I’m sorry; did you say you were joyful?!?

Hey Christians! Where’s the joy of the Lord?
Please don’t tell me you have it or else I may be forced to start snapping pictures of you at random times to show you that you don’t have the joy of the Lord!

Pull up a chair. I think we need to have a chat, from one Christian to another.

I know what you are going to say. I’ve heard most of the excuses before.


“I’m just having a bad day.” How many days in a row is this now? Like 365 or more?


“Things just aren’t going my way.” I’m sorry, what’s not going your way? Jesus DIED for you to have eternal life, everything else is icing on that cake.


“Someone hurt my feelings.” Examine what they said, own what you need to own and let the rest go. Maybe they are having a bad day and took it out on you. Oh, that’s right. You’ve never done that before…


“My job sucks.” (Yeah I said sucks; you probably are going to have to get over that…) It would suck even more to not have a job in this economy and job market. I’m just sayin’. (People hate that phrase, I like it and am probably going to continue to use it, you might have to get over that too. Ha!)


“Life is just so hard.” Okay. And you are surprised by that? Who told you it wouldn’t be hard? ‘Cause whoever that was lied to you. Life IS hard but that doesn’t mean it has to lack joy.


“Nobody understands me.” Jesus does.


“I’m worried about __________.” Okay. Totally valid but that shouldn’t diminish true joy. It certainly would diminish happiness but joy and happiness are two totally separate things.


Okay, Christian. WHERE’S YOUR JOY? What’s your excuse? C’mon. Speak it out loud so we can talk about it. Feeling a little defensive? A little offended? Okay, I’ll talk first.


We all have bad days. We all have things that keep us up at night in fear or anxiety. We all have jobs that we wished would be better or easier. We all have people who say things to us that hurt or offend. We all live pretty hard lives. Those things are valid but the majority of us respond to them in ways that are not valid when we are supposed to be filled with the joy of the Lord. See, as far as I can tell Jesus came to give us joy so that we could get through the hard things with a heart that was fully rested and satisfied in Christ. You know the song, “Joy to the World, the LORD has come…let every heart prepare him room….he comes to make his blessings flow….” Why would we need to prepare him room? So his joy can be ours! And when his joy is ours, no matter what the day looks like, his blessings will and do flow.


Listen, I’ve been there. I’ve had a lot of bad days recently. Things rarely ever go MY way. I’ve been very hurt by some people in the past few months. I have definitely felt and been misunderstood by people. I have been worried about a multitude of things and people. Life hasn’t been a walk in the park for me in the past year. And yet I have a smile on my face every day that I can. And even when the smile can’t reach my face, my heart is at rest because I know I am held by my Creator. I have a choice in regards to my response. I can respond in my flesh or in the Spirit. And how I choose to respond will be evident to everyone else in my life. You will be able to tell by my tone of voice, my eyes, my body language, the way I phrase certain things, the ease in which I carry on with life. My mom said something to me a few months back that meant so much to me. It really blessed me. I had written something and it was written with my brand of humor (whatever kind THAT is!) and she called me and said, “You know what I appreciate about you Beth? I appreciate that you have kept your sense of humor through this season you are in. In the midst of everything you are still able to find laughter and humor.” She made me cry by telling me that! Because when all is said and done I want to be known as a woman of joy no matter what life hands me.


I’ve been observing Christians recently. And what I have observed is complaining, heavy sighing, nit picking, antagonistic, jealous, judgmental, ungrateful, and many other negative characteristics. REALLY? That’s what I want to say to them. REALLY? I want to grab them and a chair and sit them down and get to the bottom of it once and for all. We pick battles that aren’t battles. We create battles! Why do we see people who have terminal cancer with more joy than someone who just had a bad day at work? And what defines “bad day”? You didn’t get YOUR way? Aren’t we supposed to be the example? The standard? Oh we are, but not in the way Christ created us to be. We can only see as far as the end of our noses. We sigh and murmur and say, “But my problem is different, nobody could possibly know what I’m going through.” I have a news flash. It comes straight out of the Word of God and I can back it up with personal testimony if you need me to, “There is NOTHING new under the sun.” (Ecclesiastes 1:9-11) Basically your problem, your bad mood, your offense, your situation is saying back to you, “Yeah, been here done this before.” I’m sorry to tell you, friend, that in the instance of the hard stuff of life you are not unique and your mood/problem/issue is not unique.


I said it earlier, maybe you didn’t catch it. I’m not talking about happiness. Happiness and joy are two very different emotions. Happiness is circumstance based; it comes and goes with the day and the people in our day. Joy is trust based; its strength is found in the level of trust one has in Christ. Joy looks at a hard situation and chooses to trust God in it. I love how the word of God educates us in what joy looks like. Check this out, “Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” (Habakkuk 3:17-18) Scratching your head over that? Try reading it again, “Though the cherry trees don't blossom and the strawberries don't ripen, Though the apples are worm-eaten and the wheat fields stunted, Though the sheep pens are sheepless and the cattle barns empty, I'm singing joyful praise to God. I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.” Still not sure what the main point is? Even though your paycheck may not cover the bills, even though feeding the family is tough, even though things aren’t easy right now you can still have joy, you should have joy! Happiness? Eh. But joy? Yes! Why? Because God is with you, he is for you, he is behind you, and he has gone in front of you. Do you trust God to cover your lack? Do you trust God when someone hurts your feelings? Do you trust God when your day is dragging and you can’t wait to get home and into your PJ’s? Do you trust God to understand you when it feels like nobody else does? Do you trust God with your worries? Joy is so intimately connected to trust, you cannot separate the two. There’s no way I could have joy in God if I did not trust God.


