Reflections...No regrets

I'm in the midst of reflecting on the past couple of years of life.  I've just wrapped up a stint as one of the front desk faces at Young Life.  God is moving me on, I don't like it one bit but I'm going to walk in obedience to it.
Here's a look back at some of my other posts in the past couple of years about my time at Young Life...
All You Ever Wanted to Know About Being a Front Desk Receptionist
An Update on All the Sides of Being the Front Desk Receptionist
My 90 Day Review
A Year in Review

Last *you* heard from me was my year review.  Here's the brief update from that point:

2012 was a year of upheaval and change in our department, it was a tough year - it was either going to make us or break us!  I think a little of both happened.

The Young Life Celebration in January 2012 was amazing.  Again, such a generous gift from Young Life to Lanny and myself.  The weather was great, we got to sit by a pool in January!  What a gift that alone was for the middle of winter.  We were spoiled rotten by Young Life and blessed.  We came home from that trip with the compulsion to help start up a Young Life Club in Falcon, where we live.  Since then we have been on the super slow track to seeing that happen but we're still inching along toward that goal.

I literally know every single employee at the Service Center - both buildings!  That's crazy to me.  It is crazy to me that I have somehow been able to retain all those people in my memory bank.

The inner-office gifts came to an end.  I actually have a job to do (admin tasks) so couldn't keep up with that!  Nobody seemed to mind, by the time those ended the ice had been broken.  :)

During an extensive renovation of our Lobby the front desk was relocated to a noisy little box (an office but...ugh!).  Fortunately the "box" contained a large white board that I decided couldn't go blank as long as I was around!  So for the time we were contained to that space I put up a quote every day.  This led to my newest 365 Experiment which is a quote a day.

I became a Barista of sorts as our newly renovated Lobby served fresh ground coffee grown in Nicaragua in a joint venture with Young Life!  Check out Beyond Beans, great coffee and a great cause!

Changes were being stirred up....

As I said at the start, God is moving me on from Young Life and I'm not all that happy about it.  I love my job.  I actually don't even have adequate words to express how much I love my job.  I'm also pretty good at my job.  I've learned a lot and I've put it into practice. I've helped my boss with some of the more tedious tasks so she is freed up.  I've done my best to make sure people who walk into the Service Center are welcomed and feel welcomed.  I've held mini-counseling sessions at the front desk (this doesn't surprise those of you who know me well) and have been a place for people to be heard.  I'm pretty good at my job and not just the admin stuff.  The relational stuff I am able to balance out with the admin.  I love my job.  But changes were being stirred up and I believe timing is everything.  The time came for Lanny and I to look at me having to earn more than a part-time income.  We see some changes being stirred up in our family life and his workplace and we knew, through prayer and discussion, that we needed me to be in a job that was full time and offered medical benefits should the time come that his job no longer does that.  Unfortunately there was nothing for me at Young Life that could offer what my family and I now need.  Btw, there is NOW.  But like I said a minute ago, timing is everything.  An opportunity and offer opened up to me so fast that I am still, almost three weeks later, trying to figuratively catch my breath!  Timing is everything.

So I've been reflecting on my time at Young Life the past couple of years and how it intersected with my personal life.  I started working at Young Life just as I was coming out of a deep depression (I bet some of you didn't know that!) and it was tough for me.  It's hard enough to exert energy on the heels of depression but combine it with my core personality of being an introvert (seriously quit arguing with me about this, I know who I am!) and the first few weeks were tough.  Even now, 2.5 years later, I prefer to spend my mornings before work not talking or interacting with others much and my evenings after work not talking or interacting with others much.  I conserve all of my energy for the front desk and the interaction it takes to do the job.  But it turns out that the "forced" interaction has been good for me.  It helped keep me from falling back into the deep depression I was in, it helped me re-enter the work of a ministry, it helped me sharpen my skill set and even further define my skills.  It also gave me the opportunity to see what kind of work had been done in me as I settled further into my skin.  It rebuilt in me a confidence that had been lost and was struggling to be found.

The decision to leave has been a hard one.  If I was ever going to leave the timing was accelerated by the changes in our family life.  I was thinking this morning about the reason why leaving is so hard for me, outside of the obvious ones of course.  And here it is.  In this particular instance obedience to God is more difficult for me because I am being asked to walk away from something that I really love, am good at, and I know is not displeasing to God.  It's something that my time is up and I don't like that one bit!  So I have had a lot of moments of second-guessing, hoping something might change, wishing I didn't hear from him as clearly as I did.  But as my time wound down at Young Life I knew deep deep down that I was being called to follow his lead and he was leading me right out of Young Life.  I don't know why exactly.  Maybe Young Life has become a comfort zone for me.  Maybe something is going to happen at Young Life that God didn't need me to witness.  Maybe all along I was only a "short timer" even though in my plans I was in it for the long haul.  I don't know.  All I know is I have had a lot of tough and emotional moments in the past 3 weeks.  And I expect I will have a few more in the weeks to come.  Introverts don't like starting over socially, well at least this introvert doesn't. It's hard for me to meet new people, it's hard for me to start over that way.  I'd rather hole up in some cave and never need to come out.  I'll be working longer days and so therefore be exerting more energy in interactions.  And for the next 6+ months I will be learning new things and really giving my brain and memory bank a work out!  There will be days that I feel incompetent and will doubt that I did hear from God about leaving.  My tough and emotional days aren't over.  But if all of those things culminate in me being exactly where God wants me to be and walking in obedience to him then I can say, even now, "I'm good."  I don't want to be anyplace other than obedience to God.  Even if it is hard and stretches me it's where I want to be if it is obedience to him.

Finally, let me tell you how God has answered a prayer of mine.  When I started at Young Life 2.5 years ago I asked people to pray for me to be a blessing to the employees and guests of Young Life.  I had no idea what I was talking about but I knew that if I was going to be a blessing then it was going to be the Jesus in me.  I didn't try to be anything or anyone other than myself, I asked God to help me be true to myself - who he created me to be - and that I would bring joy to the people I interacted with each day.  Don't get me wrong I had some bad days.  I had some days where it took everything in me to be pleasant.  I had some days where the smile on my face was more pasted on than natural and willing.  I had some days where the thought of putting on make-up and put on real clothes was overwhelming.  I had some days where my irritations boiled over and people steered clear of the front desk.  But I had some great days.  I had days in which my ability to remember someones name made their day and so therefore made mine.  I had days in which I couldn't stop smiling.  I had days in which I got to see some relief run across the face of my boss because she knew she could trust me to get the job done.  I had days that I was able to communicate value to an employee and their whole demeanor shifted.  I had more than some great days. I had many great days. And I think, just maybe, that God answered my prayer and honored my request to be a blessing.  During my final week at Young Life employees and vendors alike took time to personally communicate with me about the relationship we were able to develop in the past couple of years.  I didn't go seeking out these people, they came to me and let me know what I meant to them - a lot of them were people I didn't expect!  And on my last day God gave me a glimpse of the impact he allowed me to make at the Young Life Service Center through his grace and strength alone.  And I was blessed. I was blown away. I was humbled.  I think it was part of why the tears started and I can't quit.

No regrets.  That is sometimes an overused phrased but it applies here.  I have not one regret about my days spent at Young Life.  As I continue to reflect while I move on I may feel twinges of pain but regret won't be making an appearance.