It's not a competition. Or rather it shouldn't be. Who wants to win at having the hardest life?
Kara, over at Mundane Faithfulness, has often said, "I'm not trying to win the hardest story. We all have hard." She's right, we all do have hard in our lives. We all walk through hard things and what is hard for us may not be hard for another. Grace enters in when we can empathize with someone's hard that we may not understand. Kara also doesn't allow others hard to be diminished in light of her hard. Oh, I should mention that Kara is dying. In June 2012 she was diagnosed with breast cancer and even though they have done aggressive treatments the cancer has traveled her body and is invading even her skeletal structure. Kara knows hard. She has a husband and four children she is preparing to live life without her physical presence. She has had to go through the grieving process, grieving over the loss of the life she dreamed of and desired and accepting the one she lives. The other day Kara asked a good question in response to the statement, "I would like my life back!" She asked, "What if this is your life? Would God still be good? I know- I'm such a jerk for saying this. I have to ask this question of myself regularly." I can't think of anyone else who deserves to be wrestling with that question more than Kara right now. She is honest in her wrestling but her final answer always ends up being yes, God is still good even though she will not get to watch her children grow up and she won't get to grow old with the husband she adores.
Yes, Kara knows hard. But we all know hard don't we?
Here's what the reality of our hards could be and perhaps should be. Philippians 2:4 says to look out not only for our own interests but to look out for the interests of others as well. In my hard I am going to be aware and concerned for your hard and focus on meeting the needs of your hard, trusting and knowing that someone else will be doing the same for me in my hard. See how that works? We get taken care of. When we allow the interests of others to be our interest as well then our personal interests get the attention of someone else's care. Sometimes our hard limits us in how we can meet the needs of someone else's hard. That's when it is time to get creative. We all have a capacity to meet the hard of others, it just might take some extra creativity.
Recently I was thinking about another benefit of being aware of other's hards. It gives our hard some perspective. Hear me, it doesn't diminish it just puts it into perspective. And in my experience we all need our hard to have perspective. And sometimes what happens with perspective is I look at my hard and their hard and I say, "Okay you "win" this one. Your hard is way harder than mine. What else or what more can I do for you in this hard? My hard can wait, it's not as urgent." I look at Philippians 2:4 and see this concession as another way of looking out for the interests of others. And sometimes, okay maybe most of the time, as we concede our hard and dedicate ourselves to the hard of another then ours loses its urgency, its power, the grasp that has us in a tight fist loosens. When we eventually return to our hard, because we always need to return to it and deal with it, we have different eyes and a different mindset toward it. Perhaps we even have a renewed strength to tackle it.
What if the hard you are experiencing right now is the new normal for your life? What does that mean for you? For your family? For your friendships? For your career? Are you so immersed in your hard that you can't see the hard of the person near you? Is this a season for you to focus in on the hard of someone else or your own? Who is "winning" for the harder hard in your circles? Can you trust that as you minister to the hard of someone else that your own hard will be ministered to as well?
Hear me once again, I am not diminishing the hard of anyone but I'm challenging all of us to gain perspective of our hards so we can both minister and be ministered to. What would be different about our hards if we could find peace, hard peace, in them?
Showing posts with label The Book of Philippians. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Book of Philippians. Show all posts
Sunday, October 05, 2014
Friday, July 11, 2014
Filters
If you are social media savvy and have heard of Instagram then perhaps you also know that you can put filters on the pictures you take before you share them with people. This has made a whole bunch of average to terrible picture snappers look like they know what they are doing. The filters Instagram offers cover a multitude of flaws, soften the sharp edges, and sharpen the too soft places. I know filters for cameras have been around for a really long time but they have never been as accessible as they are now to the average person. Now we all have the capability to reach for Ansel Adams heights thanks to filters! (Yes, I am being sarcastic.) I confess I filter the majority of my pictures and if I don't, I feel the responsibility to let everyone else know that the picture is awesome all on its own with no assistance. That's where #nofilterneeded comes into play. I recently posted a couple of pictures of myself, which is rare to begin with. I have zero desire to take part in the selfie craze. But I did and I was struck with what I felt needed to be filtered and what didn't.
