The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 9)

Have you ever found it "painful" to put on clothes for the day?  :)  "Painful" on a mental/emotional, physical, or even spiritual level?  (And now I'm wondering if the answer to this question is why there are nudist colonies...)

Do people know that the doctrines they are so tied to aren't necessarily GOD'S doctrines?  Just sayin'.

What is the point of perforation on things (i.e. paper towels, checks...) if it doesn't work? 

Following Jesus is really very simple, so why have we/do we complicate it so?

When do you use the spelling grey and the spelling gray?  Are the two spellings interchangeable or is there some sort of protocol?  :)

What I lack for in education I make up for in heart.  Which one matters most to God? (Rhetorical question, I already know the answer but do you? *smile*)

I saw a sticker on a car.  "Twilight Mom"  Really?  What is up with middle aged women being obsessed with a teen fiction series?  It seems awfully unhealthy to me...just sayin'.

If my parents hadn't married each other would I still be in existence and if so, would one of them be one of my parents or would I belong to completely different people?  You know what I'm saying?  :)

Why do "we" sing songs telling God who he is?  He knows who he is! 

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me...REALLY?

"Sticks and stones may break my bones

but names will never hurt me." 

We all grew up being taught this. 
As an adult I just listen to that and can't help but say...
REALLY?!?  I DON'T THINK SO! 


When I look back on my life to this point I don't remember the physical injuries people may have dealt me but I sure do remember the verbal injuries I have been dealt.  Every "moo" that was directed my way in Middle School echoes in my brain and heart to this very day.  Every word that has been spoken to me that communicated lack of worth/value, lack of purpose, or lack of contribution has wrapped their sticky tentacles around my heart and soul and acted as an anaconda, squeezing the life out of me - or threatening to. 


I've never been a domestic abuse victim but from my observations what the victims have the harder time healing from is the words dealt them along with the physical blows.  Oh sure, there is going to be some residual fear from the physical abuse.  But verbal abuse is a weapon that drives far below the surface and strikes at the very core of who that person is.  Verbal abuse attacks the character and personality, it introduces a death, it clings to a person and covers them like a blanket and then smothers them.  Sticks and stones may break our bones but names will always hurt.  ALWAYS. 


"Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim."  (Proverbs 15:4)  Another translation says that we can speak either words of life (the kind ones, the ones that are truthful but communicated in love) or we can speak words of death (I'm pretty sure I don't need to clarify anything on this one).  I'm willing to bet that each of us have been on both sides - we have spoken words of life and death (be honest) and we have been the recipients of words of life and death.  As a recipient it's easy to see how kind words heal and help and cutting words wound and maim but let's take it a step further in the interest of being more like Christ.  :)  (Not interested in being more like Christ?  Then take it a step further in the interest of being a better human.  But if you are curious about being more like Christ, let's talk.) 


Okay, so we are stepping out a bit...


I'm thinking about the times I have spoken words of life to people I love, and more importantly, I think, to people I don't love so much.  (Just bein' real.)  I walked away feeling good, feeling settled in my spirit.  Speaking words of life doesn't leave a taste of regret in my mouth or a heaviness in my heart.  In fact, a lot of times the words of life I speak over someone end up helping and healing ME in some way!  So, now it's your turn.  How have you felt when you have spoken words of life - truth in kindness - to someone? 


I started with words of life because that's a whole lot more fun and enjoyable to think about than the words of death we are all guilty of uttering.  C'mon, it's okay to be real.  :)  So, words of death. 
Just like words of life, I have spoken words of death to people I love and people I don't so much.  (Still bein' real.)  Words of death are interesting because as humans we tend to speak them as much to people that we love as we do to people that we don't whereas words of life we reserve more for people we love.  Some switch in us is flipped that tells us it's "okay" to speak cutting words to people we love because they won't leave us.  HUH.  I have never understood this about human nature but I, unfortunately, have fallen into that trap a "time or two" (or three hundred...ugh).  Walking away from speaking words of death, because let's face it - I know better and I knew somewhere in me that they weren't kind but rather cutting, finds me feeling icky, unsettled in my spirit.  Speaking words of death always leaves a bad taste in my mouth and a heavy heart.  YUCK.  And just like words of life that I speak end up helping me in some way, words of death that I speak end up wounding or cutting ME in some way.  DOUBLE YUCK.  So, now it's your turn.  How have you felt when you have spoken words of death - words that wound and destroy - to someone? 

{Remember this self -evaluation is in the interest of being a better human or being more like Christ - or heck, both - and will only work if you are brutally honest with yourself about yourself!  Nobody else is going to know the answer so you might as well be honest!}  


Does it mean we can't speak truth to someone?  Nope.  It means we speak truth in the kindest way possible because that's how we want truth communicated to us and we know, deep down, that is how truth is best received - if it's going to be received.  Will or can kind words offend?  Yep.  But the offense is always meant for the betterment of that person and they know it as we speak it. 

Words of life = healthy, growing relationships
Words of death = death of relationships

Do you feel caught in the trap of speaking words of death?  Seek help, seek accountability, before you utter a word think it through, consider the words you want to speak being spoken to you - would you like it? 
Do you feel like the words of death spoken over you are attempting to squeeze the life out of you?  Seek help, seek Truth, reject the lies. 
To end, a song - of course!  This is Dave Barnes singing, "Sticks And Stones" (video/song at bottom of lyrics)

You would have kept those words on your tongue,


If you had known the hurt they had done.


While your fists stay by, right by your side,


Your words they bruise me deep inside.




I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones


than the words you say to me,


Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal


but your words beat the life from me.




Sometimes your words are thick as lead,


You swing them strong upside my head.


But what hasn't killed has made me strong,


So I'll take my scars and move along.



I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones


than the words you say to me,


Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal


but your words beat the life from me.




Goodbye is the best way that I know,


To forgive and still be letting go.




I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones


than the words you say to me,


Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal


but your words beat the life from me.

Hey, how many of those camels need water anyway?!

