Reflections On Marriage From The ICU

Have you ever had one of those days or moments when what lies before you forces you to stop and consider the width and depth of your character?  Of promises you have made to others?  Of what or Who keeps you grounded? 

My most recent moment of consideration happened on Wednesday, March 30 at about 5 am.  Most of you know the story, some of you don't and for that I apologize.  When life alters so quickly you tend to forget all the people who would probably want to know and try to remember who really needs to know! 

My consideration that came this time was that of my marriage.  My hub of 15 1/2 years (yay for Lanny for putting up with me for that long!) called out to me in the strongest voice he could and his message was, "I'm not going to make it, call 911."  This is the man that I usually can't get to go get a haircut much less get to a Doctor so I knew it was serious.  He was scared so I stayed calm and dialed 911.  Less than an hour later he was in the ER courtesy of an ambulance ride - his second in our marriage I might add - and Doc's were busy trying to figure out what was wrong with my man.  To say that he was sick is a gross understatement.  He was more than sick but I was at peace.  I can't explain that outside of Jesus being my sure foundation.  After a couple of hours they decided the better place for him was ICU (or CCU, same thing!).  So we moved there.  And that is where I would spend the next several days staring at my hub fighting for his life and considering what marriage vows really meant.  If you don't know the full story and really want to know then contact me and I'll share it with you. 

I don't know how old you were when you got married but I was a young thing. I was a month into my 21st year of life and Lanny was 2 months shy of 33 years old.  And can I just be honest about being that young and getting married?  Everyone I know that gets married at that age does it more with sex on the brain than the realities of marriage.  C'mon, let's be real.  Very few actually do it with reality in mind.  The Pastor is asking them to repeat their vows and they are, all the while thinking about having sex that night "legally" in the sight of God, if they are believers.  I remember saying our vows and the only ones I remember clearly are, "for richer or poorer", Lanny and I both actually snickered when those had to be repeated because we knew it would always be "for poorer" and so far that has been true.  :)  Anyway.  Hardly anyone really considers the wedding vows they make but once the sex calms down and the newness of it wears away and reality makes its presence known then marriage isn't all that and a bag of chips like anyone thinks on their wedding day.  Hey, I love marriage but there's a reality to it.  And apparently one of my purposes is to make sure the realities of life get highlighted and not neglected.  :) 

When we got married we said the traditional vows:
I, Beth, take you, Lanny to be my wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part. 
Ha!  I was a month into my 21st year of life, moving from a bedroom in my parents home to a townhouse with a "boy".  I had no idea the reality of those vows!  But I was going to learn. 

Until March 30 I didn't even realize that I never think about those vows.  I don't "bring" them with me into every day and some of them I'm not very good at.  Life goes on and in the day-to-day I lose those vows.  Oh I still live by them but I never actually consider them.  Simple words that hold deeply sacred meaning.  Of course, on March 30, the part of the wedding vows that I focused in on were the sickness and health ones.  I remember that I actually thought to myself, "Well here we are at the sickness, the rubber meets the road here at this moment" and I was really good with it.  Ironically the sickness was going to further the poorer part of the vows as well and yet I was really good.  Lanny?  Oh he was sedated, he was fine with it all!  HA!  So I sat in ICU and looked at my hub breathing with the help of a ventilator and sedated so that he was "this" much aware but not really and I thought about the marriage vows.  In 15 1/2 years Lanny and I have experienced enough that we have covered, more than once, each vow.  Better?  Check.  Worse?  Check.  Richer?  Well compared to what? :)  Poorer?  CHECK.  Sickness? Check.  Health?  Check.  Love?  Check.  Cherish?  Here's where I fail and Lanny excels so check for him, epic fail for me.  Just being real.  (This is where a lot of you breathe a sigh of relief and think to yourselves, "Oh good, she DOES know...")  But experiencing each of the vows has done something.  I sat there and realized that Lanny and I?  Our marriage?  It is...well, it is STRONG and SOLID.  Sure, I'm not the greatest wife.  I've already confessed to the lack of cherishing like I should and I might as well let you know that I'm a major reason for the poorer status of our marriage.  Lanny can often be heard saying, "God bless your generous heart Beth..." as he attempts to squeeze blood out of the turnip named Peninger finances.  :)  But back to strong and solid because I'd really like to swing focus back to that.  :)  We really are strong and solid.  That doesn't mean we are perfect.  It doesn't mean we don't bicker.  It doesn't mean that we don't, at times, irritate the heck out of each other.  It doesn't mean that at times we haven't silently questioned what in the heck were we thinking when we agreed to marry?  But overall health of our marriage?  Strong and solid.  Imagine, I thought, what our marriage would be like if I intentionally thought about our vows every day?  What if I brought them into the day-to-day?  How would that change our marriage for the even better?  Considerations like these are the reason why marriage is a marathon not a sprint.  15 years and I'm JUST now thinking about it?  This is marathon stuff. 