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| Here I am in the Summer of 1978. I was four years old. #nofilterneeded |
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| Here I am in the Summer of 2014. I am (almost) 40 years old. I filtered the heck out of this picture, I think I used every single filter there was. |
Throughout the years I put filters in place but they worked in reverse. Instead of filtering out the gunk they seemed to have filtered out the good. Life seems to have had a way in filtering out the potential I have within me and leaving me feeling defeated, tired, worn, and shamed. The gunk stayed in while the treasure flowed out. In 1978 I was too young to know defeat, but by 2014 it's an almost daily battle to not feel it.
I put the filters in place to protect myself, to shield myself from people and hurtful circumstances but the filters were faulty. They seemed to have worked in reverse and by the time I realized they were broken and I needed to change them out I had years of gunk built up inside of me to clean out. And some of the gunk had been there for so long that it had burrowed into my heart and set up like concrete. It was going to take some serious sweat equity to get cleaned up. What happens over the course of years doesn't get cleaned up in a couple of days, and my 30's were spent cleaning up the gunk. Yes, it has taken an entire decade. And then some. Not all the gunk is cleaned out. I'm still chipping away at the hardened muck of years gone by.
Evidence of this is the two pictures above. In my (humble) opinion I am one of the cutest 4 year olds ever, *grin*, but at some point my eyes stopped seeing cute when they glanced at me in the mirror. Over the years my eyes changed, my perception of self changed and today I shy away from too much time in the mirror or being looked at. It's one of the many reasons I have zero desire to join in on the selfie craze. I tell my redheads all the time that their eyes see differently than anyone else who looks at them. I suppose if that is true for them, it is also true for me. So my eyes have faulty filters still. In a decade that hasn't changed. So I still have to keep chipping away at the gunk.
When I entered my 30's it is like an alarm sounded in my life. Warning: Filters need to be changed immediately. So I put the sweat equity in and began the process of changing them out for new ones that worked how they were supposed to - gunk out, good in. Turns out I needed a filter overhaul. My mind needed a new filter, my mouth needed one too! And my heart. Well, the filter on my heart was the most faulty of all. And as I worked on my heart the other areas that needed a filter were easier to clean up. So it's true, life starts in the heart and what is contained there flows out to the rest of us.
As I clean out the gunk and put the right kind of filter in place I have to be diligent to keep up on the maintenance. In our refrigerator we have a water dispenser and it gives us filtered water. But in order to keep getting filtered water we have to change out the filter 4 times a year. Why? Because a filter catches the gunk and stops it from contaminating. Same thing for our furnace, although we have to change the furnace filter monthly because of all the stuff floating around in our air. So I have to be diligent in maintaining the filters on my heart, my mind, my mouth, etc and for the same reasons. There's a lot of gunk floating around the air that my inner life breathes and ingests and I need the right kind of filter to catch those things and keep me from contamination. And that has to be maintained by me. Nobody else is going to take care of my filters, I'm the only one who can do that. Oh sure, other people have tried to maintain my filters for me but that never works out very well. They don't know my inner person the way the One who created me does and the way the One who created me calls me to maintenance. So I still have some sweat equity to put in but maintenance requires much less energy than cleaning up years of gunk.
While writing I stopped and took a selfie. I, like when I was 4, have no make up on today and my curls aren't as noticeable because I put a headband on wet hair this morning. My eyes look at the picture and send the message to my heart, "Many filters needed." SIGH. Thank goodness for the promise that what has been started in me will be completed, because I am a long ways off from being completed in that area of my life. But my Creator is patient and kind and because of him I know now what kind of filters to apply to my life.
What about you? What faulty filters do you need to change out and replace with new, ones that actually work for you and not against you?
Tuesday, May 06, 2014
Make the Thought Count
It's not like it's a new thought or idea. When Solomon states in Ecclesiastes that there is nothing new under the sun he spoke truth. There are no new thoughts, ideas, etc but there are expansions on what is already present. There are new twists to the present idea or thought. There are different or even new applications.
I have read Philippians 1:3 countless times. And countless is an understatement. It is one of the most overused verses in the Bible. So the temptation is to skim right by it in search of deeper truths. But, for whatever reason, this day I skidded to a halt on this verse.