A long ago friend shared something with me long ago.  And I have found it to be a useful piece of counsel to share with others through the years, I almost exclusively use it with single people who are wondering if they are ever going to find Mr. or Mrs. Right.  BUT it hit me a while ago that really the counsel is good for anyone who feels caught in the middle of a huge waiting game with God or more accurately is disgruntled with God because they aren't getting to do what they think they should be doing "for" God.  The counsel comes directly from Genesis 24 and the story of Isaac and Rebekah.  (Click here to read the real story)  The Beth Brief (quit snickering, I can be brief when I wanna be) Summary is this: Abe wants his boy to get a woman.  Abe sends his servant to get the boy a woman.  This makes the servant nervous so he asks God for help picking the right woman.  God helps, the servant picks a woman, and the boy gets the girl. 
And here's where you go...WHAT?!?  Okay fine.  I folded under the pressure to prove I could be brief but let me expand a wee bit more.  Abe didn't want his boy, Isaac, to be without a woman when he (Abe) died.  And for whatever reason Isaac wasn't looking for his own woman so Abe took it in his own hands and sent his head servant out with instructions to not return unless he has a woman for Isaac.  The scared ?, intimidated ?, nervous ? servant implored the God of his master to help him by showing him through a specific sign who the Mrs. Right was.  A woman showed up to water her camels and fulfilled the specific sign (think of it like God pointing a finger at her and saying to the servant, "THAT'S HER.").  She agreed to marrying Isaac, sight unseen (and that's a whole different blog), and Isaac got himself a woman. 
Okay.  Now that you've got a wee bit more of the story let's dig in. 
So many times when this passage is taught in churches the focus is the faith of the servant.  Or it is about Isaac and Abe in some way.  Rarely is Rebekah looked at.  Guess what?  :)  I'm looking at Rebekah. 
If you read the real story, answer this question: what was Rebekah doing when she showed up at the watering hole to water the camels?  The surface, duh Beth answer is she was watering the camels.  Okay BUT who told her to water them?  Well, her father of course!  So what was Rebekah doing?  She was being obedient to her Father by doing what he asked.  She wasn't sitting around waiting for a better task to come along or for someone else to come around to do it for her.  It isn't said in the story if Rebekah was also wondering about Mr. Right.  Was she also keeping her eyes peeled for one?  Or was she indifferent to the idea (which I hardly doubt considering the importance her culture placed on being a wife and bearing children)?  I wish we could have a little more of Rebekah's take on this whole circumstance.  But we don't.  All we have is what we have.  So let's go with it, because we can. 
Let me ask you a question, and at first you might be tempted to answer with a, "Duh, Beth..." but resist the temptation and think before you speak please!  :)  What has God asked YOU to do...today?  Right now at this very moment?  What "camels" has he commissioned you to water today?  Now here's another question, how exciting or personally fulfilling do you think it was for Rebekah to be watering the camels?  (Not to mention the amount of time and work it takes to water a herd of camels!)  And so transfer that question to yourself, how exciting or personally fulfilling is it for you to be where you are at right now?  When God asks us to obey it isn't so we will be excited and personally fulfilled.  He's got a bigger plan and a bigger mission in mind than our personal excitement or fulfillment.  It isn't about us, it's about HIM.  Rebekah wasn't watering the camels because she was personally excited about that task or personally fulfilled by it.  She was doing it because she understood obedience to her Father.  Do I understand obedience to my Father?  Do you?  "But Beth..."  But Beth nothing.  You know what has excited me about watering the camels God asks me to?  That I obeyed him and didn't moan and groan while doing so.  You know what I have found personally fulfills me?  When I obey my DAD with a pure and joyful heart.  See, some camels that God has asked me to water haven't been so fun.  They've "spit" at me, they've gone "stubborn" on me, I've been under appreciated by them, the watering hole was hot and dusty, the isolation just about did me in.  But funny thing.  On the other side of the watering hole was something I couldn't see, only God knew about and it changed my life forever.  Rebekah's life was changed forever by obeying her Dad and showing up at the watering hole.  Is it possible that my life, that your life could be changed by a pure and joyful obedience to God's request to water camels?  Is it possible?  Yes.
Yes it's possible when we aren't begrudging the Lord for the camels he's asked us to water while we wait.  That's the other side of this.  We want to be doing bigger, better, and what we think are more important things "for God" than this watering hole we feel stuck at right now.  Hmm.  We have placed a value on the types and kinds of work there is out there to do.  And we think that because God sends off to water a big camel that we will always water big camels so we get disappointed, irritable, frustrated when he then asks us to water what we perceive to be small camels.  Just a quick question that I've had to answer already so I thought I would pose to you:  who are you to tell God which camels are more important than others?  Do you realize that whining to God about the perceived small camels you are watering right now is basically telling him that he doesn't know what he's doing?  So you feeling gutsy enough to tell God that he isn't sovereign?  Because that is what you are saying to him. 
I've sat in counseling offices and counseled women in a "professional" setting and I've sat in coffee houses and counseled women in a "casual" setting.  For a (very) short season it felt like a demotion of sorts.  To go from being officially recognized as a counselor to well, counseling by word of mouth!  I felt whiny about it until I held my first un-official counseling session in a coffee shop and that shut me up.  God so clearly showed me the benefits of the coffee house "watering hole" over the office one that I came away relieved to not be stuck in the office one anymore!  Perspective.  It felt like I was going from big to small but in God's reality I was being promoted.  I'm gifted administratively.  I'm wired to be an admin assist and let me tell you, I am a GOOD one.  So why aren't I someones admin assist and instead sitting behind a front desk spending my working hours greeting people?  I mean, God didn't I do good enough watering those big camels?  Why would you ever ask me to sit behind a front desk and virtually let my admin skills go unused?  Why God have you forsaken me?  (You all know I'm just saying all this to make a point right?)  The front desk might seem like small camels and a small watering hole to me or to others BUT it's no less important than the job I have done before as an admin assist, which some would say was big camels and big watering hole.  Perspective. What if the watering hole you say and feel "stuck" at right now is actually a promotion in God's Kingdom?  Are you still going to begrudge God because you have a higher view of yourself than you ought? 
The nitty-gritty of the counsel out of Genesis 24 is this:  obey your Dad with a pure heart and a joyful spirit and water the camels he's told you to and watch him reward you in unexpected and life-changing ways. 

RSVP - seriously!

Okay, because this is my blog and I can talk about pretty much whatever I want I have to take a moment and vent.  And yes, for the record this would be a convo I would have in a coffee house. 

People.  When a host/hostess asks for a RSVP they really do need to hear from you.  And an RSVP doesn't mean just if you are coming.  It means to respond with either a yes or a no.  SHEESH.  (Don't believe me?  Click here for the lowdown.)  It is one of my major pet peeves.  It is rude and insensitive to the party planners who are trying to most likely stay within a budget, perhaps plan special favors for the attendees, etc.  How long can it really take for you to repsond with a voice mail, email, or text that yes or no you will be attending the event you were invited to? 

ARG! 

Facebook for Dummy Parents

With the oldest redheaded wonder officially entering the teen years Lanny and I have entered a whole new season of parenthood.  And with the technology of today, part of that season happens to be Facebook.  Of course, Lanny is the smart one out of us and refuses to get on Facebook.  Me?  I'm more optimistic that I will be one of those parents that can bridge the gap between embarrassing parent and cool parent.  Um.  Yeah.  I guess not.  At least this is according to the oldest redhead. 