Beth, what are you saying? Are you saying I’m supposed to walk around all the time with a goofy grin on my face when things are falling apart around me? Nope. Not saying that. Hey, ask my husband and my closest friends. There have been days when the smile doesn’t make an appearance. But ask them about my core. I’m hoping I’m right when I say they would say I still maintained joy because I was trusting God to get me through. Joy isn’t always seen or heard but lack of joy is. HUH? Just think about it. Lack of joy is seen and heard through all the things I mentioned earlier. Joy approaches the day with a restful spirit because of the level of trust being practiced. When we have joy we CAN’T complain, nitpick, judge, etc. The joy we allow to fill us gives us access to see beyond the circumstance so that we can praise God and offer a genuine smile to the world.


So Christian. WHERE’S YOUR JOY?


The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. (Psalm 28:7 NLT)


Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.


Then it was said among the nations, “The LORD has done great things for them.”


The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.
(Psalm 126:2-3 NIV)

How to survive social networking sites according to, well, me!

Since Facebook is the most widely referred to social networking site, totally ousting MySpace I might add, I will write using Facebook as the example.  But take these tips and apply them to any social networking site you are a part of and really, you might as well just apply them to life as well.  I'm just sayin'.  :) 


1)  Keep it clean.  Keep your language clean, your posts clean, your pictures clean, keep your "tone" clean (yes, you can have tone in the virtual world). Nobody, and I really mean nobody - whether they will admit to or not, needs or wants to see pictures of you drunk, half-dressed or half-undressed, with hickeys from your make out sessions, etc.  Nobody likes to see the "f word" showing up on their news feeds multiple times during the day.  Despite what you may think using that word does NOT indicate maturity, it indicates quite the opposite. 


2)  While everyone has freedom of speech it doesn’t give us the right to loudly push our opinions on everyone else or berate others for their opinions.  There is a time and place to debate such topics as politics and religion.  Facebook, Twitter, etc are not generally the places to do that.  I do know of two people within my friend list who have been able to debate hot topics and only lose a minimal number of friends!  Fastest way to lose a friend through Facebook?  Rudely and sarcastically say something political or religious based, especially if it is a personal attack against someone else. You cannot know their persuasions or how they will respond to such behavior.  Don’t use Facebook as your personal soapbox even though others may.  Don’t follow the crowd, keep it civil and courteous. 


3)  Facebook shouldn’t replace real face to face interaction.  Use Facebook as a method of touching base but not the main means of communication.  Pick up the phone, jot a handwritten note and stick it in the mail.  In these days of computer based relationships the human interaction of a voice or a handwritten note goes a long way.  And no, texts don't count as handwritten notes just in case you were wondering.  :) 


4)  Don’t be obnoxious by talking only about one thing.  If all you talk about is ______ this, ______ that then you will drive people away.  In these days of social media and networking it is easy to be obnoxious about your hot topic and not even realize it until your number of friends starts decreasing!  Be real not obnoxious.  It is obnoxious to only talk about one thing. 

5)  If I read one more passive aggressive status update about me or someone else I'm going to vomit.  (I've had several aimed my way in the last couple of months, ugh.)  It is NOT okay to attack others, send intentional digs, etc through your Facebook status that you are hoping will show up on the news feed of the person you are trying to passively aggressively get to.  Be an adult and confront/talk to the person instead of lobbing verbal bombs their way through Facebook.  I mean really...

There it is. Now you can see why I said at the beginning that these tips are really life tips as well as social network survival tips!  :)  Be socially in tune to what is appropriate, be real about who you are, and don’t use social networking to replace authentic interaction.  By using these guidelines you can and will survive social media/networking!

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 1)

If Billy Joel songs are now considered "Golden Oldies" and those songs came out when I was a kid does that mean that I'M a "Golden Oldie"?!? 

Why does Christmas Eve Service have to be an "experience", wasn't the birth of Jesus, the Savior of the world, the best and most meaningful experience ever?  If we cannot appreciate the simplicity of the birth of our Savior then we will always need bigger and better which removes Jesus from his rightful place.  NOTHING will ever be bigger and better than Jesus. 

Are the January blues related to the sugar overload we participate in during December? 

Why aren't we satisfied with making the difference in the life of one person?  Why do we dismiss the one if they are not accompanied by several?  What if that one person was the domino that started a whole chain reaction of good? 

Do people know that Facebook, or other social networking sites, are not reflective of a complete and whole life?  :) 

If you cannot believe the first Chapter of the Bible then how do you or can you believe any other part of the Bible?  There is no in-between.  You either believe the whole or none of it.  You can't pick and choose which parts to believe just to make them match your personal opinions.  God isn't to match us, we are to match him. 

Why is Kid Rock considered Country now?

Musings from The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

I've been reading this book for years.  If you have never read this book I urge you to go get a copy TODAY and take a couple of hours to read it.  You will not regret this read! 