I thank my God every time I remember you.
How many people do you think about each day? On average? The people you live with, the people you work with, and then who else? Maybe a handful more? And for the most part probably a different handful every day. I want to zero in on that handful. Chances are good that your interactions with those you live with communicate that you are thinking about them. And for your co-workers? Well that's a hit and miss I suppose but since you interact with them 5 days a week chances are decent that your communications with them indicate you have thought about them in some way as well (whether or not you are thankful is another story). But it's that handful. When they happen to run across your mind do you let them know?
Every so often I drink Lady Gray Tea. It's not my most favorite but every so often I get a craving for it. And when I do drink it I think of one person every time without fail. She and I are no longer friends. I suppose we are still acquaintances, but we don't have daily communication and haven't seen each other in about 4 years. But this tea makes me think of her. It so happened that the day after I had skidded to a halt on Philippians 1:3 I made myself some Lady Gray tea. And since it was so fresh in my mind I decided to act on thinking about her. So I emailed her. It was super short. I simply let her know I thought of her because of the tea I was having and I hoped she was well. That's it. No big conversations, no initiation of relationship, nothing but just letting her know she was thought of. It doesn't matter what she thought of my out-of-the-blue email, I just knew that somehow it made a difference for me. Maybe it did for her too.
Certain things - smells, sounds, music, foods - are triggers for me. I'm guessing they are for you too. And usually when a memory is triggered a person is part of that memory. Sometimes they are still in my life, other times not. With some people and the memories attached to them I don't feel so thankful. Sometimes I remember that I have also questioned God, not thanked him, for allowing that person to be part of my life at some point. Depending on how long ago the person was in my life I might still be questioning God today. *grin* Just being honest. But I do try to insert some thankfulness in there as well. I try to be objective and mature about the reasons why that person was in my life, their role in my own personal growth, and my role in the relationship I had with them. I search for the reasons why I can be thankful to God for them. And frankly, a lot of those reasons usually center on how not to behave in relationships, in how not to be in relationship to God, in how not to treat others. So I can be thankful for them, not for the positives but for the negatives because they served as a lesson for me in how not to be. So see? I can still be thankful to God for them when they cross my mind, which they do from time to time.
So all this has me thinking, what would change in our relationships if we did the following based on Philippians 1:3?
*Thanked God for the person who just ran across our mind (even if we don't personally like them!) and pray for them (people it counts with God if this all happens in a space of 30 seconds - you don't have to spend hours on this and when praying for someone you don't have to know what's going on with them - trust that God knows because he does).
*If possible, and appropriate, let them know you have thought about them. (Send a text, send a Facebook Inbox, send an email, dial their phone number and call them, drop a note by their workplace, knock on their door and give them a hug, you can see there are many ways to let people know they are being thought of.)
What could change in that person's life because of that?
What could change in our lives because of practicing that kind of contact?
What might change in relationships because of that small intentional reach out?
If you are like me then you think about someone at least once a day accompanied by the thought, "Oh I should fill in the blank them (call, text, etc)" and then the day continues and you get caught up in its flow and the thought occurs to you again about midnight when you need to be sleeping. And then you just never follow through. The thought was there but never acted on. And if you are like me perhaps you have shrugged your shoulders and said, "Oh well it's the thought that counts." Um. Not in this case actually. In this kind of situation the thought doesn't count because nobody but you knows you had the thought! So make the thought count, share it with the person you had it about. Take 30 seconds and communicate with them. Make the thought count.
I'm not good at making the thought count. There's my confession. I just spent the last few minutes telling *you* to do it when I myself kinda stink at it. But I promise I'm not being hypocritical, you want to know why? Because I'm not saying I am great at this and because I use posts like these to be a reminder to me of how I want to live my life. So really this whole post is for me and if *you* get something out of it then great! Also, sometimes I stink at this because of the season of life I am in. Sometimes my seasons wear me out and I'm just trying to get through the days. And sometimes my seasons are dark and when they are one of the first things to taper off in my life is my communication with others. These aren't excuses, just realities. And you have your realities as well. But even in the midst of our realities let's try to reach out in small but potentially meaningful ways.