I know my hub.  And I know his thoughts and his process and even his faith when things like this happen, especially to our family.  So I prepared.  I called one of his best friends in to pray some specific things, I shared with a select few what I knew Lanny would say and do and requested prayer.  I got ready for when he woke up from sedation and was fully aware of the magnitude of this event.  An oft quoted and used scripture from Ecclesiastes for marriage and relationships comes from chapter 4, "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  Lanny had fallen down, I was - I am - the one God has provided to help him up.  I've seen this in our marriage over and over again.  When one has fallen down (spiritual, emotional, physical, ect) the other always has this inner strength and is more than able to help the fallen one get back up on their feet.  Very rarely have we fallen down at the same time, if we ever have.  It makes me think of a three-legged race.  Remember those?  If one person allows their head to get ahead of the rhythm of the race both fall.  But if both of them can keep their head in the game when one stumbles a bit (because even with our head in the game we can take little stumbles when obstacles appear that we didn't anticipate) the other can get them back on track and they continue to race.  A test in any marriage is this:  will you help your fallen spouse up?  Not can you but will you?  There's a difference between the two.  One is ability and one is desire.  It's great when those two meet up, some powerful things can happen.  But when someone denies their ability to assist their spouse in whatever way they have fallen because they don't have a desire to see their spouse get up then there is a problem.  A big one.  What if Lanny and I had argued, horribly, right before this happened?  A test of my character and commitment to him would be can I put that aside and love my hub and help him or am I going to hold a grudge and "punish" him for our argument?  We didn't argue prior to his "fall" but I had to consider what if we had?  What would my response then have been?  Would it have changed from how I did respond?  The answer, btw, is no.  I would've responded exactly how I did because I, regardless of arguments etc, have a desire and ability to be a helpmate to my hub and those two things I chose to override flesh responses.  Lanny laying in an ICU bed and the days following when he was awake and was responding as I knew he would was a visual of Ecclesiastes in our marriage.  I came alongside and prayed for him and wiped his tears and smoothed his brow and spoke words of assurance.  None of it was forced or fake btw, I genuinely meant and felt it all.  God had given me that peace that passes all human understanding and comprehension.  He promises to do that for us and he did it for me so that I could help my hub to get back up on his feet in figurative ways. 

We left the ICU with a stronger marriage I believe.  Stronger because I had a moment.  Stronger because God gave me opportunity to literally see and feel marriage vows and Ecclesiastes and the promises of peace from him.  Will I be "perfect"?  Nope.  I'll mess up, I probably already have, but I'm much more aware now and feeling much more intentional and that is always half the battle! 

Lanny and I are strong and solid.  How much more so will we be when I chose to bring our vows into the day-to-day in intentional ways?  Stay tuned!  :) 

Sips & Nibbles

I heard this past year that your taste buds change every seven years.  I found that fascinating.  The other day I tried to verify that information via Google and millions of hits on the words "taste", "buds", and "tongues".  Unfortunately I couldn't verify the info as each website gave either a true or a false to that fact.  But I do think our taste buds must go through some sort of change, phases or seasons if you will.  I've noticed that as I have aged my tastes have changed, matured, or altered. 

When I was a young'n my Grandpa would let me have a little bit of coffee with a good amount of cream and sugar (which probably explains why I have to have some cream and sugar when I drink coffee now).  He would wink at me and tell me that coffee would stunt my growth.  Ha!  As I got older as we saw that I was height challenged he would then say that it would grow hair on my chest.  He also said something else completely inappropriate so I won't repeat that!  :)  My coffee flavored cream & sugar drinking ended when we moved to a different state and I didn't pick coffee back up until I had graduated from High School and was working in a real job.  Somehow I got in the habit at stopping at my local 7-11 every morning and buying a large flavored coffee.  And I got hooked.  This was at the time that Starbucks hadn't hit my city yet (at least not that I know of) but coffee that you didn't make yourself was becoming the fad.  It was the beginning of the end for Folger's etc.  As suddenly as I started drinking coffee again I stopped.  It wasn't that important to me.  I wasn't drinking it for the caffeine but for the flavor.  I really genuinely love the taste of coffee.  After having our first child a coffee shop opened up rather close to me and a friend and I tried it out.  I haven't been back to 7-11 since. :)  Since 1998 I've been sipping coffee from coffee houses and my tastes in coffee have "matured".  Okay fine.  I've actually become a bit of a coffee "snob".  I won't, I can't drink stuff from a can.  Like ever.  (Okay, fine I will but talk about a little coffee with a bunch of cream and sugar!)

My whole life the thought and smell and look of blue cheese made me gag.  There's a Friends episode where Ross eats something Rachel made and makes the proclamation, "It tastes like feet!"  That's how I always felt about blue cheese.  And then I turned 36.  Suddenly, quite literally out of the blue, I CRAVED blue cheese.  I figured I knew what it tasted like based on what it smelled like and I was so hungry for that taste to hit my tongue that I drove to the store and bought some Blue Cheese dressing for salad.  Now?  I can't get enough of the stuff and the stronger the blue cheese the better!  I even started collecting recipes that use blue cheese.  I mean I can't get enough of it! 

When I first married I "cooked" for my husband.  Hamburger Helper, Little Juan Burritos, Spaghetti, and a few recipes I was brave enough to try.  Oh and we had lots of Velveeta Mac-n-Cheese, we LOVED that stuff (okay, confession...sometimes I still CRAVE the creaminess of Velveeta.  It's wrong that Velveeta is so good in all of its processed ways!).  I don't know when or how but I slowly phased out the Hamburger Helper and Little Juan Burritos and started opening up my cookbook more.  And I started to feel a little braver about flavors and spices and cooking methods.  At some point I "risked" using real garlic instead of garlic powder! :)  There was one recipe that called for Cumin and I couldn't pronounce it and I felt scared of it so I omitted it.  One day I felt brave and decided to give it a go.  OH MY GOODNESS.  Have you tried it?  You must!  It's a staple spice in my cooking now. 

The first sip of an alcoholic beverage I ever had was the foam of my Grandpa's beer.  Disgusting.  I was all of 5 or 6 and I'm sure it was some brand like Pabst or something that in the beer world is what something like Folger's is in the coffee world.  But it was gross and I never forgot it.  I had a few under the radar sips of alcohol while in Middle School but the next real sip of alcohol I had I was at a friend's house, whose name shall remain protected since I was - gasp - slightly underage.  It was a midori sour. A green apple jolly rancher in liquid form!  :)  Since then, and becoming officially of age, I have drank a little of this and a little of that and now in my 30's I think I've settled on the drinks I like and will spend the money on.  Never have taken to beer.  That Pabst, or whatever it was, foam must have ruined my taste buds for beer!  :) 

So do taste buds change every 7 years?  I don't know.  All I know is MY taste buds sure have made some changes over the years!  :)  My sips & nibbles have gone through a lot of phases and I bet they will go through a few more before all is said and done.  It's been said that as one ages the taste buds lose their ability to taste.  The last bud to go is the sweet one which would explain why most elderly people love their sweets, they can still taste them!  I sure do love sweet things but I really love savory so it will be a sad day indeed when those buds quit working. Until then I'll be cooking and baking and hopefully making the taste buds of the people I love really happy! 