The other day at my company Christmas party our President, Denny, read some excerpts from this book and a thought I had never had before hit me.  I've been mulling it over ever since. 

You know, if you haven't read the book yet do me a favor.  Stop reading right here and don't read anymore until you have read the book! That way I'm not ruining the story for anyone.  But if you have read the book hang with me on this new thought.  I'm aware this thought may be one of the first things others had when reading the book, I can be a little slow at times!  Haha! 

The book ends with the Pageant finally happening.  The Herdman's, the worst kids ever known to man, had scooped up all the main roles through threats and manipulation so everyone was on hand to see what they would do as Mary, Joseph, the Angel of the Lord, and the Three Wise Men.  During the angelic singing of the choir Mary and Joseph come down the aisle with Baby Jesus slung over Mary's shoulder.  Before putting Baby Jesus in his bed she thumps him on the back a couple of times to burp him.  Gasps throughout the audience that Mary would dare to burp the Savior of the world!  Next came the Angel of the Lord who yelled loudly and without a lot of, okay any, decorum, "Hey! Unto you a child is born!" And then the Three Wise Men come down the aisle bearing...well, what is it they are bearing?  That is NOT frankincense, gold, and myrrh.  Why it's, it's a...HAM!  The Three Wise Men are laying a ham down in front of Jesus!  Certain church members are appalled, most people are amused and...touched.  The final touching moment nobody witnesses but the narrator of the book.  Imogene, who plays Mary and is normally the biggest bully out of the whole crew, is kneeling in front of Baby Jesus and crying.  And the consensus at the end of the Pageant is it was the best one they had ever done or anyone had ever seen. 

That's the abridged version of the last chapter of the book.  And it is within that last chapter that a new thought hit me.  Okay I confess.  One main thought hit me but there's a couple of others I thought I'd point out since I'm here.  :)

Jesus was a real human baby and therefore to burp him was not outside the realm of practical ways to treat him.  DUH.  I'm most positive that Jesus, as a baby, needed to be burped.  I think we forget that he came out of heaven and truly became one of us.  He needed to be fed, changed, burped, he got scrapes and bruises.  He wasn't immune to those things, in fact he came to experience those things because he knew we did and would. 

I'm feeling pretty sure that the Angel of the Lord, upon declaring the birth of Jesus, didn't sing it all operatic like we perhaps imagine.  I feel like the proclamation was somewhere in between Gladys' take on it (see above summary for how that sounded) and a more forceful "singing" of it.  It wasn't something you wanted to hear quietly but yet shouted, joyfully, because it was and is the best news this world has ever received! 

Okay, you're warmed up with my mini-thoughts.  Here's the big one.  Are you ready?  :)

It occurred to me that the Three Wise Men in the Pageant presented Jesus, a Jewish person, with a ham. 

I'll let you take as long as you need to let that sink in....

You there yet? 

A ham is from a pig.  Pigs, in the Jewish culture and religion, are not kosher and are not allowed. 

Okay you get it now right?  :)

They, unknowingly, presented Baby Jesus with an non-kosher gift!  I take the greatest delight in this realization because (here it comes) WE aren't kosher.  Right?  We aren't.  We present ourselves to Jesus and we aren't kosher.  It is his grace and love and forgiveness and mercy that transform us from non-kosher to kosher.  Just think about that. 

The Great Shake-Up

There are a lot of amazing promises found in the Word of God but the one that I have been appreciative of the most since I turned 30 is found in Philippians. It says this, “….that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” (1:6 NIV) I read that and I feel a great sense of relief. “You mean I don’t have to stay THIS way? I won’t stay THIS way? WHEW.” Philippians is a letter from the Apostle Paul to the church in Philippi and it is a letter that is full of encouragement, exhortation, and affirmation. There is no doubt that Paul loves this church and has nothing but their best in mind, he is after all God’s representative. He leads up to verse 6 of chapter 1 by saying how he’s been praying for them and how he is confident of the direction they are headed in. Really its best if you just read for yourself what prefaces verse 6 and then verse 6 in light of the preface. “Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.” (1:3-6 The Message) Who wouldn’t be encouraged by these words of love? Look at what Paul is saying. “There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind….flourishing finish….” Somehow Paul is given the ability to see beyond the here and now, the surface appearances, the immediate circumstances and have full confidence in the ending. God gives him the opportunity, in this case, to see the end results of the process. So he seeks to encourage the church, and us, with the promise that God does, can, and will finish what he starts in us and it will be a flourishing finish! C’mon. That is a pretty amazing promise!



When I turned 30 I got a little turned inside out and upside down. As if that weren’t enough, God started shaking all the icky stuff to get it to the surface so we could deal with it once and for all. But it hasn’t happened all at once, it has been a process. His shaking hasn’t been violent but firm and only at times when he knew I could take it. Here I am 6 years into my 30’s and still upside down, more turned inside out than ever, and still being shook up! In fact, the past year of my life has been all about the shake up. Ever been shook when you are upside down and turned inside out? Fun isn’t really an adjective I would use to describe it! But necessary? Well yes, that is an adjective that would be appropriate. I read a thought about the shaking of God recently. In one of his devo thoughts Roy Lessin says this, “The Bible tells us that one day everything upon the earth will be shaken. This shaking will be more powerful than any known earthquake that has ever been recorded or can even be imagined. When this shaking takes place, the only things that will remain are eternal things.” What I find so interesting about the shaking of God in my life is that even though I am being shaken I am still secure in him. I still feel safe. It doesn’t make me feel unstable like an earthquake would. The shaking God does with me throws me off-balance in my flesh while putting me on a right balance with the Spirit. What a profound thought. I really can’t comprehend it.