Let's make the thought count.
I have read Philippians 1:3 countless times. And countless is an understatement. It is one of the most overused verses in the Bible. So the temptation is to skim right by it in search of deeper truths. But, for whatever reason, this day I skidded to a halt on this verse.
I thank my God every time I remember you.
How many people do you think about each day? On average? The people you live with, the people you work with, and then who else? Maybe a handful more? And for the most part probably a different handful every day. I want to zero in on that handful. Chances are good that your interactions with those you live with communicate that you are thinking about them. And for your co-workers? Well that's a hit and miss I suppose but since you interact with them 5 days a week chances are decent that your communications with them indicate you have thought about them in some way as well (whether or not you are thankful is another story). But it's that handful. When they happen to run across your mind do you let them know?
Every so often I drink Lady Gray Tea. It's not my most favorite but every so often I get a craving for it. And when I do drink it I think of one person every time without fail. She and I are no longer friends. I suppose we are still acquaintances, but we don't have daily communication and haven't seen each other in about 4 years. But this tea makes me think of her. It so happened that the day after I had skidded to a halt on Philippians 1:3 I made myself some Lady Gray tea. And since it was so fresh in my mind I decided to act on thinking about her. So I emailed her. It was super short. I simply let her know I thought of her because of the tea I was having and I hoped she was well. That's it. No big conversations, no initiation of relationship, nothing but just letting her know she was thought of. It doesn't matter what she thought of my out-of-the-blue email, I just knew that somehow it made a difference for me. Maybe it did for her too.
Certain things - smells, sounds, music, foods - are triggers for me. I'm guessing they are for you too. And usually when a memory is triggered a person is part of that memory. Sometimes they are still in my life, other times not. With some people and the memories attached to them I don't feel so thankful. Sometimes I remember that I have also questioned God, not thanked him, for allowing that person to be part of my life at some point. Depending on how long ago the person was in my life I might still be questioning God today. *grin* Just being honest. But I do try to insert some thankfulness in there as well. I try to be objective and mature about the reasons why that person was in my life, their role in my own personal growth, and my role in the relationship I had with them. I search for the reasons why I can be thankful to God for them. And frankly, a lot of those reasons usually center on how not to behave in relationships, in how not to be in relationship to God, in how not to treat others. So I can be thankful for them, not for the positives but for the negatives because they served as a lesson for me in how not to be. So see? I can still be thankful to God for them when they cross my mind, which they do from time to time.
So all this has me thinking, what would change in our relationships if we did the following based on Philippians 1:3?
*Thanked God for the person who just ran across our mind (even if we don't personally like them!) and pray for them (people it counts with God if this all happens in a space of 30 seconds - you don't have to spend hours on this and when praying for someone you don't have to know what's going on with them - trust that God knows because he does).
*If possible, and appropriate, let them know you have thought about them. (Send a text, send a Facebook Inbox, send an email, dial their phone number and call them, drop a note by their workplace, knock on their door and give them a hug, you can see there are many ways to let people know they are being thought of.)
What could change in that person's life because of that?
What could change in our lives because of practicing that kind of contact?
What might change in relationships because of that small intentional reach out?
If you are like me then you think about someone at least once a day accompanied by the thought, "Oh I should fill in the blank them (call, text, etc)" and then the day continues and you get caught up in its flow and the thought occurs to you again about midnight when you need to be sleeping. And then you just never follow through. The thought was there but never acted on. And if you are like me perhaps you have shrugged your shoulders and said, "Oh well it's the thought that counts." Um. Not in this case actually. In this kind of situation the thought doesn't count because nobody but you knows you had the thought! So make the thought count, share it with the person you had it about. Take 30 seconds and communicate with them. Make the thought count.
I'm not good at making the thought count. There's my confession. I just spent the last few minutes telling *you* to do it when I myself kinda stink at it. But I promise I'm not being hypocritical, you want to know why? Because I'm not saying I am great at this and because I use posts like these to be a reminder to me of how I want to live my life. So really this whole post is for me and if *you* get something out of it then great! Also, sometimes I stink at this because of the season of life I am in. Sometimes my seasons wear me out and I'm just trying to get through the days. And sometimes my seasons are dark and when they are one of the first things to taper off in my life is my communication with others. These aren't excuses, just realities. And you have your realities as well. But even in the midst of our realities let's try to reach out in small but potentially meaningful ways.