Here's to sips & nibbles and being able to enjoy them because of taste buds!  Cheers! 

Dear Starbucks

Dear Starbucks,

It's not you, it's me.  You'll always be my favorite back up.  You know, when I'm desperate for good coffee and there is no other options outside of gas stations and grocery store coffee.  And you aren't bad, it's just, well, you're not my favorite anymore. 

It's really kind of your fault, if you want to know the truth.  You started this trend of good coffee being accessible to the masses.  Suddenly we didn't have to travel to Europe to have good coffee in a cool atmosphere.  You brought that here and put it on every street corner.  For that I am eternally grateful.  But by doing that you had to know that others would think, "Hey, I could do that.  I know about coffee and chairs and tables and soothing music and neutral colors."  You had to know it would happen.  So where Starbucks popped up so did local people opening up their own coffee houses.  At first it didn't work.  There was nobody who could compete with you.  But now?  Now is a different story.  Many compete with you. 

Like I said, it's not you, it's me. 

It started so innocently.  A friend made me go to a different coffee house.  At first I resisted but their coffee drew me in.  Their roast was different...and better.  I'm so sorry.  Then I branched out and decided to give true local a chance.  My local coffee houses have won me over with their roasts and their drinks and, well, they are cozy and you?  Not so much.  My local houses have also won me over with their wi-fi that I can access without having to be part of AT&T or whoever you have partnered with and made it so I can never be wi-fi in your stores.

You will always hold a place in my heart.  You introduced me to good coffee and the calm of a coffee house.  I love your mugs, in fact they are the only ones I will use.  But I drink different coffee out of them.  

Like I said, it's not you, it's me and you will always be my favorite back up...mostly because my coffee houses are, well, local and can't travel with me.  

Thank you for your service to my taste buds all these years, I think of you fondly. 

Sincerely, 

Me 

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 8)

Billy Graham said, "Most of us do not understand nuclear fission, but we accept it. I don't understand television, but I accept it. I don't understand radio, but every week my voice goes out around the world, and I accept it. Why is it so easy to accept all these man-made miracles and so difficult to accept the miracles of the Bible?"  I ditto this question!  :) 


Is it really bad of me that I took advantage of Lanny being in the hospital to get him a new phone, which he was way overdue for, even though he insisted he didn't need one?  :) He was literally tied to a hospital bed, there was nothing he could do to stop me!  Yeah.  That's probably bad...


Why would you not donate your organs, tissue and corneas?  What do you plan to do with them after you are gone?!?  donatelife.net

Is it sad that I break into a sweat while putting fresh pillowcases on my pillows? 

Is it sacrilege of me to not want to attend Easter services...at my church?  :) 

How many of us really know the true definitions of the words we use?  Especially the slang words? 

Do people make up urban legends and such because 1) they believe it would be more fun to live life according to that thing or 2) they wanted to see how far and long their April Fool's Day joke would go or 3) they wanted to know how gullible I was?!?  :) 

Again, I ask: why are calories SO incredibly easy to put in but SO incredibly difficult to work off?!? 

The Lighter Moments of ICU

*Lanny parenting from his ICU bed and intubated.  He "air wrote" reminders to the oldest redhead to do chores and asked about school. :)

*Summoning me over to his bedside and "demanding" kisses from me. :)

*Requesting removal of his mole since he was getting everything else done! 

*Vented and sedated but wanted to watch TV. 

*Watching his daughters cry and air writing "I am okay". 

*My new addiction to Tazo Lemon Ginger beverage.  :) OH MY GOSH, SO GOOD! 

*Blaming another patient's loud passing of gas on one of his best friend's. HA! 

*After being extubated Lanny had his eyes closed and was listening to some hair band from back in his day and keeping time with his foot and all with a slight smile on his face. 

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 7)

Is it really OCD of me to "insist" (or prefer!) on even numbered things?  (i.e. families with even numbers, etc) 


Which First Baptist Church was actually the first?


How did Crayola come up with the crayon color names? (um, click on those words you just read for a current list from Crayola)  By committee?  Did/does one person get that job?  I think I might like that job!  Coming up with crayon color names?  C'mon!  How fun would that be?!?  You get to color all day long!  :) 


How many more silly and sacred questions can I ask? :)


If you died today, are you confident of where you would spend eternity?  (I'm being serious.)  And outside of being confident of where you would end up, are you okay with that?  (Again, being serious.)


Okay.  I have to ask.  Forgive me for any offense.  What is up with the condom machine's in gas station restrooms?  I mean really.  REALLY? 


Do all the other First Baptist Churches have insecurity about not being first so they are pretending they are first?  (I can't seem to let go of the questions I have about First Baptist Churches!)

Is there really a need for roundabouts in the middle of nowhere Kansas?!?  

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 6)

Where does line between collecting and hoarding get drawn?  And is that line blurred?


Have I ever given God permission to offend MY doctrine?  My doctrine, I am confident, is so different than his and I want to walk and live in HIS doctrine!  So have I given him permission to offend mine so that I can get to his?


Why does my brain think one word and my fingers type a totally different one? 


Is it possible to glean anything from someone that I disagree with the majority of the time?  (i.e. can I glean 1% percent from someone I disagree with 99%?)


At what age does someone begin to feel like a real adult?  Because I'm 36.5 years old and I still don't feel like a real adult!  (I know.  That totally sets me up for comments about how I act but whatever!)