Psalm 55:22 says that when we cast all of our cares on God he sustains us and he doesn’t allow the righteous to be shaken. At first read that seems contradictory to what I’ve been experiencing. Does it mean I’m not righteous? I certainly hope not! Here’s my take on it. Ever shake a child to get them to wake up? It’s a gentle shake and yet forceful enough to get the intended message across. Ever been in an earthquake? Not a gentle shake! God is my Papa and his shaking up of my life is pretty much exactly like that of shaking me to wake up. And in a lot of ways I do need to wake up and he knows it. The shaking he is doing in my life is sifting out all the unrighteous things, all the ick, all the lies, and all that will be left when my Philippians 1:6 process is complete is eternal things.


I’ve been enjoying some fruit of this process lately. Maybe part of it is that as you get older you get more comfortable with the good parts of yourself and so you grow in confidence in those areas. And maybe part of it is real proof that God’s shake up in my life is for my good, not to mention the good of others! Recently I had to go through the job hunt and interview process. Normally this would be a very nerve wracking thing for me. But this time? I didn’t know who was speaking but it certainly could not have been me! Or could it have been? Well the answer, of course, is yes it could have been me and was me…the true me. I spoke with confidence, I carried myself with ease and confidence, and I didn’t apologize for what I didn’t know and made sure they knew I could learn. I walked away from my interviews and cried. Not tears of despair but tears of wonderment! Because of the great shake up I’ve been put through I am emerging. The true Beth is emerging. It is odd and fascinating and uncomfortable and amazing all at once. It is causing some confusion and some relief. It is changing how I approach relationships. It is easing me into more grace and therefore I am becoming a better version of who I have always been at the core. See my core isn’t changing. Oh no. Who I am at the core is the real me but so much was threatening to corrode it so God had to perform the great shake up. Oh it’s so good. It’s so good to know and rest in the fact that what my Creator has started with me he will complete. “You mean I am becoming THIS way? I get to be THIS way? YAY!”

The Decline Of Gratitude

I noticed something about myself the other day. I have been sucked into the “fast food” mentality that we Americans are guilty of living by. Ugh. It ain’t so pretty when I really stop to look at that realization a bit closer. What exposed it to me was a purchase I made on half.com. I had just finished reading a book by an author I hadn’t read before and I was curious what else was out there by this author. So I looked her up on half.com and saw that all of her books to date ranged somewhere between $.75 and $5. So I thought hey why not? And purchased them all. WHY? Why did I do that? I’ll tell you why. Because I was feeling impatient. I didn’t want to have to wait for them at the Library or wait to purchase them one by one at a store or even on half.com. I mean after all (oh yeah here comes the justification) most of them were only $.75 (you can hear that justifying tone of voice I am using right now, right?) and then I’ll have them when I have them and will never have to push off the gratification I am seeking IMMEDIATELY. Ugh. I told you it wasn’t pretty.

Gratification. We demand it instantly and when it is even the slightest bit delayed (according to our own sense of time of course) we get cranky and out of sorts. Suddenly we can’t find one reason to be grateful. Our gratitude gets flushed down the toilet as our impatience rises. The line at Mickey D’s takes “too long” and we are out of sorts and whiny the rest of the day. We will seek out new people who haven’t yet heard us whine about it to whine about it some more! Since when are we in such a rush that we seek IMMEDIATE gratification? What happened to that timeless principle of “stop and smell the roses”? But Beth! That would take too long! Why are you in such a hurry? Why are we in such a hurry? Does it really increase our paychecks? Does it really add value to our lives? Does it really mean anything at the end of the day if we got home faster because we ran two lights? (You know that only cuts off a minute or so off your time right?) It certainly does not increase our gratitude factor.

Our fuse to impatience is a short one these days. I have been observing people around me, okay fine I’ve been observing myself also, and I see impatience flair up almost immediately. And it is when perceived needs aren’t met right away. When they actually have to practice some patience. This has led our society into a downward spiral of addictions, hostility, poor customer service, selfishness and ungratefulness.

Maybe the fast food industry hasn’t served us well. Maybe microwaves were a bad idea. We got spoiled by these promises of fast service so the need is met quicker and we began to expect it on all fronts. Our impatience has even reared its ugly head in our relationships. If our friends or spouses don’t meet our needs instantly then we dump them, apparently they aren’t any good to us.

Because of our impatience we have lost gratefulness for life. We have lost gratefulness for the roses and their smell. We have lost gratefulness for the time it takes to build a solid relationship with someone. We have lost gratefulness for good food that tastes awesome because time was what it needed the most of.

