Go ahead, prove me wrong.

I have a character flaw. I know you are shocked but alas, I do. I default to defensiveness. I immediately jump to the defensive when I feel attacked on - well anything. I don't think I'm the only one with this flaw, I see it all around me every day. We all feel the need to defend ourselves - our work ethic, our choices, our beliefs, our theories, you name it we jump to a defense of it.  Have you ever watched someone get defensive over something?  It can be pretty ugly. The behavior that surfaces as a defense mechanism can be akin to the Hulk transforming from flesh to green. Guess what? You look like that too when you get defensive. Just sayin'. *wink*

The other day someone got defensive with me and instead of looking like the Hulk they looked like a dog marking its territory. I am not exaggerating. They did the equivalent of going around and peeing on things and people in an attempt to make a point. When I didn't respond then they turned into the Hulk.  I found it all to be rather exasperating and funny. But it got me to thinking about this default of defensiveness that so many of us seem afflicted with.  If we are so convinced that we are the right ones then why are we turning green and peeing on things?

Here's a profound idea: allow yourself to be proved wrong. Yep, you read that right. Open yourself up to be proved wrong on the theory, opinion, etc that you hold. Quit spending so much time trying to defend your position. If you are right then it can defend itself. So let others prove you wrong. And IF they can here's the next profound idea: allow yourself to concede and be open to a mind change. Yep, you read that right. Open yourself up to changing your mind, opinions, beliefs, theories, etc. I know, I know. It's a crazy idea but it just may be the best thing we can do for ourselves.

The fact is this: we are not right about every single thing we believe, feel, etc. We do not always behave rightly, we do not always speak rightly, we do not always treat others rightly. Why are we so hell bound (and I do believe certain forces of hell have something to do with this character flaw) on defending something that deep down we know to be wrong?  Is our need to "save face" so great that we are willing to defend even the things we know are wrong? Apparently so.

Listen, I'm speaking to myself first and foremost. Remember my confession above?  I know my flaws and I've worked hard at making sure I am mindful about the automatic default they lead me to. I have to keep myself in check more often than not. I have some other people in my life who also serve as a check. Sometimes they catch me defaulting before I can catch myself. In mid-transformation from flesh to green they jump in and keep me from going all the way.

Next time someone says or does something that makes you feel like lifting a leg to mark your territory or you feel the flesh changing to green stop. Take a deep breath, put your leg down, let your heartbeat come back to normal and be confident in the thing you feel is being attacked. Let the other person do the hard work of arguing a position and IF they are able to make you reconsider your own position that's okay. It's okay to change our minds. It's also okay to have different positions, beliefs, opinions and be friends. It is good for us to be challenged and to challenge and we don't need to pee on things or turn green to do it.

{shalom} revisited

Last year I decided to dedicate the calendar year to a word. I chose shalom, read about why here.
As I look back at the last year and review my thoughts on shalom it occurred to me that for a year dedicated to shalom I dealt with quite a bit of conflict! It's like when you pray for patience and then all you get are opportunities to practice having patience.

This focus on shalom seems to be a two-part process. The year 2015 was very revealing to me in terms of all the brokenness. God really opened my eyes and heart to see all the people and places that needed the healing touch of shalom. This included people and places in my personal and professional life. He started with me, of course. And he isn't done with me yet (Philippians 1:6). As I became aware of the need for shalom God started to show me what my role in bringing that about might be. That's what I think 2016 is. It's part two of the process.

In order to know how to introduce shalom I first need to know where it is needed and how much of a role I have been asked to have in it. Obviously for my personal life (marriage, motherhood, personal growth) the role I play is going to be a lot bigger than one I may play in my workplace or in my local community politics, etc. But I, and you, have a role to play in the business of shalom. Momma T said, "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples." Each of us are a stone of shalom and when we allow ourselves to be cast across the waters we help create the ripples of shalom so desperately needed. Some of us are going to be bigger stones than others, some of us may only create one ripple that seems insignificant, others of us may only be cast at the beginning or end - not participating in the whole process.

The process of shalom takes many willing, and humble, hearts and hands to bring about wholeness and most of us will not be part of the entire process or may never even know the end results. That's the part of the shalom process I need to be okay with. I like to know the outcome, I like to know that what was wrong has been righted - what was upside-down is now right-side up - what was torn asunder has been put back together. But I don't always get to know the results, does that mean my role in the shalom process is any less valuable? No, it doesn't! For me or for you. Too often I allow the potential results to interfere with my role. I shrink back or half-ass it because I doubt the end results will be positive or that I will ever get to see the fruit of my participation. I need to get over myself. If I've been asked to be part of the process then I need to do it to the best of my ability and not concern myself with the results. Who knows what the ripples I cause end up doing? God does and that should be good enough for me.

The calendar changed from December 31 to January 1 but that doesn't mean that the process of shalom my heart is compelled to focus on just ceased due to a day, month, and year progression. It continues. Is there a word or a focus you've had in the past that you ended due to a year ending/beginning that perhaps God has continued to bring back up? Maybe it's time to revisit it.