How different would things in my life be if I let fear motivate me instead of stop me? 


If we traveled like the Jetson's would there be traffic issues in the sky?


What am I willing to "pay" to become the person I know I was created to be? 


Why does "white noise" work? How does it work?



Have you ever watched a Peep blow up in the microwave?  SO COOL.  :)

On March 16, 2011 I became a heretic. Who knew?!? :)

March 16, 2011 turned out to be an "interesting" day in the life of me.  By days end I was a heretic.  Man, I never thought I reach that level of insult in my Christian life.  Awesome.  OR NOT. 

I've thought of all sorts of clever Facebook status' to announce my newly declared position.  I called my husband and told him I hoped he didn't mind being married to a heretic.  I told my prayer team that they were friends with a heretic.  None of them seemed to mind.  Hmmm.  Maybe that means they are heretics also since they associate with me!  :)

First of all, just so we are all on the same page. 
A heretic, as defined by Webster's Dictionary, is:
1: a dissenter from established religious dogma; especially : a baptized member of the Roman Catholic Church who disavows a revealed truth
2: one who dissents from an accepted belief or doctrine : nonconformist
Heretic comes from heresy, of course.  Here's that definition:
1a : adherence to a religious opinion contrary to church dogma b : denial of a revealed truth by a baptized member of the Roman Catholic Church c : an opinion or doctrine contrary to church dogma

2a : dissent or deviation from a dominant theory, opinion, or practice b : an opinion, doctrine, or practice contrary to the truth or to generally accepted beliefs or standards
These definitions make me curious about the definition of dogma.  Here's that one:
1a : something held as an established opinion; especially : a definite authoritative tenet b : a code of such tenets c : a point of view or tenet put forth as authoritative without adequate grounds

2: a doctrine or body of doctrines concerning faith or morals formally stated and authoritatively proclaimed by a church



Huh.  Well after reading those definitions maybe I AM a heretic!  But maybe I am in the best way possible!  SAY WHAT BETH?!?  Yep.  That's what I said. Maybe I should go back to those that called me a heretic, among other uncalled for and nasty names, and thank them for the compliment.  How crazy would that be?!? 

So I read those definitions and now I'm thinking.  I mean I am really chewing.  The Church has an interesting history.  We certainly didn't shine in the Dark Ages when I believe some true God-loving and God-fearing people were killed for being dissenters of Church doctrine.  And the Dark Ages haven't been our only dark moments.  Just last week when I was being called a heretic I almost thought those involved in the conversation were constructing a stake with which to tie me to.  And no.  I'm not really exaggerating all that much.  They were THAT vicious toward me.  So I think, I wonder if I had lived in the Dark Ages would I have been burned at the stake for my "dissenting" beliefs?  Hmmm. 

I know.  You are thinking, "Beth, what in the world?  What could you possibly believe that would prompt this?"  Okay. I'll tell you.  Are you ready?  Get the ropes, stake, and matches out.  Heck, while you're at it throw in all the ingredients for s'mores. I might be able to get one in before I go completely up in flames. :)

Here goes nothing...
I am inspired by Mother Theresa AND I have grown spiritually from a couple of Rob Bell's Nooma videos AND I suggested to some people that before they pass judgement on teachers of God's Word that they first do the biblical thing and be a "Berean" (i.e. they do their own research and homework on the person and make sure all claims they are hearing second and third hand are true and not false or embellished). 

GASP. 

Tie me on and light the match, let's get this stake burning going! 

I know.  Sounds like I'm exaggerating right?  Guess what? I'm NOT.  Those reasons are truly why the stake was being prepared. 

I need to return to the definitions above.  They make me think of something a bestie of mine and I have been throwing around lately. "God, I give you permission to offend MY doctrine for YOURS."  See, God's doctrine is 100% accurate.  Mine, yours, theirs is not.  It's not!  And so according to the definitions above I just might be a heretic because I don't, I can't adhere to "dominant theory, opinion, or practice" or "generally accepted beliefs or standards" and I don't see where God is asking me to conform (in one of the definitions above it mentions that a heretic is a nonconformist), in fact I see quite the opposite - he asks us to be nonconformists!  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:2)

Here's my take on this.  And mind you, I haven't worked this all out prior to typing these words.  I'm working it out RIGHT NOW, while typing.  This is hot off the press, fresh off my brain stuff going on.  So here's my take.  Just because it is generally accepted doesn't mean it is right and/or biblical!  But the Church has made some generally accepted things as good as Gospel when it fact they are not.  Just because some belief is a dominant one doesn't mean it is right and/or biblical!  But the Church has made it seem so. And if someone dares to question the generally accepted or dominant belief then light the match.  

REALLY?!?  

Are we that judgemental?  Are we that tied to our own doctrine?  Are we that sure of our accuracy?  Are we that threatened by someone who voices a different perspective?  Voices a doubt?  Voices a question?

REALLY?!? 
(You'll note that I can't help but ask that several times because I'm dumbfounded, just absolutely dumbfounded at the behavior of the Body of Christ and how they - on the whole - are choosing to represent Christ.  No wonder people are plugging their ears and walking the other way.  Were I not a believer in Jesus Christ already I'd be walking the other way as well.  Hey, I'm just being real and honest here.) 

Apparently "we" are all that and more.  Darn it. 
See, I've been "working" hard at not being like that and more. But unfortunately the yahoo's that act that way are a lot louder than those of us who choose to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. (Yes I just name called by calling them yahoo's.  I have other names I could use but I'm choosing to be the better person here. Cut me some slack!  Yahoo's is actually pretty nice of me.  Again, real and honest.) 

