Stories

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered about their story?


Have you watched people tell their stories as they live their lives?


Do me a favor.  Take a minute to look at each person below.  Really look at them.  Some of them you will recognize, some of them you won't. 

Be honest: 
As you looked at each person did you assume their story? 
Did the way they look create a story in your mind? 
Or perhaps you recognized them and because of what you have heard through media sources you think you know their story.  Do you think you know the full story? 
Take for example picture 2, the drug addict.  What was your first thoughts about his story as you looked at his picture? 

We may not agree or like the story people tell through their lives but we all are storytellers. 


What's this all about you may wonder.  Where's Beth going THIS time?  :) 


When was the last time you made eye contact with a homeless person?  A cashier?  The janitor at your workplace or school?  Someone who is disabled?  A person with a deformity?  A person you pass on the street?  Someone you don't like?  Someone you know doesn't like you? 


I've noticed that the way people live their lives and tell their stories can make us really uncomfortable, so much so that we choose to pretend they don't exist, so much so that we won't make eye contact with them.  We choose to forget that they have a story.  I'm thinking about homeless people as I type this.  Have you EVER wondered why someone is homeless or have you assumed why they are?  There's a difference.  Wondering why will lead you down roads of compassion, assuming why leads you down one road - judgement.

Here's one more picture.  I'm thinking all of you will recognize this person. :)  

So let me ask the questions I did above with people you didn't know but now they point toward someone you do know on some level. 

Be honest because I don't want or need to hear the answers!  :)

As you looked at me did you assume my story?

Does the way I look create a story in your mind?
Or perhaps because you know me on some level you think you know my story. Do you think you know the full story?
What was your first thought about my story as you looked at my picture?

Seriously Beth.  What's up? 

Here's my point.  We all have a story we are telling.  And we all assume we know the story others are telling based on the way they look, or sound, or portray themselves to the world around them.  But I think most of our assumptions are wrong.  I'm willing to bet that even the story you think I am telling isn't correct on several levels.  And I'm about to prove that to you!  Yep, I'm about to reveal a little more of my story so that we can all understand that people aren't who they are just by public appearances alone.  :)  Most people are able to put on a public face and persona for a time and by that we assume we know their story.  Need I point out what assuming does?  :) 

Just who is Beth anyway?

What you see, experience, and hear from me is only part of who I am.  Are they true parts of me?  Yes.  Are they all of me?  No. 

Most of you see me as the person in the picture above.  Laughing, seemingly outgoing, sociable.  Want to know the truth?  I make myself be that because the reality is I am an introvert.  No. No arguing and telling me I'm not because I know who I am!  Remember, you are basing what you think you know about me based on your interactions with me.  Think about our interactions.  Have they been in social situations?  :)  Then you have perceived me as an extrovert because I can be one, albeit for a short time, when necessary.  People at my workplace think I am an extrovert because of how I present myself.  I actually had one person argue with me that I was not an introvert and they told me I didn't know myself!  Um.  I do know myself.  I am an introvert.  Ask my husband and ask my counselor! :)  Here's the lowdown on most introverts.  Depending on the level of hesitation to be in social situations we can all be social for spurts of time but it drains us.  And because of that drain we need to retreat and recharge in order to go out and do it again.  I retreat on weekends; I don't like to answer my phone, I don't even like to be on Facebook or email much, I find it hard to agree to getting together with friends, even grocery shopping is hard because it forces me to interact some.  Some weekends I am more active than others, it really depends on how drained I feel from the work week of interacting with so many people.  Some people at my workplace will go to be with Jesus thinking I'm an extrovert.  That's okay. It means I am doing my job to make them feel comfortable and welcome. 

Let's talk a bit more about the laughing I am doing in the picture of myself.  That picture was taken in the middle of January 2010.  See me laughing?  I look like I'm in a good place emotionally right?  That's what one would think, that's what I would think if I didn't know me.  Guess what?  That was about the same time that I started crying, without explanation, and couldn't stop no matter what I did.  About a month after that picture was taken a couple of my Pastors, my husband, and myself all came to the conclusion that I had entered into a deep depression.  HUH.  Beth, are you sure?  'Cause that picture tells a different story.  Yep, I know.  Starting to see my point about people and their stories?  :)  That was the last picture of me laughing for a long, long time.  I'm glad to have the picture because it gives me a snapshot of hope, it tells me that I can and will exit this deep depression.  For the most part, by the way, I'm better.  I laugh again, I'm living again, I'm interacting with life once again.  But I walked through a season, a deep dark season in which I could do nothing but lay on my couch and cry and watch TV.  I had no interest in participating in life.  It was all I could do to get up each day and get my girls to school.  But if all you ever saw of me was that picture you never would believe that would you?  Could it be that behind the smiles (or frowns) of people are stories untold? 

I think that's probably enough about my story to convince you that what we see on the outside of people, what we assume by what we hear from them or others, isn't the full story and might not even contain any truth about who that person is!  We are so quick to assume, judge, deny, and ignore a person because of what we observe on the surface.  We do it with friends, with co-workers, with people at our churches, with family members.  There is a principle I have been slowly (I mean so slowly I feel like a turtle for heavens sake!  Thank goodness for God's patience with me!) learning and assimilating into my life.  It goes like this, "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."  We are quick to judge because we don't want to take the time to find out the real story. 

Remember the drug addict from up above?  What's his story?  What did you assume his story is?  Have you changed your mind after reading about my story?  Could it be that he has deep hurts that he doesn't know how to numb except through drugs?  Yes, it could be.  Most addicts are simply using the thing they are addicted to as a cover up for deep wounds and hurts.  If only we would take the time to listen to their heart cries instead of judge them for their surface actions.  But we judge by the surface and in doing so become hypocritical because we are the same as them, just using a different method to numb.  We lose our compassion when we don't take the time to wonder why and simply assume.  Assuming leads to judgement. 

I've walked through a lot of judgement from people in the past year.  My depression led me, as I said, to withdraw from life.  That included church.  I couldn't deal with all the people!  Too many people, it led me to several panic attacks.  So the longer I have been away from church the more I have been judged by some Pastors at our church and by a lot of members.  I don't even care because I know what I know about me.  And the people that need to know about me know and that's all that matters. But I find it funny when I do walk into church, the people who have judged me behave one of two ways.  Either I get a weird look and then a refusal to acknowledge my existence or I get an overly enthusiastic response like I am back from the pit of hell!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Praise God I can laugh about it.  That would have bothered me a year ago but I've learned a lot in the past year and now I just laugh and think to myself, "Someday they will get it.  Someday they will find themselves in some sort of similar position and they will get it."  And if they don't?  I'm not worried about it, they don't have to answer to me but to God.  :)  There's freedom in that also!  See the people judging me have assumed.  They haven't bothered to wonder why because that takes a commitment to enter into someones story, even for a brief time.  Those who have taken the time to come to me one-on-one and ask why have listened and then lent a hand, a shoulder, a ear, their hearts.  They committed themselves to my story.  And that has made a world of difference. 


We can make a difference in the lives of people when we choose to quit assuming and pick up some compassion and see beyond the surface to their real story.  It doesn't have to be a major commitment, it may just mean for 5 minutes we set aside assumptions and listen to what they have to say.  We will walk away with compassion instead of judgement and they will walk away feeling valued because someone chose to listen instead of lecture. 

The question for you and for me is, am I willing to hear the stories of people even when their stories may make me uncomfortable?  Am I willing to set aside my assumptions, which make me feel safe and better about myself, in order to find compassion for someone?

Everyone has a story to tell. Listen to others and let others listen to you.