On April 12 we sat down together and I helped her set up her account (yes, all privacy settings are as high as I can get them on FB, no worries people!) and I wrote a message on her wall welcoming her.  That seemed to be okay so I wrote another one later on.  Apparently THAT was pushing it.  The next morning I thought she might want some pics of her and her art on her page so I went through and tagged a bunch of pics I have of her.  QUIT LAUGHING.  She didn't say don't do it so how was I to know?  Her text to me later that afternoon went something like this:
Oldest Redheaded Wonder:  O Mom u did not
Me:  Did not what?
Oldest Redhead: Wat did u do?
Me:  What are you talking about?  I haven't done anything!
Oldest Redhead:  There r pics of me on fb
Me:  Oh yeah, I thought you'd want some of you for profile pics and stuff.
Oldest Redhead: Dont evr do it again. U need to ask me first
Me:  Um, what?  Are you saying that I the mom have to ask you the daughter for permission to post pics of you on FB? 
Oldest Redhead: Yep

I was perplexed.  They were cute pics of her.  So about this time a teen boy comes in to work (who I am also friends with on FB btw) and I ask him if its so bad that I tagged pics of her.  He just laughed.  I asked if he was friends with his parents on FB, his answer was yes.  I then asked well do they post pics of you and he gave me the strangest look and said nope.  Huh.  Seems my learning curve on this one has just begun. 

So here it is.  For all you parents out there about to enter the teen waters and the world of Facebook with your teens...

Facebook Tips for Dummy Parents:

1. Don't tag your newly teenaged child in any of the pics you have on your page of them.  Apparently this is a huge no-no. 
2. Don't refer to your child at all in any status update because someone might accidently see it and smirk in their direction.  This will label you as the "embarrassing parent". 
3. If you feel the urge to write on their wall then limit it to something like, "Wat up?" Do NOT, and I repeat NOT, write on their wall how awesome they are or how much you love them or heaven forbid how handsome/cute they are.  This is possible grounds for de-friending by your own flesh and blood. 
4. By using proper grammer you will be made fun of by your child who writes in some sort of code that doesn't include vowels for the most part.  Be prepared for the mockery. 
5. Don't ever expect your child to write on your wall or even visit your page.  You may have given birth to them but in the world of FB you are equals and you are, GASP, old! 

After that day in which I was reprimanded by my child for basically thinking that she was cool I have thought the best approach to co-habitating on Facebook peacefully is to just leave her be.  Oh sure, I skim by her page every so often but you'll not see my mark anywhere on there.  I leave the hugs and kisses and affirmations for public, like when she's getting out the car in the mornings and all her school buddies are standing right there. 

Oh.  That's not acceptable either?!? 

Stunted Growth

Much education today is monumentally ineffective. All too often we are giving young people cut flowers when we should be teaching them to grow their own plants.

John W. Gardner

How many future artists, entrepreneurs, engineers, musicians, athletes, philosophers, pastors, noble prize winners, politicians, etc have we "buried"? 
"What Beth?  What are you talking about?  "I" haven't buried anyone!" 
Perhaps we haven't but "we" (as in the world) have.  We have buried our future under a mountain of depravity.  Our futures are suffocating under all the weight of this world.  The weight of poverty, addictions, money, fear, hopelessness, lack of education and so many other weights that can be and are specific to different countries and cultures. 


A few months ago I watched a docu (Born into Brothels) in which kids of Indian (India) prostitutes were seeking out a better and different life than the brothel they were being raised in.  It was amazing to me that these children knew that the life their mothers (and grandmothers and great-grandmothers) were living wasn't going to get them anywhere.  One of the boys, it turns out, is a brilliant artist!  I mean really amazing.  But living in that brothel, destined to follow in the footsteps of his drug dealing, prostituting family he wasn't going to be able to share his art with the world.  It, and he, were getting buried.  Whatever light was shining from him was slowly, day by day, getting snuffed out.  So what to do? 


An interesting thing is happening here in America.  Slowly our school music and art programs are getting snuffed out.  The "budget" doesn't allow for those things any longer.  Huh.  Can you guess what is next?  Yeah, that would be physical education.  In fact, I know of some schools in Colorado who already have cut it out plus recess!  So if "we" remove the art classes, the music classes, and the PE classes then what have "we" done?  We have buried future artists, musicians, and athletes, amongst other careers. We have buried our children and our futures under a mountain of depravity. Franklin D. Roosevelt said, "The school is the last expenditure upon which America should be willing to economize."  Apparently todays' education administrators haven't taken FDR's thoughts very seriously even though he was 100% correct.  In America the depravity consists mostly of money.  We have valued money over our children and their futures, our futures.  *Can I ask, why doesn't the "budget" allow for those programs any longer?  I'll tell you why.  (Oh yeah it was a total rhetorical question!)  Because district superintendents have hefty salaries.  Seriously.  I am so tired of hearing about schools - private and public - who are raising costs, cutting vital programs, laying off teachers, offering the lowest quality of food possible, etc and yet the supers are still sitting pretty with their hefty salaries.  Tell me, Superintendent, do you really NEED that hefty salary that is no doubt paying for your sports car, huge house, and country club.  C'mon.  Get rid of the sports car, the huge house, and the country club and start thinking about the kids - for real.  We don't want any more lip service from you about how much you care about the education of children.  PROVE IT. 
Another mountain that has buried our American children is the severely skewed "No Child Left Behind" act that introduced some of the worst testing ever.  I have a whole soapbox I could stand on about this particular attempt to make sure no child gets left behind.  In regards to this particular post, the problem is that in an attempt to make sure no child was left behind (a phrase, btw, that I can't stand since it represents so much contradiction) in math and science (because by golly we have to beat the Chinese at everything) we put our children behind in everything else!  Art, Music, PE - these are vital parts of developing a well-rounded human being.  In fact look at some of these statistics regarding art education (art and music).  Kids who are able to have art education are:
* 4 times more likely to be recognized for academic achievement
* 3 times more likely to be elected to class office within their schools
* 4 times more likely to participate in a math and science fair
* 3 times more likely to win an award for school attendance
* 4 times more likely to win an award for writing an essay or poem
Young artists, as compared with their peers, are likely to:
* Attend music, art, and dance classes nearly three times as frequently
* Participate in youth groups nearly four times as frequently
* Read for pleasure nearly twice as often
* Perform community service more than four times as often


Those kind of facts point to a well-rounded person.  Regurgitating math and science facts so that a stupid test can be passed doesn't a well-rounded person make.  Just sayin'.  The fact of the matter is that we have left our children behind when it comes to being expressive, creative, well-rounded, cultured because we have removed the very opportunities they had to experiment.  Why do we think we have to turn our children and therefore future adults into robots instead of expressive, well-adjusted humans?  Not only have we left our children behind and done them a great disservice but we have buried them under "our" drive for competition as well as money. 


In countries like India the children are getting buried by lack and in countries like America the children are getting buried by greed.  In either case a burial is occurring.  It is a burial of our future artists, entrepreneurs, engineers, musicians, athletes, philosophers, pastors, noble prize winners, politicians, etc.