Above I made the suggestion that maybe I am a heretic in the best way possible.  Based on the definitions given I would say that the best way possible would mean that I don't blindly accept "generally accepted ideas or practices" and I don't blindly follow the "dominant opinions and theories" but I do what God asks me to do and I study his Word and his doctrine for myself!  According to the definitions and to the people who called me a heretic by being a "Berean" I am, in fact, a heretic!  So I'm choosing to say that I am a heretic in the best way possible because I'm choosing God over man, over myself!  I'm saying to God that I'm willing to have him expose my wrong thinking, my judgemental thinking, my unbiblical patterns and whatever else he needs to rid me of for the sake of his doctrine.  Because when it comes right down to it my heart really does want God's doctrine over my own or someone else's.

Maybe I'm delusional for choosing to "embrace" (okay I'm not really there yet - face it, the word or rather label 'heretic' stings a bit.  Not to mention the other names I was called.) the label "heretic". Maybe I'm choosing to read into it to ease my hurt heart.  Maybe I'm in denial about the definitions and don't want to see it for what it really is. 

Or maybe, just maybe, I'm on to something. 

Maybe, just maybe, I'm not the only heretic in my circles of influence.  Maybe this will start a revolution of heretics.  People willing to say to God, "God, I give you permission to offend MY doctrine for YOURS."  Maybe those kind of people are heretics in the best way possible. 

Maybe heretics won't be a dirty Christian word and insult anymore.  Maybe it can become a compliment.

Maybe. 

All I know is on March 16, 2011 I became a heretic.  And who knows?  Well God.  He knows! Awesome?  Maybe!

Stories

Have you ever looked at someone and wondered about their story?


Have you watched people tell their stories as they live their lives?


Do me a favor.  Take a minute to look at each person below.  Really look at them.  Some of them you will recognize, some of them you won't. 

Be honest: 
As you looked at each person did you assume their story? 
Did the way they look create a story in your mind? 
Or perhaps you recognized them and because of what you have heard through media sources you think you know their story.  Do you think you know the full story? 
Take for example picture 2, the drug addict.  What was your first thoughts about his story as you looked at his picture? 

We may not agree or like the story people tell through their lives but we all are storytellers. 


What's this all about you may wonder.  Where's Beth going THIS time?  :) 


When was the last time you made eye contact with a homeless person?  A cashier?  The janitor at your workplace or school?  Someone who is disabled?  A person with a deformity?  A person you pass on the street?  Someone you don't like?  Someone you know doesn't like you? 


I've noticed that the way people live their lives and tell their stories can make us really uncomfortable, so much so that we choose to pretend they don't exist, so much so that we won't make eye contact with them.  We choose to forget that they have a story.  I'm thinking about homeless people as I type this.  Have you EVER wondered why someone is homeless or have you assumed why they are?  There's a difference.  Wondering why will lead you down roads of compassion, assuming why leads you down one road - judgement.

Here's one more picture.  I'm thinking all of you will recognize this person. :)  

So let me ask the questions I did above with people you didn't know but now they point toward someone you do know on some level. 

Be honest because I don't want or need to hear the answers!  :)

As you looked at me did you assume my story?

Does the way I look create a story in your mind?
Or perhaps because you know me on some level you think you know my story. Do you think you know the full story?
What was your first thought about my story as you looked at my picture?

Seriously Beth.  What's up? 

Here's my point.  We all have a story we are telling.  And we all assume we know the story others are telling based on the way they look, or sound, or portray themselves to the world around them.  But I think most of our assumptions are wrong.  I'm willing to bet that even the story you think I am telling isn't correct on several levels.  And I'm about to prove that to you!  Yep, I'm about to reveal a little more of my story so that we can all understand that people aren't who they are just by public appearances alone.  :)  Most people are able to put on a public face and persona for a time and by that we assume we know their story.  Need I point out what assuming does?  :) 

Just who is Beth anyway?

What you see, experience, and hear from me is only part of who I am.  Are they true parts of me?  Yes.  Are they all of me?  No. 

Most of you see me as the person in the picture above.  Laughing, seemingly outgoing, sociable.  Want to know the truth?  I make myself be that because the reality is I am an introvert.  No. No arguing and telling me I'm not because I know who I am!  Remember, you are basing what you think you know about me based on your interactions with me.  Think about our interactions.  Have they been in social situations?  :)  Then you have perceived me as an extrovert because I can be one, albeit for a short time, when necessary.  People at my workplace think I am an extrovert because of how I present myself.  I actually had one person argue with me that I was not an introvert and they told me I didn't know myself!  Um.  I do know myself.  I am an introvert.  Ask my husband and ask my counselor! :)  Here's the lowdown on most introverts.  Depending on the level of hesitation to be in social situations we can all be social for spurts of time but it drains us.  And because of that drain we need to retreat and recharge in order to go out and do it again.  I retreat on weekends; I don't like to answer my phone, I don't even like to be on Facebook or email much, I find it hard to agree to getting together with friends, even grocery shopping is hard because it forces me to interact some.  Some weekends I am more active than others, it really depends on how drained I feel from the work week of interacting with so many people.  Some people at my workplace will go to be with Jesus thinking I'm an extrovert.  That's okay. It means I am doing my job to make them feel comfortable and welcome. 

Let's talk a bit more about the laughing I am doing in the picture of myself.  That picture was taken in the middle of January 2010.  See me laughing?  I look like I'm in a good place emotionally right?  That's what one would think, that's what I would think if I didn't know me.  Guess what?  That was about the same time that I started crying, without explanation, and couldn't stop no matter what I did.  About a month after that picture was taken a couple of my Pastors, my husband, and myself all came to the conclusion that I had entered into a deep depression.  HUH.  Beth, are you sure?  'Cause that picture tells a different story.  Yep, I know.  Starting to see my point about people and their stories?  :)  That was the last picture of me laughing for a long, long time.  I'm glad to have the picture because it gives me a snapshot of hope, it tells me that I can and will exit this deep depression.  For the most part, by the way, I'm better.  I laugh again, I'm living again, I'm interacting with life once again.  But I walked through a season, a deep dark season in which I could do nothing but lay on my couch and cry and watch TV.  I had no interest in participating in life.  It was all I could do to get up each day and get my girls to school.  But if all you ever saw of me was that picture you never would believe that would you?  Could it be that behind the smiles (or frowns) of people are stories untold? 