This isn’t a new realization for me. I have been down this road before but never so struck with as I was as I hit “submit order” on half.com. I’ve come home from Africa twice moving a little slower, giving a little more grace in a fast food line, breathing easy as I drive in bad traffic, stopping to smell a rose or two, not expecting my needs in relationships to be met but instead choosing to meet the needs of others, taking the time to say thank you, and I could go on and on. My Kenyan family and friends have taught me much about patience and gratitude and their direct connection to one another. I have never met so many people who were able to be so grateful for so much as I have my African friends. They don’t respond to impatience, they don’t allow it. Should impatience begin to rear its ugly head in their lives they employ gratefulness to combat it. They choose to be grateful for something instead of respond with ugliness to the delayed or declined gratification. This should be a universal response but my observations of life stateside indicate it is not a universal response but rather a continent based response and our continent ain’t practicing it!

It also is worth noting that immediate gratification has led to an extremely self focused society. Immediate gratification means that everything all the time is about “me, me, me”. We have been trained to not wait for anything. UGH. I remember as a kid I had to wait for a lot of stuff, and some I’m still waiting for! Haha! Am I really missing out on life because I don’t have the thing I thought I needed? No! In fact there’s a good possibility that my life is better for it. Let’s go back to Mickey D’s. I don’t mean to pick on them necessarily but they serve a very useful purpose in my rant today! Because of impatience, which also translates into laziness, people choose Mickey D’s for their lunch or dinner instead of choosing a place where they would have to order from a menu and be served or actually purchase items at a store and cook it themselves! GASP, the horrors of that. (Yeah that’s the sarcasm showing up) So they ingest food that we know, and they know, isn’t the best for them because of impatience. They continue to do this and end up on Biggest Loser. Why? All of it started with the need to be instantly gratified and not have gratification delayed in favor of better choices. Maybe it’s not the best executed example but I’m willing to bet you tracked with me anyway. Why would my life be better for choosing the healthier options at a restaurant or learning to cook better options at home? Because then I would be healthier and not have to feel the need to apply for Biggest Loser! See where I was headed with all that? Delayed gratification, or even being declined gratification, is healthy and can often be the better thing for us! Instead of wolfing down substandard food and not really tasting it you could have the opportunity to eat food that is higher quality and enjoy flavors that explode in your mouth. This would bring you way more pleasure in the eating experience than the Mickey D’s option. I’m just sayin’. I can think of a lot more examples so if this one hasn’t got you thinking in a new direction, email me and I’ll shoot another one your way.

Test yourself for just one day. Every time impatience begins to demand immediate gratification try instead choosing to be grateful for something. GASP. Deny the impatience what it seeks! Decrease the impatience and increase the gratitude.  I really think that if we all would purpose to be more grateful and to slow down that we would see a rise in personal and professional productivity. We would be more pleasant to people around us, we would have relationships that are flourishing instead of barely surviving, and we would find ourselves able to extend grace to people on the road or behind the register at a store. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

An Update: The Upsides, Downsides, and Backside of Front Desk Receptionists :)

Upsides:

• I've stopped munching on the Tootsie Rolls (see previous post) that were making my behind spread out and I started sending them instead to various employees through inner office mail! Here's what that looks like:

          Said one employee who received such a note:
          "Beth, did you send me those Tootsie Rolls?"
          Me, responding coyly, "Maybe..."
          "Well they just made my day!"
          Me, "Well good, that was the point.  Mission accomplished then!"
          Proof that it doesn't take money or grand gestures to put a smile on  
          someones face!

• It is SO fun to be the cheer in someones day!  Nobody is ever grumpy with me so I get to see the best, and still sometimes the worst, of people. 
• I get to practice grace.
• I get to act with compassion.
• My Front Desk co-worker is AWESOME.  We work very well together. 
• I have a GREAT boss, she and I get along fantastically!  (Yes, it's a word in my world.)
• I am slowly learning Excel, I consider this an upside for sure!  :) 

Downsides:

• Quiet now makes me feel uncomfortable.  MAN.  I was enjoying all the quiet in my life but since we play Lobby music I now find myself uncomfortable with quiet in other places beside work!  Darn it! 
• Um.  Yeah, I can't think of any other downsides.  :)  No really I can't!

Backside:

• Even though I have quit the Tootsie Roll munching my backside is beginning to resemble the seat I occupy 5 1/2 hours a day.  Hmmmmm.  Having a hard time imagining that?  Well, here's what the seat looks like (I'll spare you the picture of MY backside, I'm sure your imagination can fit it all together!):

• MY backside, not the chair seat, needs to get movin' again.  When it does I will spare you those details and pictures as well!  :) 

And there's the update.  Who knew that the adventures of a Front Desk Receptionist would be so riveting?!?  Hahahahahaha! 

All you ever wanted to know, or maybe wondered, about Front Desk Receptionists :)

Misconceptions about Front Desk Receptionists:

• They are available to attend to other's unwanted tasks or personal hygiene issues. For example, a Dude did a good deed by picking up some trash on his lunch hour run. But in the process he got covered in burrs! Guess who he asked to remove the burrs from his sweatpants while he got back to work? Yep, that would be me. What do you think my boss' answer was to his inquiry? Yep, that would be a NOPE. But it provided her and I with a good laugh in which we were almost in tears! Can you imagine me sitting there picking burrs off a pair of pants and greeting guests? TRUE STORY!!
  
• They have to know all the employee names. Well I'll get there but really they need to know my name more than I need to know theirs! I've got a phone list for my "cheat sheet"! 
• All they do is sit there looking "pretty". Well that could be true at times but actually my boss has given me a whole bunch of tasks, administrative, to do over the course of a day and week!
  