What should we do about it?  What can we do about it?  The University of Michigan - GO BLUE! - published an article about what we can do.  Click here to read it.  It's worth the read I promise!  But the bottom line of the article is your first step of action is to get involved at the local level with your district.  Don't allow your district to think that you don't care about the children in the community becoming well-rounded, well-educated humans.  And my further challenge on this is that if you are a homeschooling family still get involved and fight for all the children in your community.  Because while your children are your future so are the other children.  So fight for them!  If your district plugs their ears and favors the Super's heavy salary and CSAP teaching over well-rounded children then go to plan B.  Search for a local organization that might be offering arts education after school or on weekends.  (An example would be Wingspan Arts in NYC - check 'em out for ideas!)  Get creative!  (After all we adults, or most of us 25 and older, got a well-rounded education in school and should know how to be creative.)  If there isn't a local organization but YOU know some musicians, some artists, some theater people ask them if they'd be willing to do a child friendly workshop once a month or something.  Something is better than nothing.  Check into music lessons, acting lessons, art lessons, etc lessons for your children as extra curricular if there is no organization.  Do something to help your children and other children become all that they can be. 

The boy in India?  Wondering what happened with him?  Well a woman by the name of Zana started teaching beginning photography to a group of these brothel kids in India a few years back.  It's grown into an organization, Kids With Cameras, and this boy attended the class and was essentially rescued out of the downward spiral he was living in.  10 years later he's studying at NYU and is in the midst of creating a positive life for himself and future generations of his family.  (Click here for the update on him)  And to think it all started with...art education. 

Which would you rather have? 

A generation, or more, of children who are "cut flowers" or "blooming, flourishing plants"? 

******************************************
For informative articles on the death of art education in America click here and here.

For further statistics on education click here.
For further information on art budget cuts click here. And here. 
For teacher testimonials and further reasons why art is important click here.
For information on how to make arts education a priority in your school district click here. (PDF file)
For Current Art News click here.



*I realize that I only present two reasons for the budget cuts and there are, in each district, many more reasons than the two I present here.  And I also realize that not ALL Super's are getting hefty salaries, that there are a few who have good intentions.  Unfortunately those well intentioned Super's are getting the heave-ho these days in favor of, yes you guessed it, the bottom dollar.  Kinda like what has happened to our Farmers...but that's a whole different blog! :) 

In this little room

From my heart to yours...just replace songs and singing with writing stories and speaking.  :) Can I sing?  Actually yes but do I want to?  Actually no!  This song has always been a "theme" song of mine for writing.  I always pray that I only speak what God wants me to and it accomplishes a work far greater than I and that I could ever imagine or hope for because it doesn't come from me.  It all comes from HIM. 

Reflections On Marriage From The ICU

Have you ever had one of those days or moments when what lies before you forces you to stop and consider the width and depth of your character?  Of promises you have made to others?  Of what or Who keeps you grounded? 

My most recent moment of consideration happened on Wednesday, March 30 at about 5 am.  Most of you know the story, some of you don't and for that I apologize.  When life alters so quickly you tend to forget all the people who would probably want to know and try to remember who really needs to know! 

My consideration that came this time was that of my marriage.  My hub of 15 1/2 years (yay for Lanny for putting up with me for that long!) called out to me in the strongest voice he could and his message was, "I'm not going to make it, call 911."  This is the man that I usually can't get to go get a haircut much less get to a Doctor so I knew it was serious.  He was scared so I stayed calm and dialed 911.  Less than an hour later he was in the ER courtesy of an ambulance ride - his second in our marriage I might add - and Doc's were busy trying to figure out what was wrong with my man.  To say that he was sick is a gross understatement.  He was more than sick but I was at peace.  I can't explain that outside of Jesus being my sure foundation.  After a couple of hours they decided the better place for him was ICU (or CCU, same thing!).  So we moved there.  And that is where I would spend the next several days staring at my hub fighting for his life and considering what marriage vows really meant.  If you don't know the full story and really want to know then contact me and I'll share it with you. 

I don't know how old you were when you got married but I was a young thing. I was a month into my 21st year of life and Lanny was 2 months shy of 33 years old.  And can I just be honest about being that young and getting married?  Everyone I know that gets married at that age does it more with sex on the brain than the realities of marriage.  C'mon, let's be real.  Very few actually do it with reality in mind.  The Pastor is asking them to repeat their vows and they are, all the while thinking about having sex that night "legally" in the sight of God, if they are believers.  I remember saying our vows and the only ones I remember clearly are, "for richer or poorer", Lanny and I both actually snickered when those had to be repeated because we knew it would always be "for poorer" and so far that has been true.  :)  Anyway.  Hardly anyone really considers the wedding vows they make but once the sex calms down and the newness of it wears away and reality makes its presence known then marriage isn't all that and a bag of chips like anyone thinks on their wedding day.  Hey, I love marriage but there's a reality to it.  And apparently one of my purposes is to make sure the realities of life get highlighted and not neglected.  :) 

When we got married we said the traditional vows:
I, Beth, take you, Lanny to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part. 
Ha!  I was a month into my 21st year of life, moving from a bedroom in my parents home to a townhouse with a "boy".  I had no idea the reality of those vows!  But I was going to learn. 

Until March 30 I didn't even realize that I never think about those vows.  I don't "bring" them with me into every day and some of them I'm not very good at.  Life goes on and in the day-to-day I lose those vows.  Oh I still live by them but I never actually consider them.  Simple words that hold deeply sacred meaning.  Of course, on March 30, the part of the wedding vows that I focused in on were the sickness and health ones.  I remember that I actually thought to myself, "Well here we are at the sickness, the rubber meets the road here at this moment" and I was really good with it.  Ironically the sickness was going to further the poorer part of the vows as well and yet I was really good.  Lanny?  Oh he was sedated, he was fine with it all!  HA!  So I sat in ICU and looked at my hub breathing with the help of a ventilator and sedated so that he was "this" much aware but not really and I thought about the marriage vows.  In 15 1/2 years Lanny and I have experienced enough that we have covered, more than once, each vow.  Better?  Check.  Worse?  Check.  Richer?  Well compared to what? :)  Poorer?  CHECK.  Sickness? Check.  Health?  Check.  Love?  Check.  Cherish?  Here's where I fail and Lanny excels so check for him, epic fail for me.  Just being real.  (This is where a lot of you breathe a sigh of relief and think to yourselves, "Oh good, she DOES know...")  But experiencing each of the vows has done something.  I sat there and realized that Lanny and I?  Our marriage?  It is...well, it is STRONG and SOLID.  Sure, I'm not the greatest wife.  I've already confessed to the lack of cherishing like I should and I might as well let you know that I'm a major reason for the poorer status of our marriage.  Lanny can often be heard saying, "God bless your generous heart Beth..." as he attempts to squeeze blood out of the turnip named Peninger finances.  :)  But back to strong and solid because I'd really like to swing focus back to that.  :)  We really are strong and solid.  That doesn't mean we are perfect.  It doesn't mean we don't bicker.  It doesn't mean that we don't, at times, irritate the heck out of each other.  It doesn't mean that at times we haven't silently questioned what in the heck were we thinking when we agreed to marry?  But overall health of our marriage?  Strong and solid.  Imagine, I thought, what our marriage would be like if I intentionally thought about our vows every day?  What if I brought them into the day-to-day?  How would that change our marriage for the even better?  Considerations like these are the reason why marriage is a marathon not a sprint.  15 years and I'm JUST now thinking about it?  This is marathon stuff. 