I think that's probably enough about my story to convince you that what we see on the outside of people, what we assume by what we hear from them or others, isn't the full story and might not even contain any truth about who that person is!  We are so quick to assume, judge, deny, and ignore a person because of what we observe on the surface.  We do it with friends, with co-workers, with people at our churches, with family members.  There is a principle I have been slowly (I mean so slowly I feel like a turtle for heavens sake!  Thank goodness for God's patience with me!) learning and assimilating into my life.  It goes like this, "Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."  We are quick to judge because we don't want to take the time to find out the real story. 

Remember the drug addict from up above?  What's his story?  What did you assume his story is?  Have you changed your mind after reading about my story?  Could it be that he has deep hurts that he doesn't know how to numb except through drugs?  Yes, it could be.  Most addicts are simply using the thing they are addicted to as a cover up for deep wounds and hurts.  If only we would take the time to listen to their heart cries instead of judge them for their surface actions.  But we judge by the surface and in doing so become hypocritical because we are the same as them, just using a different method to numb.  We lose our compassion when we don't take the time to wonder why and simply assume.  Assuming leads to judgement. 

I've walked through a lot of judgement from people in the past year.  My depression led me, as I said, to withdraw from life.  That included church.  I couldn't deal with all the people!  Too many people, it led me to several panic attacks.  So the longer I have been away from church the more I have been judged by some Pastors at our church and by a lot of members.  I don't even care because I know what I know about me.  And the people that need to know about me know and that's all that matters. But I find it funny when I do walk into church, the people who have judged me behave one of two ways.  Either I get a weird look and then a refusal to acknowledge my existence or I get an overly enthusiastic response like I am back from the pit of hell!  AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Praise God I can laugh about it.  That would have bothered me a year ago but I've learned a lot in the past year and now I just laugh and think to myself, "Someday they will get it.  Someday they will find themselves in some sort of similar position and they will get it."  And if they don't?  I'm not worried about it, they don't have to answer to me but to God.  :)  There's freedom in that also!  See the people judging me have assumed.  They haven't bothered to wonder why because that takes a commitment to enter into someones story, even for a brief time.  Those who have taken the time to come to me one-on-one and ask why have listened and then lent a hand, a shoulder, a ear, their hearts.  They committed themselves to my story.  And that has made a world of difference. 


We can make a difference in the lives of people when we choose to quit assuming and pick up some compassion and see beyond the surface to their real story.  It doesn't have to be a major commitment, it may just mean for 5 minutes we set aside assumptions and listen to what they have to say.  We will walk away with compassion instead of judgement and they will walk away feeling valued because someone chose to listen instead of lecture. 

The question for you and for me is, am I willing to hear the stories of people even when their stories may make me uncomfortable?  Am I willing to set aside my assumptions, which make me feel safe and better about myself, in order to find compassion for someone?

Everyone has a story to tell. Listen to others and let others listen to you.

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 5)

You know the bikes that look like this? 

Well do their arms get tired?!? 

Do we realize that everyone has a story?

Why, as a 36.5 year old, am I breaking out as if I were a teenager?  ARG! 

I've been scratching my head over the whole issue of tolerance.  Why do I, as a Believer in Jesus Christ, have to be tolerant of all other beliefs but those other beliefs don't have to be tolerant of my belief?  Doesn't that present an incomplete definition of tolerance? 



I wonder this daily:  How does Lanny put up with me?  (No seriously, this is a daily question for me!)

Why do I do what I don't want to do and don't do what I want to do?  (I'm not the first person to ask this question but I ask it of myself daily)

How much am I willing to pay to have the last word?  Because having the last word always costs something...ALWAYS. 

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 4)

Why do people bend their bodies along with their ball when bowling as if to tell the ball how to travel down the lane?


You know Jesus wasn't white right?  (this one isn't a question that has me thinking but is more meant to get you thinking in case you never thought about it before. :) )


Does the kind of grape you prefer to eat also indicate the kind of wine you prefer to drink?



Why does a black skinned (or darker skinned as in the case of Hispanics) person threaten the white skinned population?  (Don't think the whiteys - hey, I'm one so I can say it - are threatened?  *Then explain the Civil Rights Movement here in America, or the Apartheid movement in South Africa, or the clamp down on the Aborigines in Australia, etc etc etc) 


How is it possible to love someone/something so much and yet dislike them/it just as much at the same time?

If smokers could smell themselves would they quit smoking? 

Do people who wear skinny jeans wear them to look skinny?  And do skinny people know that they don't look good in skinny jeans?!?

Has the line between God's gift of grace and abuse of said grace been blurred, or even abused, within the Church? 

What does it say about the direction of mankind when a car becomes worth more to someone than a human life? (Haven't heard this story yet?  Click on the question and read about the horrifying event that I drove past on my way to work Wednesday, February 23 - the update to the story is that a 34 year old woman has been arrested.)
*I've included some links for each of the events I mention by name.  Click on the named event/person group and the link will pop up!  And...just for the record the abuse and devalument that whites have heaped upon the black population is completely sickening to me.  I praise God that he is the God of vengeance and I don't have to go and do anything stupid to the white population out there that has participated or still participates in these disgusting ways.

Really. I'm not TRYING to be a nuisance! :)

So here we are in this same old spot



Knowing something needs to happen but our mouths are locked


Tongue tied, closed tight, sealed shut, yup


I tried hard but it just wouldn't come up


It's on the tip of my tongue, it's in the front of my mind


Yet the words were still so hard to find


Finally the reality of things to come pushed me to the edge


I jumped off the cliff into the abyss as I said

[Chorus]


I'm not trying to be a nuisance


I just think we can do better than this


That was simply my two cents


You can, you can take it or leave it

The conversation lingered on and on and


Before I knew it night had turned to dawn and


Were we searching for the truth in all of it?