Let's make the thought count.
Friday, April 18, 2014
The Vulnerability of Feet
Recently our home church decided to invade comfort levels and wash each other's feet. It ended up families washed each other's feet while the other families observed. We need to take baby steps (pun intended) with this whole command. Yep, it's a command given to us by Christ.
Frankly, it is a little unnerving to consider. And what's weird about that is that I am all about getting a pedicure, I have no qualms about a perfect stranger touching my feet. I don't mind my husband rubbing my feet either. But washing them? I start to pull back a little. There is something oddly intimate about someone else washing my feet. It places me in a position of vulnerability and that is very unnerving. And as I watched other people getting their feet watched I felt vulnerable on their behalf.
What is it about feet that exposes us to others, to even ourselves? Perhaps it is that feet are so unique, filled with personality and character. They can be, and are, beautiful - ugly - bony - chubby - cracked - smooth - calloused - tough - sensitive - small - large - smelly. And to expose them to someone else feels like we are exposing them to all of those things that are true of us as well. We can be, and are, beautiful - ugly - edgy - curvy - cracked - smooth - calloused - tough - sensitive - smelly. And we pull back when we don't want others to see and know that about us, even our spouses.
When I held my foot out to my husband I instinctively curled my toes inward as if drawing back. It's possible I even drew my foot back a bit but he had a grasp on it by that point so he kept it over the bowl. He poured the water over it and then took the towel to dry it off. Such intimacy. And with others watching it made it just a tad more unnerving. There was nervous twittering the entire time from all of us there. It's uncomfortable to take part in and observe such an intimate act.
I imagine the disciples felt similar when Jesus stripped off his outer garments, tied a towel around his waist, and knelt down on the ground at the dusty and smelly feet of the men who had followed him for the last three years. I imagine there was nervous twittering and an insecurity at Jesus touching the rough and calloused feet. But Peter, as usual, was the only one bold enough to speak out loud what I think all of them were thinking, "Lord, you are going to wash my feet?" Jesus answered in the affirmative and Peter, as usual, came back with, "No! You should never wash my feet!" Imagine telling Jesus no. Oh wait. We do, everyday. We tell him no everyday. We, like Peter, lose sight of who is knelt down at our feet. We forget the past years of learning at his feet. We curl our figurative toes inward to draw away from the one who wants to wash us clean. We protest with voices that tremble with insecurity and fear at being found in such a vulnerable position. And Jesus, with grace in his voice and love in his eyes, says to Peter, and to us, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Now I confess I am not near as bold as Peter who then, as usual, took it all the way, "Well then Lord don't stop at my feet! Wash all of me!" Poor Peter. He gets a lot of flack from the pulpit for his bold statements and actions. But I see and hear zeal in Peter. He is zealous for the Lord. He loves Jesus more than he may even realize. He believes even if he isn't quite sure what that belief means or will cost him. I like Peter, I relate to him. I, too, feel zeal for my Lord. But I'm not bold like Peter. I draw back and take a slower approach. Jesus corrects Peter, and perhaps us, "No Peter. You don't need a full body wash, you are clean except for your feet. Washing your feet fulfills the need." Peter quiets down and we can assume he then placed his feet in the hands of Jesus.
I understand the vacillating. I pull back from Jesus, unwilling to let him see and touch my insecurities and flaws. He tells me that if I don't allow him in those places then I will have no part with him so I throw everything I have at him in desperation to be part of him. He has to pull me back to a balance and reminds me that he only asked for specific insecurities and flaws, not all of it. He knows what I don't. Eventually we'll get to the place where he has touched every insecurity and flaw but we'll take baby steps to get there (pun intended).
If I can't get vulnerable with the One who created me then I'm really going to have a tough time getting vulnerable with people. And I see the struggle in me. I vacillate with people - my husband, my besties, my community. I want vulnerability and sometimes I'm able to get there but a lot of times I curl my heart inward and start to pull back. It is a lot of steps forward and backward but Philippians 1:6 says I have as much time as God determines I need to be called "complete" and since I see being complete includes allowing all of me to have been exposed and cleansed by Christ I guess I'm going to have to be patient in the process, and allow grace to wash over me...and my feet.