I know my hub.  And I know his thoughts and his process and even his faith when things like this happen, especially to our family.  So I prepared.  I called one of his best friends in to pray some specific things, I shared with a select few what I knew Lanny would say and do and requested prayer.  I got ready for when he woke up from sedation and was fully aware of the magnitude of this event.  An oft quoted and used scripture from Ecclesiastes for marriage and relationships comes from chapter 4, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  Lanny had fallen down, I was - I am - the one God has provided to help him up.  I've seen this in our marriage over and over again.  When one has fallen down (spiritual, emotional, physical, ect) the other always has this inner strength and is more than able to help the fallen one get back up on their feet.  Very rarely have we fallen down at the same time, if we ever have.  It makes me think of a three-legged race.  Remember those?  If one person allows their head to get ahead of the rhythm of the race both fall.  But if both of them can keep their head in the game when one stumbles a bit (because even with our head in the game we can take little stumbles when obstacles appear that we didn't anticipate) the other can get them back on track and they continue to race.  A test in any marriage is this:  will you help your fallen spouse up?  Not can you but will you?  There's a difference between the two.  One is ability and one is desire.  It's great when those two meet up, some powerful things can happen.  But when someone denies their ability to assist their spouse in whatever way they have fallen because they don't have a desire to see their spouse get up then there is a problem.  A big one.  What if Lanny and I had argued, horribly, right before this happened?  A test of my character and commitment to him would be can I put that aside and love my hub and help him or am I going to hold a grudge and "punish" him for our argument?  We didn't argue prior to his "fall" but I had to consider what if we had?  What would my response then have been?  Would it have changed from how I did respond?  The answer, btw, is no.  I would've responded exactly how I did because I, regardless of arguments etc, have a desire and ability to be a helpmate to my hub and those two things I chose to override flesh responses.  Lanny laying in an ICU bed and the days following when he was awake and was responding as I knew he would was a visual of Ecclesiastes in our marriage.  I came alongside and prayed for him and wiped his tears and smoothed his brow and spoke words of assurance.  None of it was forced or fake btw, I genuinely meant and felt it all.  God had given me that peace that passes all human understanding and comprehension.  He promises to do that for us and he did it for me so that I could help my hub to get back up on his feet in figurative ways. 

We left the ICU with a stronger marriage I believe.  Stronger because I had a moment.  Stronger because God gave me opportunity to literally see and feel marriage vows and Ecclesiastes and the promises of peace from him.  Will I be "perfect"?  Nope.  I'll mess up, I probably already have, but I'm much more aware now and feeling much more intentional and that is always half the battle! 

Lanny and I are strong and solid.  How much more so will we be when I chose to bring our vows into the day-to-day in intentional ways?  Stay tuned!  :) 

Sips & Nibbles

I heard this past year that your taste buds change every seven years.  I found that fascinating.  The other day I tried to verify that information via Google and millions of hits on the words "taste", "buds", and "tongues".  Unfortunately I couldn't verify the info as each website gave either a true or a false to that fact.  But I do think our taste buds must go through some sort of change, phases or seasons if you will.  I've noticed that as I have aged my tastes have changed, matured, or altered. 

When I was a young'n my Grandpa would let me have a little bit of coffee with a good amount of cream and sugar (which probably explains why I have to have some cream and sugar when I drink coffee now).  He would wink at me and tell me that coffee would stunt my growth.  Ha!  As I got older as we saw that I was height challenged he would then say that it would grow hair on my chest.  He also said something else completely inappropriate so I won't repeat that!  :)  My coffee flavored cream & sugar drinking ended when we moved to a different state and I didn't pick coffee back up until I had graduated from High School and was working in a real job.  Somehow I got in the habit at stopping at my local 7-11 every morning and buying a large flavored coffee.  And I got hooked.  This was at the time that Starbucks hadn't hit my city yet (at least not that I know of) but coffee that you didn't make yourself was becoming the fad.  It was the beginning of the end for Folger's etc.  As suddenly as I started drinking coffee again I stopped.  It wasn't that important to me.  I wasn't drinking it for the caffeine but for the flavor.  I really genuinely love the taste of coffee.  After having our first child a coffee shop opened up rather close to me and a friend and I tried it out.  I haven't been back to 7-11 since. :)  Since 1998 I've been sipping coffee from coffee houses and my tastes in coffee have "matured".  Okay fine.  I've actually become a bit of a coffee "snob".  I won't, I can't drink stuff from a can.  Like ever.  (Okay, fine I will but talk about a little coffee with a bunch of cream and sugar!)

My whole life the thought and smell and look of blue cheese made me gag.  There's a Friends episode where Ross eats something Rachel made and makes the proclamation, "It tastes like feet!"  That's how I always felt about blue cheese.  And then I turned 36.  Suddenly, quite literally out of the blue, I CRAVED blue cheese.  I figured I knew what it tasted like based on what it smelled like and I was so hungry for that taste to hit my tongue that I drove to the store and bought some Blue Cheese dressing for salad.  Now?  I can't get enough of the stuff and the stronger the blue cheese the better!  I even started collecting recipes that use blue cheese.  I mean I can't get enough of it! 

When I first married I "cooked" for my husband.  Hamburger Helper, Little Juan Burritos, Spaghetti, and a few recipes I was brave enough to try.  Oh and we had lots of Velveeta Mac-n-Cheese, we LOVED that stuff (okay, confession...sometimes I still CRAVE the creaminess of Velveeta.  It's wrong that Velveeta is so good in all of its processed ways!).  I don't know when or how but I slowly phased out the Hamburger Helper and Little Juan Burritos and started opening up my cookbook more.  And I started to feel a little braver about flavors and spices and cooking methods.  At some point I "risked" using real garlic instead of garlic powder! :)  There was one recipe that called for Cumin and I couldn't pronounce it and I felt scared of it so I omitted it.  One day I felt brave and decided to give it a go.  OH MY GOODNESS.  Have you tried it?  You must!  It's a staple spice in my cooking now. 