Or are we debating just to win the argument?


'Cause none of us want to hear about where we go wrong


This song could easily be from me to you or me to John


'Cause I have the potential to be the guiltiest

My greatest strength is also my strongest weakness
Let's think about this path that we're taking


Let's think about this future we're creating


Let's think about this life that is fading


Think about it, come on, think about it now


Let's think about this time that we're spending


Investing in monetary things that are ending


Let's think about it and let's think together


And let's think about what we can do to make it better


We can and we will do better than this.

The silly and the sacred...questions that have me thinking! (Part 3)

Why does an Improv group practice/rehearse?


Shouldn't a Christian college believe that God and his Word are infallible?


Does anyone else think that getting an American Doll that looks just like you is creepy?


In our efforts to be profound/philosophical have we lost our message and the simplicity of it? 


What is Lady Gaga trying to do or to prove?


Why do companies focus so much on education and/or skill and not at all on character?  It is a better employee in the long run that has good character and has to be taught a skill rather than an employee who has no character but the skill.

Why is it that wherever we are at in the grocery store and we park our cart that is the exact place where people need to be?  Who actually needs a 5 gallon jar of sauerkraut?!?  I always put my cart in front of some obscure item to stay out of the way and someone always wants that exact item. 


Why can't we respect the wishes of the people we respect and admire?  (*i.e. Martin Luther he asked that no church/peoples be named after him - um, hello LUTHERANS :)  - Mother Teresa asked that her diaries not get published - they did. I think you see what I'm saying.)


Why can't Christians be creative and think of their own marketable products rather than rip off someone else's and label it with the word "Bible" or some other biblical term?  (i.e. Apples to Apples - there's a Bible Apples to Apples...WHY?) 

Do all parents at some point wonder what action they do will push their kid into therapy at some point?  :) 

___________________________________________
*Martin Luther - "I ask that people do not make reference to my name. Let them call themselves Christians, not Lutherans. What is Luther? After all, this gospel teaching is not mine. Neither was I crucified for anyone. In 1 Corinthians 3, St. Paul does not allow Christians to call themselves "Pauline" or "Petrine" but only "Christian." How then should I-the poor, stinking bag of maggots that I am-come to have people call the children of Christ by my wretched name? Let it not be so, my dear friends. Rather, let us abolish all partisan names and call ourselves Christians, after him whose teaching we hold." (From A Sincere Admonition from Martin Luther to All Christians, 1522)
*Mother Teresa - "At one point, a former archbishop of Calcutta wanted to share some of her letters with a struggling founder of another religious congregation, Father Kolodiejchuk said.  Mother Teresa begged him not to and asked that all her letters be destroyed.  Father Kolodiejchuk said she told the archbishop, "When people know about the beginning, they will think more about me and less about Jesus."

Names

Have you ever paused to consider what a name says?
Of course we all have considered what names say when they are ones like:
stupid
idiot
moron
dumb
etc
I'm not talking about those names.
I'm talking about YOUR name.  Yes, you. 
I'm talking about MY name.  Yes, me too. 
Ever consider what your name being said communicates to you?
Ever consider what the name of the person you are speaking to communicates to them?
Oh, I'm not talking about the meaning of names either. 
I'm simply talking about what it says. 

In my job it is expected that I know the names of my fellow co-workers.  And until now I haven't really ever considered the value of a name. 
When I call people by their name I am telling them that they:
*exist
*have worth
*hold value
*are important enough to commit to memory
*are unique and not a "cookie cutter" human

WHAT?! 
"Beth, this time you are really reaching." 
It's okay if you are thinking that. 
Maybe I am reaching.
But maybe I'm not. 

I've seen the faces of my co-workers light up when I greet them by their name. 
I've seen them pause and greet me back when they were going to blow right by me.
I've had them visit my desk and begin conversation with me and all because I used their name.

I know how much it means to me.  In fact, one of the first things that impressed me about my workplace was the intentional use of my name by my new co-workers.  Even the President and CEO have committed my name to memory and they don't need the reminder of my nameplate or badge!  :)  That's impressive and it meant a lot to me that people set out to let me know that I was more than a presence at the Front Desk but I had value, a personality, I was a person with feelings.  It still means a lot to me.  In fact, our President was walking out for lunch today and inquired about me and my comfort level at the Front Desk.  And he used my name to start off the conversation. 

Whether we admit it or not, whether we have even considered it or not we like it and we appreciate it when we are called by our name.  That is when it is spoken with respect, love, compassion, and kindness.

So.
Where do you fall in this?
Is everyone you meet up with a "there" or a "you"? 
(Hey there or Hey you)
Or do you purpose to call others by their name if you can?

I'm just sayin' that a name purposefully committed to memory and then used speaks more to that person than you may ever realize. 

Oh, and if by chance nobody ever calls you by name again I know of One who will always call you by name.  He named the stars in the sky and he named YOU as he formed you (Psalm 139). 

My 90 Day Review of being a Front Desk Receptionist

Well, it’s been 90 days. Time flies when you are having fun at the Front Desk!



The Name Update:


Out of approximately 203 Service Center (Headquarters) Employees I don’t know 31. In my defense about 25 of them don’t work in the same building and so I literally never see them, some of them I have never seen! Not bad for 3 months, I have memorized roughly 172 names! Impressive for this aging brain! :)  I actually know more employees than most of the other employees know.


The Task Update:


In an effort to keep me from being on Facebook for 5 ½ straight hours, haha, my boss has scared up some work for me to do. It keeps me occupied enough. I sign off on purchases, I request checks to be cut, I monitor our visitor badges, I maintain the company soda machine, and I make conference room, transportation, and guest lodging reservations. (We own a house that we allow people to stay in and use, comparable to a hotel and more comfortable!) I have also created tasks for myself. Between the morning person and myself we keeping thinking of things to keep us busy looking!