Frankly, it is a little unnerving to consider. And what's weird about that is that I am all about getting a pedicure, I have no qualms about a perfect stranger touching my feet. I don't mind my husband rubbing my feet either. But washing them? I start to pull back a little. There is something oddly intimate about someone else washing my feet. It places me in a position of vulnerability and that is very unnerving. And as I watched other people getting their feet watched I felt vulnerable on their behalf.
What is it about feet that exposes us to others, to even ourselves? Perhaps it is that feet are so unique, filled with personality and character. They can be, and are, beautiful - ugly - bony - chubby - cracked - smooth - calloused - tough - sensitive - small - large - smelly. And to expose them to someone else feels like we are exposing them to all of those things that are true of us as well. We can be, and are, beautiful - ugly - edgy - curvy - cracked - smooth - calloused - tough - sensitive - smelly. And we pull back when we don't want others to see and know that about us, even our spouses.
When I held my foot out to my husband I instinctively curled my toes inward as if drawing back. It's possible I even drew my foot back a bit but he had a grasp on it by that point so he kept it over the bowl. He poured the water over it and then took the towel to dry it off. Such intimacy. And with others watching it made it just a tad more unnerving. There was nervous twittering the entire time from all of us there. It's uncomfortable to take part in and observe such an intimate act.
I imagine the disciples felt similar when Jesus stripped off his outer garments, tied a towel around his waist, and knelt down on the ground at the dusty and smelly feet of the men who had followed him for the last three years. I imagine there was nervous twittering and an insecurity at Jesus touching the rough and calloused feet. But Peter, as usual, was the only one bold enough to speak out loud what I think all of them were thinking, "Lord, you are going to wash my feet?" Jesus answered in the affirmative and Peter, as usual, came back with, "No! You should never wash my feet!" Imagine telling Jesus no. Oh wait. We do, everyday. We tell him no everyday. We, like Peter, lose sight of who is knelt down at our feet. We forget the past years of learning at his feet. We curl our figurative toes inward to draw away from the one who wants to wash us clean. We protest with voices that tremble with insecurity and fear at being found in such a vulnerable position. And Jesus, with grace in his voice and love in his eyes, says to Peter, and to us, "Unless I wash you, you have no part with me." Now I confess I am not near as bold as Peter who then, as usual, took it all the way, "Well then Lord don't stop at my feet! Wash all of me!" Poor Peter. He gets a lot of flack from the pulpit for his bold statements and actions. But I see and hear zeal in Peter. He is zealous for the Lord. He loves Jesus more than he may even realize. He believes even if he isn't quite sure what that belief means or will cost him. I like Peter, I relate to him. I, too, feel zeal for my Lord. But I'm not bold like Peter. I draw back and take a slower approach. Jesus corrects Peter, and perhaps us, "No Peter. You don't need a full body wash, you are clean except for your feet. Washing your feet fulfills the need." Peter quiets down and we can assume he then placed his feet in the hands of Jesus.
I understand the vacillating. I pull back from Jesus, unwilling to let him see and touch my insecurities and flaws. He tells me that if I don't allow him in those places then I will have no part with him so I throw everything I have at him in desperation to be part of him. He has to pull me back to a balance and reminds me that he only asked for specific insecurities and flaws, not all of it. He knows what I don't. Eventually we'll get to the place where he has touched every insecurity and flaw but we'll take baby steps to get there (pun intended).
If I can't get vulnerable with the One who created me then I'm really going to have a tough time getting vulnerable with people. And I see the struggle in me. I vacillate with people - my husband, my besties, my community. I want vulnerability and sometimes I'm able to get there but a lot of times I curl my heart inward and start to pull back. It is a lot of steps forward and backward but Philippians 1:6 says I have as much time as God determines I need to be called "complete" and since I see being complete includes allowing all of me to have been exposed and cleansed by Christ I guess I'm going to have to be patient in the process, and allow grace to wash over me...and my feet.
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