The first sip of an alcoholic beverage I ever had was the foam of my Grandpa's beer.  Disgusting.  I was all of 5 or 6 and I'm sure it was some brand like Pabst or something that in the beer world is what something like Folger's is in the coffee world.  But it was gross and I never forgot it.  I had a few under the radar sips of alcohol while in Middle School but the next real sip of alcohol I had I was at a friend's house, whose name shall remain protected since I was - gasp - slightly underage.  It was a midori sour. A green apple jolly rancher in liquid form!  :)  Since then, and becoming officially of age, I have drank a little of this and a little of that and now in my 30's I think I've settled on the drinks I like and will spend the money on.  Never have taken to beer.  That Pabst, or whatever it was, foam must have ruined my taste buds for beer!  :) 

So do taste buds change every 7 years?  I don't know.  All I know is MY taste buds sure have made some changes over the years!  :)  My sips & nibbles have gone through a lot of phases and I bet they will go through a few more before all is said and done.  It's been said that as one ages the taste buds lose their ability to taste.  The last bud to go is the sweet one which would explain why most elderly people love their sweets, they can still taste them!  I sure do love sweet things but I really love savory so it will be a sad day indeed when those buds quit working. Until then I'll be cooking and baking and hopefully making the taste buds of the people I love really happy! 

Here's to sips & nibbles and being able to enjoy them because of taste buds!  Cheers! 

Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,

It's not you, it's me.  You'll always be my favorite back up.  You know, when I'm desperate for good coffee and there is no other options outside of gas stations and grocery store coffee.  And you aren't bad, it's just, well, you're not my favorite anymore. 

It's really kind of your fault, if you want to know the truth.  You started this trend of good coffee being accessible to the masses.  Suddenly we didn't have to travel to Europe to have good coffee in a cool atmosphere.  You brought that here and put it on every street corner.  For that I am eternally grateful.  But by doing that you had to know that others would think, "Hey, I could do that.  I know about coffee and chairs and tables and soothing music and neutral colors."  You had to know it would happen.  So where Starbucks popped up so did local people opening up their own coffee houses.  At first it didn't work.  There was nobody who could compete with you.  But now?  Now is a different story.  Many compete with you. 

Like I said, it's not you, it's me. 

It started so innocently.  A friend made me go to a different coffee house.  At first I resisted but their coffee drew me in.  Their roast was different...and better.  I'm so sorry.  Then I branched out and decided to give true local a chance.  My local coffee houses have won me over with their roasts and their drinks and, well, they are cozy and you?  Not so much.  My local houses have also won me over with their wi-fi that I can access without having to be part of AT&T or whoever you have partnered with and made it so I can never be wi-fi in your stores.

You will always hold a place in my heart.  You introduced me to good coffee and the calm of a coffee house.  I love your mugs, in fact they are the only ones I will use.  But I drink different coffee out of them.  

Like I said, it's not you, it's me and you will always be my favorite back up...mostly because my coffee houses are, well, local and can't travel with me.  

Thank you for your service to my taste buds all these years, I think of you fondly. 

Sincerely, 

Me 

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 8)

Billy Graham said, "Most of us do not understand nuclear fission, but we accept it. I don't understand television, but I accept it. I don't understand radio, but every week my voice goes out around the world, and I accept it. Why is it so easy to accept all these man-made miracles and so difficult to accept the miracles of the Bible?"  I ditto this question!  :) 


Is it really bad of me that I took advantage of Lanny being in the hospital to get him a new phone, which he was way overdue for, even though he insisted he didn't need one?  :) He was literally tied to a hospital bed, there was nothing he could do to stop me!  Yeah.  That's probably bad...


Why would you not donate your organs, tissue and corneas?  What do you plan to do with them after you are gone?!?  donatelife.net

Is it sad that I break into a sweat while putting fresh pillowcases on my pillows? 

Is it sacrilege of me to not want to attend Easter services...at my church?  :) 

How many of us really know the true definitions of the words we use?  Especially the slang words? 

Do people make up urban legends and such because 1) they believe it would be more fun to live life according to that thing or 2) they wanted to see how far and long their April Fool's Day joke would go or 3) they wanted to know how gullible I was?!?  :) 

Again, I ask: why are calories SO incredibly easy to put in but SO incredibly difficult to work off?!? 

The Lighter Moments of ICU

*Lanny parenting from his ICU bed and intubated.  He "air wrote" reminders to the oldest redhead to do chores and asked about school. :)

*Summoning me over to his bedside and "demanding" kisses from me. :)

*Requesting removal of his mole since he was getting everything else done! 

*Vented and sedated but wanted to watch TV. 

*Watching his daughters cry and air writing "I am okay". 

*My new addiction to Tazo Lemon Ginger beverage.  :) OH MY GOSH, SO GOOD! 

*Blaming another patient's loud passing of gas on one of his best friend's. HA! 

*After being extubated Lanny had his eyes closed and was listening to some hair band from back in his day and keeping time with his foot and all with a slight smile on his face. 

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 7)

Is it really OCD of me to "insist" (or prefer!) on even numbered things?  (i.e. families with even numbers, etc) 


Which First Baptist Church was actually the first?


How did Crayola come up with the crayon color names? (um, click on those words you just read for a current list from Crayola)  By committee?  Did/does one person get that job?  I think I might like that job!  Coming up with crayon color names?  C'mon!  How fun would that be?!?  You get to color all day long!  :) 


How many more silly and sacred questions can I ask? :)


If you died today, are you confident of where you would spend eternity?  (I'm being serious.)  And outside of being confident of where you would end up, are you okay with that?  (Again, being serious.)


Okay.  I have to ask.  Forgive me for any offense.  What is up with the condom machine's in gas station restrooms?  I mean really.  REALLY? 


Do all the other First Baptist Churches have insecurity about not being first so they are pretending they are first?  (I can't seem to let go of the questions I have about First Baptist Churches!)

Is there really a need for roundabouts in the middle of nowhere Kansas?!?  

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 6)

Where does line between collecting and hoarding get drawn?  And is that line blurred?


Have I ever given God permission to offend MY doctrine?  My doctrine, I am confident, is so different than his and I want to walk and live in HIS doctrine!  So have I given him permission to offend mine so that I can get to his?


Why does my brain think one word and my fingers type a totally different one? 


Is it possible to glean anything from someone that I disagree with the majority of the time?  (i.e. can I glean 1% percent from someone I disagree with 99%?)


At what age does someone begin to feel like a real adult?  Because I'm 36.5 years old and I still don't feel like a real adult!  (I know.  That totally sets me up for comments about how I act but whatever!)


How different would things in my life be if I let fear motivate me instead of stop me? 


If we traveled like the Jetson's would there be traffic issues in the sky?


What am I willing to "pay" to become the person I know I was created to be? 


Why does "white noise" work? How does it work?



Have you ever watched a Peep blow up in the microwave?  SO COOL.  :)

On March 16, 2011 I became a heretic. Who knew?!? :)

March 16, 2011 turned out to be an "interesting" day in the life of me.  By days end I was a heretic.  Man, I never thought I reach that level of insult in my Christian life.  Awesome.  OR NOT. 