• They don't care when you wander into the lobby from the outside and try to get past you into the rest of the building. Um. Yeah actually I DO care because we have security measures in place. And no you can't just use a restroom because you know someone in the building. Who are you and why are you here? State your purpose please and no, I'm NOT just another "pretty" face, I will take you down if I have to! Haha!

True Facts about Front Desk Receptionists:

• Yes, I can feel my butt spreading wider and wider from the sitting. Okay, and it may be due to the Tootsie Rolls in my desk drawer that I keep munching on... :) 
  
• Yes, I have gotten a lot of reading done. :)
  
• Yes, I am on FB almost as much as I was at home. :) 
  
• Yes, I get to be the cheery voice in everyone's day at least once.
  
• Yes, I have had to time my liquid consumption due to the fact that I can't just leave the desk unattended to go use the restroom!

And all this after only 3 1/2 weeks of being a Front Desk Receptionist! It's quite the education I'm getting! :) 

And now for a pictorial overview of some of the things I have discovered are good to have if you want to be that "pretty" face.  :)

Contents include:

A cute purse

An indentifyer (employee badge)

A smile (found on aforementioned badge, the smile is VERY IMPORTANT!)

Fashionable accessories (like the bracelets cleverly looped on the cute purse)

Hairspray (can't have the hair falling down on the job - hahah!)

Cute shoes (yes nobody sees it like they don't see the cute purse but hello? cute shoes and cute purses just make a girl feel good and thus bring about the important smile!)

Make up brush (to apply the make up that will ensure people most likely won't run in terror from you upon glancing your way!)

Mascara (see make up brush for explanation)

A good mug (yes I realize this seems to be in contradiction to the above mentioned restraint on liquid consumption but when I consume the liquid I want to show my support for the team!)

And with that pictorial overview your education is now about as complete as mine! :) 

Diary of My Wimpy Faith

I imagine a dark night, a few stars, maybe a crescent moon. I imagine the wrestling “mat” must have been a dirt clearing, perhaps surrounded by brush. Was Jacob breathing heavily? And if so, was it from physical exertion or from fear? Maybe it was from both. Did he circle God for a while? Unsure if he should make the first move or ANY move? Unsure of why he was suddenly in a wrestling match with God? Did his mind go back to a time when he and Esau were young boys wrestling one another – sometimes for fun, sometimes not? Except this wrestling match wasn’t for fun, no this time it was for keeps. What? Yeah, for keeps. God wanted to be the keeper of Jacob’s faith but he had to pin him first.


I’ve seen some wrestling matches before and the two opponents will make a few swipes at the other before moving in for a bolder move. Sometimes the swipes are made out of intimidation, sometimes they are meant to intimidate. Was this how it went on for a while between Jacob and God? A few swipes here and there? A sort of testing of the waters before diving in? I close my eyes and see the circling, the distance between God and Jacob so that no move can be made without being bold. I wonder about Jacob. Was he scared? Confused? Impatient? Maybe I put too much of myself on him and his responses to this situation he has found himself in. How long was it before someone made a move? Had it been hours or just minutes of circling? WHO made the first move? I wonder that too.


Eventually a move was made. Jacob seemed to put up quite a fight because God had to put him in his place, so to speak. What I find fascinating is that by this time Jacob was hanging on for dear life. And he refused to let go without a blessing. Again, I must be putting too much of myself onto Jacob. Inflict pain on me and I’m letting go, I’m not going to ask for anything more. But he tightened his hold and said, “Nope. I’m not letting go of you until I get the blessing.” What kind of faith is that and how can I get a good dose of it? I assume it was Jacob’s growing faith that tightened its grip on the person of God.


I’m such a wimp and I think my faith proves it. I would have let go. What does that say about me?


In case you didn’t know I have lived in a bubble my whole life. I’m not alone in my bubble for all around me I see other Christians living in the same bubble. (Hey, I can go THERE because I come from there okay? Just hang with me on this thought!) Living in this Christian bubble has had its ups and downs. I’d say one of the downs is that I haven’t ever really wrestled with God over my faith. Hey when you are told in the nursery that you believe in Jesus and are going to heaven you buy it. But at some point you have to realize that you believe in Jesus when you make your own exploration of him and determine on your own that he is your Savior and then you make your own personal confession with your own lips and heart. I’ve done that but I have never wrestled with God over the foundation of faith in him.


I never have.


That is until NOW.


I’m on the mat with God. I like to think my “mat” isn’t dirt and brush given my aversion to both of those. Haha! But then again wrestling is uncomfortable for me and I believe God needs me out of my comforts so that I will grab on to him with a death grip and refuse to let go. But I’m afraid to make the move. So all God and I are doing is circling each other and if you listen to me close enough you will hear me breathing heavily from fear. Fear that I’m going to have to make a move and take a swipe at God and he’s going to pin me and I KNOW I need to be pinned! I do! I need to be pinned by God, to see faith for what it is according to God and not according to me or anyone else, to get the blessing that he WANTS to give me. I need to be pinned but I’m afraid to be pinned.


I wonder what went through Jacob’s mind the night he wrestled with God. He fought God so much that eventually God had to make a move that would be a reminder to Jacob for the rest of his years about his match. Did he argue with God? Did he try to justify himself? Did he try to run? Did he actually think, actually believe he could win over God?!?