The Behind Update:


HA! See my last update about Front Desk receptionists!


The Inner Office Mail Update:


The tootsie rolls ran out so I upgraded to individually wrapped Lifesavers (eyes and nose) and Twizzlers (smiles). I’m hearing rumors of recipients hanging them up in their cubicles. I don’t sign my name because it isn’t about me; it’s simply about putting a smile (hopefully) in their day.


The Co-Worker Update:


No more requests for assistance on personal hygiene issues, thank goodness! But observing my co-workers has given me A LOT of material for writing. A LOT. :) 


The morning Front Desk woman and I complement each other well and I think we are both a great fit together for the Lobby and being the “faces of Young Life”.


The Lobby Music Update:


The differences between my direct co-worker and I are obvious even in our music choices! She covers the morning and plays more mellow music and then I get in there and pop in more upbeat music!


The Organization:


The more I work with and for Young Life the more impressed I am with their mission and how they go about fulfilling that mission. Coming from a Christian High School I have no previous history or experience with Young Life and so I’m totally new to this particular organization. I feel incredibly blessed to be working with and for the people here at the Service Center as they work for and with the 4000+ field staff that Young Life has throughout this Nation and in other parts of the world. I’m excited and grateful to be part of this team called Young Life. Want to know more about Young Life? Click here!


Conclusion of the 90 Day Review:


Since they decided to keep me I think I’ll stick around for awhile! We seem to have a mutual affection for one another. :) 

Memories of Mom

What the daughter does, the mother did.

(Jewish Proverb)

(My Mom and I, 1974.)

I looked in the mirror the other day and saw my Mom’s elbows. It made me pause. See, I look just like my Dad. But I saw that day that I have my Mom’s elbows. I’m so much like my Dad in both physical looks and giftings that what I have of Mom gets a little lost.  So many of the events and day to day things from my childhood have drifted to the dark parts of my memory bank. But every so often one of the memories creeps forward and makes itself present.  Here are just a few...


My Mom and I share a love of office supplies, specifically pens.  A few years back we walked into an office supply store together and as we walked through the door we both, without speaking, inhaled the smell of the store. We happened to notice that we did that, looked at each other and started laughing in astonishment. In that moment it became very clear to me where I got my love of office supplies and explained why I could, and have, spent hours browsing in office supply stores!

(Mom got her first Kitchen Aid Christmas 1983)

I love to bake. And I never thought much about it until one day the random memory came to me that my Mom, once upon a time, loved to bake! In fact, she spent one day a week in the summers baking all the needed baked goods for this Dude Ranch near where we lived. Along with this memory came a clear picture in my mind of her standing in the kitchen of this Dude Ranch working with their huge Kitchen Aid and baking all sorts of fantastic treats.

(Mom baking at Tumbling River Ranch Summer 1985)

My Mom taught me to read at a very young age. We share books and a voracious love for reading. She taught me so well that when I was four and my brother was two I taught him to read! She turned us into a family of readers.


One day when my hub and I were doing some deep spring cleaning I got the giggles. I was cleaning windowsills and was really into it. I was definitely putting some elbow grease into this project. I started giggling when I realized I most likely had the same expression on my face that my Mom does when she’s scrubbing and I looked up to see my hub looking at me and saying, “You look like your Mom right now.” She and I have the same intensity when deeply involved in a project.


As I age I have started to hit curbs when driving. So yeah beware. Anyway, guess who does this too? Yep. My Mom! My daughter frequently makes comments about my driving and the growing similarities to my Mom’s. There are certain driving habits that I told my daughter to never let me engage in however! Haha!


When I was in elementary my Mom and I got up early one morning and went to a friend’s to feed their St. Bernard named Bear. My Mom was wearing this long quilted coat, the style back then, and went out on the back deck to Bear. I stayed inside and watched through the sliding glass door. In the blink of an eye my Mom was screaming at Bear as he tried to make her his breakfast. Imagine a young girl staring out the window while her Mom is being attacked by a huge St. Bernard. He bit through her coat and got to her arm. At first he went for her neck as he pushed her face down on the deck but she somehow offered up her arm instead. I don’t really know. All I know is her screams, my screams, and Bear. I got my Dad on the phone and told him what happened and he raced over. The rest of the morning was spent trying to contain Bear, get a hold of his owners, and getting my Mom to an Urgent Care for stitches. That afternoon we participated in our annual Awana Olympics, my Mom was a trooper.


As I get older and my Mom gets older and we grow in our friendship I see things about her that I never saw when I was younger. For example...


My Mom has a wonderful way with older people. She has been a companion to many as they can’t get out of their homes or even beds any longer. She and a 90+ year old quilt together! She taught the lady when she mentioned a few years back that she had never learned!


She volunteers at an organization that does in home hospice care and I dropped by the other day and one of the Directors there couldn’t stop gushing about my Mom. I’m so proud of her and so proud to call her MY Mom.


She heads up the quilting ministry at our church. Each Christmas our church picks a nursing home to gift the residents with lap quilts. This is no small undertaking; it is literally a yearlong project!

My Mom may not know it or feel it or even hear it but God has been speaking grace over and in her life for 60 years now.  She's dragged some heavy baggage with her throughout life but as she ages she has learned to courageously put the baggage down and continue on her journey with a lighter load.  Philippians 1:6 says that the process God begins with each one of us he will complete and my Mom is a strong example to me of being brave enough and having the necessary endurance to allow God to put her through the processes. 


When I look in the mirror as the years pass, I hope that I see more of my Mother in me than just her elbows. :) 

(My Mom's 36th Birthday, February 4 1987.  I'm 36 right now!)