I've thought of all sorts of clever Facebook status' to announce my newly declared position.  I called my husband and told him I hoped he didn't mind being married to a heretic.  I told my prayer team that they were friends with a heretic.  None of them seemed to mind.  Hmmm.  Maybe that means they are heretics also since they associate with me!  :)

First of all, just so we are all on the same page. 
A heretic, as defined by Webster's Dictionary, is:
1: a dissenter from established religious dogma; especially : a baptized member of the Roman Catholic Church who disavows a revealed truth
2: one who dissents from an accepted belief or doctrine : nonconformist
Heretic comes from heresy, of course.  Here's that definition:
1a : adherence to a religious opinion contrary to church dogma b : denial of a revealed truth by a baptized member of the Roman Catholic Church c : an opinion or doctrine contrary to church dogma

2a : dissent or deviation from a dominant theory, opinion, or practice b : an opinion, doctrine, or practice contrary to the truth or to generally accepted beliefs or standards
These definitions make me curious about the definition of dogma.  Here's that one:
1a : something held as an established opinion; especially : a definite authoritative tenet b : a code of such tenets c : a point of view or tenet put forth as authoritative without adequate grounds

2: a doctrine or body of doctrines concerning faith or morals formally stated and authoritatively proclaimed by a church



Huh.  Well after reading those definitions maybe I AM a heretic!  But maybe I am in the best way possible!  SAY WHAT BETH?!?  Yep.  That's what I said. Maybe I should go back to those that called me a heretic, among other uncalled for and nasty names, and thank them for the compliment.  How crazy would that be?!? 

So I read those definitions and now I'm thinking.  I mean I am really chewing.  The Church has an interesting history.  We certainly didn't shine in the Dark Ages when I believe some true God-loving and God-fearing people were killed for being dissenters of Church doctrine.  And the Dark Ages haven't been our only dark moments.  Just last week when I was being called a heretic I almost thought those involved in the conversation were constructing a stake with which to tie me to.  And no.  I'm not really exaggerating all that much.  They were THAT vicious toward me.  So I think, I wonder if I had lived in the Dark Ages would I have been burned at the stake for my "dissenting" beliefs?  Hmmm. 

I know.  You are thinking, "Beth, what in the world?  What could you possibly believe that would prompt this?"  Okay. I'll tell you.  Are you ready?  Get the ropes, stake, and matches out.  Heck, while you're at it throw in all the ingredients for s'mores. I might be able to get one in before I go completely up in flames. :)

Here goes nothing...
I am inspired by Mother Theresa AND I have grown spiritually from a couple of Rob Bell's Nooma videos AND I suggested to some people that before they pass judgement on teachers of God's Word that they first do the biblical thing and be a "Berean" (i.e. they do their own research and homework on the person and make sure all claims they are hearing second and third hand are true and not false or embellished). 

GASP. 

Tie me on and light the match, let's get this stake burning going! 

I know.  Sounds like I'm exaggerating right?  Guess what? I'm NOT.  Those reasons are truly why the stake was being prepared. 

I need to return to the definitions above.  They make me think of something a bestie of mine and I have been throwing around lately. "God, I give you permission to offend MY doctrine for YOURS."  See, God's doctrine is 100% accurate.  Mine, yours, theirs is not.  It's not!  And so according to the definitions above I just might be a heretic because I don't, I can't adhere to "dominant theory, opinion, or practice" or "generally accepted beliefs or standards" and I don't see where God is asking me to conform (in one of the definitions above it mentions that a heretic is a nonconformist), in fact I see quite the opposite - he asks us to be nonconformists!  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

Here's my take on this.  And mind you, I haven't worked this all out prior to typing these words.  I'm working it out RIGHT NOW, while typing.  This is hot off the press, fresh off my brain stuff going on.  So here's my take.  Just because it is generally accepted doesn't mean it is right and/or biblical!  But the Church has made some generally accepted things as good as Gospel when it fact they are not.  Just because some belief is a dominant one doesn't mean it is right and/or biblical!  But the Church has made it seem so. And if someone dares to question the generally accepted or dominant belief then light the match.  

REALLY?!?  

Are we that judgemental?  Are we that tied to our own doctrine?  Are we that sure of our accuracy?  Are we that threatened by someone who voices a different perspective?  Voices a doubt?  Voices a question?

REALLY?!? 
(You'll note that I can't help but ask that several times because I'm dumbfounded, just absolutely dumbfounded at the behavior of the Body of Christ and how they - on the whole - are choosing to represent Christ.  No wonder people are plugging their ears and walking the other way.  Were I not a believer in Jesus Christ already I'd be walking the other way as well.  Hey, I'm just being real and honest here.) 

Apparently "we" are all that and more.  Darn it. 
See, I've been "working" hard at not being like that and more. But unfortunately the yahoo's that act that way are a lot louder than those of us who choose to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. (Yes I just name called by calling them yahoo's.  I have other names I could use but I'm choosing to be the better person here. Cut me some slack!  Yahoo's is actually pretty nice of me.  Again, real and honest.) 

Above I made the suggestion that maybe I am a heretic in the best way possible.  Based on the definitions given I would say that the best way possible would mean that I don't blindly accept "generally accepted ideas or practices" and I don't blindly follow the "dominant opinions and theories" but I do what God asks me to do and I study his Word and his doctrine for myself!  According to the definitions and to the people who called me a heretic by being a "Berean" I am, in fact, a heretic!  So I'm choosing to say that I am a heretic in the best way possible because I'm choosing God over man, over myself!  I'm saying to God that I'm willing to have him expose my wrong thinking, my judgemental thinking, my unbiblical patterns and whatever else he needs to rid me of for the sake of his doctrine.  Because when it comes right down to it my heart really does want God's doctrine over my own or someone else's.

Maybe I'm delusional for choosing to "embrace" (okay I'm not really there yet - face it, the word or rather label 'heretic' stings a bit.  Not to mention the other names I was called.) the label "heretic". Maybe I'm choosing to read into it to ease my hurt heart.  Maybe I'm in denial about the definitions and don't want to see it for what it really is. 

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm on to something. 

Maybe, just maybe, I'm not the only heretic in my circles of influence.  Maybe this will start a revolution of heretics.  People willing to say to God, "God, I give you permission to offend MY doctrine for YOURS."  Maybe those kind of people are heretics in the best way possible. 

Maybe heretics won't be a dirty Christian word and insult anymore.  Maybe it can become a compliment.

Maybe. 

All I know is on March 16, 2011 I became a heretic.  And who knows?  Well God.  He knows! Awesome?  Maybe!

Stories

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered about their story?


Have you watched people tell their stories as they live their lives?


Do me a favor.  Take a minute to look at each person below.  Really look at them.  Some of them you will recognize, some of them you won't. 

Be honest: 
As you looked at each person did you assume their story? 
Did the way they look create a story in your mind? 
Or perhaps you recognized them and because of what you have heard through media sources you think you know their story.  Do you think you know the full story? 
Take for example picture 2, the drug addict.  What was your first thoughts about his story as you looked at his picture? 

We may not agree or like the story people tell through their lives but we all are storytellers. 