Do I?


Do I argue with God? Do I justify myself? Do I run? Do I believe I can beat God?!?


Yes. Yes. Yes. NOPE.


My night is turning into several long, draining months. What is the most exhausting is circling the mat and not making the move. I just need to make the move before God decides enough is enough and he wrenches my “hip socket”. I know God knows what I’m wrestling with internally as I circle him. I believe he knew the same thing about Jacob as well. Which is why I think he finally made the first bold move. Jacob, however, made the second and greatest bold move and I really think his decision to put a death grip on God pleased God. It became the greatest and strongest show of faith that Jacob had ever displayed. It takes me to Job and his own death grip, “Though he [God] slay me yet I will hope in him.” (Job 13:15) Once the decision for immovable faith was made, these men put the death grip on and could not be moved from it until the Lord blessed them for it.


Oh that I would follow suit.


As I circle the mat with God I know there are people who are observing and thinking I am circling away from God. But I’m not. I find myself circling closer and closer to him as I wrestle with the immovable faith and trust I need to be grounded upon.


“God, are you enough in a crisis?”


“God, can I trust you with the hurts?”


“God, will you defend me to my ‘enemies’?”


“God, are you truly going to provide for our needs?”


“God, are you really good all of the time?”


These are just some of the things that I think I am wrestling with internally. My head, of course, knows the answer to all of those questions and others is YES. But my heart isn’t so sure and I, in fact all of us, live out of our hearts and sometimes the 18 or so inches between head and heart is such a large gap to bridge. That’s where the death grip comes in. I think the gap will be bridged when I make the “death grip” move. In that moment I will be settled with a strong assurance of my faith in the One who created me and loves me enough to circle the mat with me. Hopefully he won’t have to wrench my “hip socket” in order to get me to make the move.


Not only did Jacob walk away from that night and that wrestling match with a limp as a reminder of his immovable faith but he also walked away with a new name. What promise that holds for those who are brave enough to wrestle with God, put a death grip on him, and find their immovable faith! Don’t be mistaken about the courage it takes to wrestle God. It takes bravery to enter into a match with the God of this universe. It takes bravery to throw all your questions, doubts, and fears at God and make a move that says, “I can’t let go of you until you settle all of this with me.” Does it mean he’ll answer all the questions? Address all the doubts? Confront all the fears? No. What it means is that he will do something greater than that. He will give a peace that passes ALL understanding and comprehension and he will give grace to live with and work through those things while faith grows strong and steady. That kind of bravery earns a new name from God! Jacob, I mean Israel, earned his name.


Oh that I will follow suit.


 
Genesis 32:22-31



Jacob Wrestles With God
That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. Then the man said, "Let me go, for it is daybreak."
But Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me."
The man asked him, "What is your name?"
"Jacob," he answered.
Then the man said, "Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome."
Jacob said, "Please tell me your name."
But he replied, "Why do you ask my name?" Then he blessed him there.
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared." The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip.

I'm just hangin' out

The other day I drove under a pair of shoes hanging from a wire. They looked so forlorn and useless. I wondered how did they get there, what was the story behind them? It hit me then that I feel like those shoes! I was connecting with a pair of shoes. SHEESH! But, I do feel like them, like I’m hanging on a wire and I’m forlorn. And I feel incredibly useless. No, no, no this isn’t so I get the platitudes and affirmations that usually follow someone saying that. In fact, please DON’T comment! But DO hear me out, mostly because I don’t think I’m the only one who can relate.

C’mon, ‘fess up. You know EXACTLY what I’m talking about. It’s okay, there is safety in numbers. And it’s okay to admit it even though you may profess to be a… (GASP) Christian! Somewhere along the way we were told and we tried to make others believe that if you were a Christian then you never got sad, lonely, depressed, frustrated, angry, etc and if you did then you must not really be a Christian. HOGWASH. We get lonely, we get depressed, we also wonder if we are “useable” (i.e. valuable) to anyone. In fact, it’s harder to be a Christian and admit you are lonely in the middle of a crowded foyer on a Sunday morning. *It’s hard to confess that you feel useless while being used (and let’s be honest, perhaps abused) for your gifts, why do you think there is so much burn out in the church today?

But maybe this doesn’t happen to you, maybe it’s just me. Since that seems to be the case I’ll take one for the team.

I feel flung over a wire. And wires aren’t stable. They move and shift with the wind and with whatever may land on them. They bounce up and down and threaten to displace whatever may be hanging on them. As far as stability and foundations go they aren’t the most reliable resource. I mean, there’s a reason why God said the wise builder builds his house on a rock and not on shifting sands, or for the purposes of my thoughts, shifting wires! (Matthew 7:24-27) I’ve been bouncing up and down for months now. The fear of getting thrown off has me in a death grip with the wire just to have something beneath me. Yet I know the wire offers no real stability. But it’s something, I rationalize, it’s something.

I wonder how those shoes got up there. And then I wonder, well how did I get up here? I’ll never know with the shoes but with myself I have a few ideas. In my imagination the shoes were on solid ground one minute and the next hurtling through the air and landing on that wire. If they were able to speak I am sure their account would be similar to what I have imagined. For anyone who is hanging out on a wire like I am…oh, wait I forgot, I’m the only one…I am sure the story of “how did I get HERE?” is similar. One minute I was on solid ground and the next I was hanging on a wire wondering what had happened! It’s not like I planned, or even wanted, to leave the stability of my foundation but something hurtled me straight up and I caught the wire. What life events act as the launch? It’s going to look different for everyone. What launches me up off of a stable foundation won’t be the same thing that launches you – er, I mean someone else.

