FREE(dom) Permission Slips!

I, Beth Peninger, hereby do give you, ________________________, permission to say "no" to an invite, a request, a task, etc when the only reason you are going to say "yes" is out of forced duty, obligation, desire not to hurt feelings, etc.  Be free!  You are free to say "no"! 

_________________________________

Recently I've run into this statement, in varying forms:
"Well, I couldn't figure out how to say no without hurting their feelings." 

UM.  Let's talk shall we? 

There's lots of ways to decline without hurting feelings.  How about any one of these:

"No thanks, I've already got plans that night."  (Now.  Don't lie, so only say this if you do have plans!  If you don't have plans try one of the others so you aren't then caught lying as well.)

"No thanks but I appreciate you thinking of me!  I hope you have a good time."

"No thanks."  (Yeah, that's it, just a simple decline without explanation/justification.  Oh, that's so radical I know!)

There are other ways to nicely decline - those are just my favorite top 3. 

We've got a problem here in the good ole U.S. of A.  We think we have to have a reason why we are saying "no" and it has to be a good reason, or a good justification, or else we must go/participate/etc.  I'm about to break free your chains of bondage concerning this topic.  Are you ready for freedom?  Prepare yourself...

You don't have to give a reason, you don't have to give an excuse, you don't have to justify, you don't even have to feel bad...you are free to say "no"! 

Isn't that wild?!? 

You really can say no, nicely, and move along!  And the other person will appreciate you offering your decline without the awkward excuse or justification.  Right?  Think about a time that you issued an invite and when the person declined it felt awkward and "off".  Guess why?  'Cause they weren't being honest in their decline!  The dots are connecting aren't they?  *wink*

But, but, but Beth!  This goes against everything I've ever experienced or how I was raised!  Isn't it the polite and courteous thing, the right thing, to accept if the only reason I would say no is because I just don't want to?  UM....no.  It isn't always the "right" thing to do, accept the invite.  It isn't and who ever said it was?  See, this has been bugging me.  Who is the person who first made it seem as if the "right" thing to do was say yes when really people want to say no?  You know what that is?  People pleasing.  Oh yes, I went THERE.  And that's a whole other blog but when we say yes because we can't find a way to say no all we are doing is people pleasing.  ICK. 

So print off the above permission slip, free of charge!  Fill your name in and carry it around with you to remind yourself that you are allowed to say no and you can be nice when you do it. 

FREEDOM!  Don't you love the feel of it?!