'll thank us later.


In doing some Googling for the other post I came across this site and found it to be interesting. Perhaps you would be interested by it as well.  

We've been hijacked!

Anyone else notice the severe DECLINE in authentic relationships since the MySpace, Facebook, et al Social Media craze hit and took over our social lives?  We were told it would enhance our social lives, instead I think we've been hijacked.  I've been thinking about this problem for a long time.  And since I started thinking about it my attention has been drawn to others who also have noticed this decline in authentic social life.  Most recently I saw these two videos, ironically posted on Facebook, and it renewed my passion once again for my dislike of what "social media" has done to us.  Take a watch and then we'll pick back up the conversation.

Right?!  And you know as well as I do that the scenes depicted in that first video aren't exaggerated.  I am pretty sure the majority of us have done one, or more, of those things.  I know I have.  Much to my shame and compulsion.

Authentic social life has been hijacked for the sake of technology and advancements.  It makes me sad. Yes, I participate in it - probably too much - and even as I do I hate it.  I hate that my connections have diminished to the point of a thumbs up and that I can fake a good mood and nobody is the wiser.  I hate that I can be a totally different person through social media and people like me for a false representation of who I am.  (Btw, I am probably 99% authentic on my social media sites, my theory is if I can't be the same person on social media as I am in person then I need to reevaluate myself.  Ask people who have known me long before social media made an appearance - heck before computers were even around! - and I hope they would say that I am the same on social media as in person.)  I hate that smart phones have actually dumbed us down - we no longer have to think for ourselves and try to find answers out on our own, that's what Google is for.  I hate that kids these days don't know how to spell properly, they don't know how to write in full sentences, they don't use etiquette while on the phone, they can barely hand write anything, any teacher right now could add to this particular list I've got going on.  I hate that people have become uncomfortable with silence and with themselves, that they feel they need to distract themselves all of the time lest they are forced to be introspective or engage with others.  I hate that eye contact has become extinct and people are more comfortable looking at their screens than in the eyes of someone.  I hate that people have used social media as their newest platform to be rude, passive aggressive, pompous.  I hate that people somehow think it is okay to tear other people's beliefs, ideas, and thoughts to shreds and use social media as their excuse for poor behavior. There's more that I dislike but I think you get the idea.

I know.  The lady doth protest too much while posting this newest blog on her social media site.  I know! There are some benefits to social media.  I am grateful it provides me a way to keep in touch with my friends overseas - I can see pictures of them and their families, I can communicate rather quickly with them, I can glimpse into their daily lives.  I like all those things for friends out of state or even out of town.  BUT.  But nothing beats face to face, voice to voice, heart to heart relationship.  Nothing.  Social Media has convinced us that it compares, is perhaps even equal to.  It is not.  There's no other way to say it, nothing beats real time.

I'm not the only one who uses social media, sees its downfalls, and hates it.  Since MySpace hit the scene (and then got chased away by Facebook) and phones got "smart" people have started to recognize the trappings of social media.  I remember a few years ago reading an article in Reader's Digest (which I looked for and can't find but trust me on this one okay?) about a group of friends who decided they were way too attached to screens and not enough to true face time.  So they turned off their phones every weekend for an entire day and connected...for real, you know the "old-fashioned" way. They would have brunch together and make eye contact and not even think about what they might be missing on Facebook (although it could have been MySpace back then) and they experienced authentic relationship.  And the more they did this the easier it got to stay unattached to their smart phones and social media outlets even when they did choose to have access.  What held them back from an authentic social life lost its power as they made a choice to disengage to engage.  I've kept that in mind through the years and while I have said I want to practice that I haven't.

At least not until this past weekend.  :)

So, what are you wearing today?

"She knew JOY was one of her best accessories, so she made up her mind to wear it every day."

(Dayspring)

I've already had my say about Joy in the past.  But I want to revisit it because it's topic that I think is easy to forget about or get distracted from.  And besides I'm taking a year to focus on Gratitude which are the seeds that Joy blooms from so I'm thinking about Joy again in new ways, and even in some old ways!

A couple of years ago some friends and I took one month and honed in on Joy through purposed prayer.  I was excited to pursue, intentionally, this attribute that God speaks very clearly about.  In addition to pursuing Joy in prayer I had picked up the book, "One Thousand Gifts", to read for my book club.  Yes, it definitely seemed like God had more to share with me on the subject of Joy.

The "rules" of the prayer for Joy were simple.  No chatting and talking about anything, just seeking God about Joy.  We all had work to do so we kept it simple and to the point.  We were in and out of that Prayer Room in 10 minutes or less every day.  But it was the most profound and sweet 10 minutes or less of my work days during that month.  So much so that I'm thinking of starting it back up again, after all I can't think of one person who doesn't need a reminder of Joy every so often! And not only did it connect me to God in deeper ways but it gave me connection to the people I prayed with in deeper ways.  It really is amazing how God will use the most simple and humble and honest words uttered from our hearts and mouths to transform. 

Some of what God spoke to me was refresher from past lessons learned about Joy, right down to some of the same scriptures.  And some of what he spoke to me was a deeper place than I had been before.  I was so grateful for the refresher and for the deeper places he took me. 

Because I believe lessons God gifts us with should be shared let's chat a bit about Joy, shall we?  It is the most important accessory we possess and we shouldn't leave the house without it.  Without it our souls are naked, cold, and vulnerable.  Joy is warmth, covering, and hospitable. 

• God has written it on our hearts and into our spirits.  He is the author of Joy. 
• Joy is a deeper and more profound response when we exercise it without promise or even hope that a change or a blessing is going to happen.  When we can be joyful in the "in betweens" with no guarantee of any change in our circumstances then we have truly grasped joy.  Habakkuk 3:17-18
• I need to grow in my trust in order to "get" Joy.  They are related.  If God sets something before me and tells me it is a gift of Joy for me but I can't believe that it is and I can't believe he really considers it Joy when my flesh perspective says it isn't then I don't trust God and his motives, character, or heart.  If God calls it Joy then it is and if I can't believe that then I need to work on trusting him.  James 1:2
• Why is trusting God so hard?  He has never broken trust with anyone so the problem is me. I project on to God the trust that has been broken with me by others.  Romans 15:13
• Joy is the key that unlocks the prison.  The prison of ungratefulness, bitterness, resentment, etc.  
• Psalm 16:11, His presence is Joy.
• We have Joy when we are connected to God.  He is the one who can grow true Joy in us.  John 15

So, what are you wearing today?  If your attitude is leaning toward anger or ungratefulness might I suggest the accessory of Joy and see what happens?  When Joy is worn the whole "outfit", er attitude, changes.