So how did I get on the wire? What’s my story anyway?

I love Philippians 1:6, in any version, what God begins he PROMISES to complete. Period. Doesn’t matter if I’m hanging out on a wire or standing on firm ground, he continues to work in me. There’s going to be seasons, he told us that in Ecclesiastes 3:1-14, and some of those seasons might find you hanging on to a wire with a death grip. It’s really okay. Oh I know we are told it’s not okay but TRUST ME…it IS okay. My story is pretty simple. I was walking along on solid ground one day and the next I was hanging upside down on a wire. What got me up there? A season that could not be avoided; losing the comfort zone, busyness, fear, grief, battles, insecurities, lies, disappointments. I suppose that paints a pretty clear picture. You don’t need the details to understand that any one of those will launch you right off your foundation but when you mix all of them together it is quite an explosion! Funny thing about the explosion. I didn’t know anything had lifted me off my foundation. True story. I didn’t know until months later!

For months I could be overheard saying things like:
“This just isn’t me” or
“I don’t feel like myself” or
“My memory stinks, what is the deal?”
and then one day I got it. Suddenly some things started to make sense. But since I was hanging upside down not everything made sense so I began a journey of trying to figure it out and exit gracefully off of the wire. I’m not sure about the gracefully part. It doesn’t feel or look all that graceful as I try to get off the wire without some breaking. Something is going to have to break in order for the wire to release me. Thus the death grip. Maybe I should just stay on the wire and learn how to live while bouncing up and down….

Yeah, God isn’t buying it either.

Ready to ‘fess up? C’mon…

Okay, I’m okay with still taking one for the team.

It’s all good.

The wire is a lonely place. It’s very isolating and while I recognize that there isn’t anything I can do to change it right now. It is what it is. BUT the wire has become a place of education for me. I’m learning up here, hanging upside down. I’m learning about God’s grace, I’m learning about simplicity, I’m learning who my true friends are and who, well, aren’t! I’m learning what David really was saying in some of his Psalms, I’m learning more about my wounds and how God wants to heal them; I’m learning to be okay with the fact that I’m not okay right now. See? I told you, it really IS okay.

Hanging up there on that wire meant the shoes weren’t fulfilling their purpose. They were just hanging there. I feel like that. Just hanging out, not fulfilling the purpose God has planted within me (again, resist any urges or compulsions to affirm or speak platitudes! Really! I am not looking for those, furthest thing from my mind when I’m being honest and trying to take one for the team.). I’ve been around long enough to figure out what God has gifted me with so that I can minister to others. In Ephesians 2:10 he says that we are ALL created for a purpose and since God doesn’t, and can’t, lie then I gotta believe that what I’m good at doing he put in me to touch…someone! It’s not my job to figure out who the someone is; it’s just my job to be obedient to his promptings on my heart. But I have to say that these months of hanging upside down on the wire have interfered in how I like to operate and minister! There have been days where all my energy and strength have been put toward this death grip I have on the wire; where all of my concentration has gone toward trying to stay on the wire and not fall. I haven’t had the energy to do anything but survive. But unlike the shoes God DOES use me despite my precarious position on the wire. He still puts people in my path that need an encouraging word, he still allows me to speak Truth into the lives of others, he still allows me to parent my children, he still gifts me with people to be hands and feet to so that I’m not always focused on me.

So is there hope? Well the shoes are no longer hanging on the wire. I don’t know how they got down. Did the wind finally succeed in blowing them off? Did someone have to come in a cherry picker and manually remove them? All I know is they are no longer there. So that tells me that I won’t be upside down on this wire forever. Someday and in some way I will get off this wire. Will it be graceful? We’ll see! How will I get off? Maybe the wind of God’s Spirit will lift me off and settle me back on solid ground. Maybe God himself will reach up and plant me back on a firm foundation. No matter how it happens I know it will because God has promised that what he begins with me he will finish and he is with me in every step of my journey, especially when I’m hanging upside down on a wire.

Ready? Go ahead, confess it, acknowledge it…I promise you’ll feel so much better once you are honest with yourself!

It’s really okay, TRUST ME!

*Lest anyone think I am referring to myself let me say right here and now that I have 2 Pastor’s that I work with at my church and they are a huge blessing and would never dream of taking advantage of my gifts and myself! In fact, they have told me I have to take a break!

Waiting

I lie in wait.
Waiting for what will come.
But I am met with a silence.
This silence I know I have created.
O my soul break forth!
Let the dams of my emotions be destroyed.
I need to
feel again.
I need to
know again.
I am waiting.
Then suddenly,
as the sun begins to rise up,
my soul rises up.
A tide of emotion
fills the emptiness.
There is so much there
I feel
threatened
overwhelmed.
Now I lie.
Not in wait
but in fear of
the breaking.
The silence is a roar.
Rushing Roar.
The rushing of God
into the very heart of me.
And suddenly
my fear is drowned out
by the wonder of God
meshing His heart
with mine.

(August 1, 2001)