What's this all about you may wonder.  Where's Beth going THIS time?  :) 


When was the last time you made eye contact with a homeless person?  A cashier?  The janitor at your workplace or school?  Someone who is disabled?  A person with a deformity?  A person you pass on the street?  Someone you don't like?  Someone you know doesn't like you? 


I've noticed that the way people live their lives and tell their stories can make us really uncomfortable, so much so that we choose to pretend they don't exist, so much so that we won't make eye contact with them.  We choose to forget that they have a story.  I'm thinking about homeless people as I type this.  Have you EVER wondered why someone is homeless or have you assumed why they are?  There's a difference.  Wondering why will lead you down roads of compassion, assuming why leads you down one road - judgement.

Here's one more picture.  I'm thinking all of you will recognize this person. :)  

So let me ask the questions I did above with people you didn't know but now they point toward someone you do know on some level. 

Be honest because I don't want or need to hear the answers!  :)

As you looked at me did you assume my story?

Does the way I look create a story in your mind?
Or perhaps because you know me on some level you think you know my story. Do you think you know the full story?
What was your first thought about my story as you looked at my picture?

Seriously Beth.  What's up? 

Here's my point.  We all have a story we are telling.  And we all assume we know the story others are telling based on the way they look, or sound, or portray themselves to the world around them.  But I think most of our assumptions are wrong.  I'm willing to bet that even the story you think I am telling isn't correct on several levels.  And I'm about to prove that to you!  Yep, I'm about to reveal a little more of my story so that we can all understand that people aren't who they are just by public appearances alone.  :)  Most people are able to put on a public face and persona for a time and by that we assume we know their story.  Need I point out what assuming does?  :) 

Just who is Beth anyway?

What you see, experience, and hear from me is only part of who I am.  Are they true parts of me?  Yes.  Are they all of me?  No. 

Most of you see me as the person in the picture above.  Laughing, seemingly outgoing, sociable.  Want to know the truth?  I make myself be that because the reality is I am an introvert.  No. No arguing and telling me I'm not because I know who I am!  Remember, you are basing what you think you know about me based on your interactions with me.  Think about our interactions.  Have they been in social situations?  :)  Then you have perceived me as an extrovert because I can be one, albeit for a short time, when necessary.  People at my workplace think I am an extrovert because of how I present myself.  I actually had one person argue with me that I was not an introvert and they told me I didn't know myself!  Um.  I do know myself.  I am an introvert.  Ask my husband and ask my counselor! :)  Here's the lowdown on most introverts.  Depending on the level of hesitation to be in social situations we can all be social for spurts of time but it drains us.  And because of that drain we need to retreat and recharge in order to go out and do it again.  I retreat on weekends; I don't like to answer my phone, I don't even like to be on Facebook or email much, I find it hard to agree to getting together with friends, even grocery shopping is hard because it forces me to interact some.  Some weekends I am more active than others, it really depends on how drained I feel from the work week of interacting with so many people.  Some people at my workplace will go to be with Jesus thinking I'm an extrovert.  That's okay. It means I am doing my job to make them feel comfortable and welcome. 

Let's talk a bit more about the laughing I am doing in the picture of myself.  That picture was taken in the middle of January 2010.  See me laughing?  I look like I'm in a good place emotionally right?  That's what one would think, that's what I would think if I didn't know me.  Guess what?  That was about the same time that I started crying, without explanation, and couldn't stop no matter what I did.  About a month after that picture was taken a couple of my Pastors, my husband, and myself all came to the conclusion that I had entered into a deep depression.  HUH.  Beth, are you sure?  'Cause that picture tells a different story.  Yep, I know.  Starting to see my point about people and their stories?  :)  That was the last picture of me laughing for a long, long time.  I'm glad to have the picture because it gives me a snapshot of hope, it tells me that I can and will exit this deep depression.  For the most part, by the way, I'm better.  I laugh again, I'm living again, I'm interacting with life once again.  But I walked through a season, a deep dark season in which I could do nothing but lay on my couch and cry and watch TV.  I had no interest in participating in life.  It was all I could do to get up each day and get my girls to school.  But if all you ever saw of me was that picture you never would believe that would you?  Could it be that behind the smiles (or frowns) of people are stories untold? 

I think that's probably enough about my story to convince you that what we see on the outside of people, what we assume by what we hear from them or others, isn't the full story and might not even contain any truth about who that person is!  We are so quick to assume, judge, deny, and ignore a person because of what we observe on the surface.  We do it with friends, with co-workers, with people at our churches, with family members.  There is a principle I have been slowly (I mean so slowly I feel like a turtle for heavens sake!  Thank goodness for God's patience with me!) learning and assimilating into my life.  It goes like this, "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."  We are quick to judge because we don't want to take the time to find out the real story. 

Remember the drug addict from up above?  What's his story?  What did you assume his story is?  Have you changed your mind after reading about my story?  Could it be that he has deep hurts that he doesn't know how to numb except through drugs?  Yes, it could be.  Most addicts are simply using the thing they are addicted to as a cover up for deep wounds and hurts.  If only we would take the time to listen to their heart cries instead of judge them for their surface actions.  But we judge by the surface and in doing so become hypocritical because we are the same as them, just using a different method to numb.  We lose our compassion when we don't take the time to wonder why and simply assume.  Assuming leads to judgement. 

I've walked through a lot of judgement from people in the past year.  My depression led me, as I said, to withdraw from life.  That included church.  I couldn't deal with all the people!  Too many people, it led me to several panic attacks.  So the longer I have been away from church the more I have been judged by some Pastors at our church and by a lot of members.  I don't even care because I know what I know about me.  And the people that need to know about me know and that's all that matters. But I find it funny when I do walk into church, the people who have judged me behave one of two ways.  Either I get a weird look and then a refusal to acknowledge my existence or I get an overly enthusiastic response like I am back from the pit of hell!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Praise God I can laugh about it.  That would have bothered me a year ago but I've learned a lot in the past year and now I just laugh and think to myself, "Someday they will get it.  Someday they will find themselves in some sort of similar position and they will get it."  And if they don't?  I'm not worried about it, they don't have to answer to me but to God.  :)  There's freedom in that also!  See the people judging me have assumed.  They haven't bothered to wonder why because that takes a commitment to enter into someones story, even for a brief time.  Those who have taken the time to come to me one-on-one and ask why have listened and then lent a hand, a shoulder, a ear, their hearts.  They committed themselves to my story.  And that has made a world of difference. 


We can make a difference in the lives of people when we choose to quit assuming and pick up some compassion and see beyond the surface to their real story.  It doesn't have to be a major commitment, it may just mean for 5 minutes we set aside assumptions and listen to what they have to say.  We will walk away with compassion instead of judgement and they will walk away feeling valued because someone chose to listen instead of lecture. 

The question for you and for me is, am I willing to hear the stories of people even when their stories may make me uncomfortable?  Am I willing to set aside my assumptions, which make me feel safe and better about myself, in order to find compassion for someone?

Everyone has a story to tell. Listen to others and let others listen to you.