Ross Geller Tells Me What To Do

There's this later episode of Friends in which Chandler and Monica are getting married. (#sorrynotsorry for that spoiler alert - what do you mean you haven't watched Friends yet?!) Chandler has disappeared due to cold feet and Ross is trying to find him. When Ross finally finds Chandler he talks him off the ledge by getting him to do just one thing at a time with no thought for what comes after. He gets him to take a shower while not thinking about what comes later. Then he gets him to put clothes on while not thinking about what comes later. And so it goes until Chandler finds himself watching Monica walk down the aisle to meet and marry him. By then he's calmed down because he faced his fear one small step at a time, not all at once.

The other day I heard Ross tell me to just get out of bed, nothing more. See, I didn't want to. I physically was able but mentally and emotionally I was stuck in bed, unable to face the day. I thought about that episode and Ross encouraging Chandler to take those small steps so I got out of bed. I had an appointment that day and I felt very unwilling to go. I wanted to pick up the phone and cancel. But Ross told me to take a shower while not thinking about what comes later. And then he told me to put on clothes because I couldn't go around naked. So I did. And so it went until I found myself in the parking lot where the appointment was.

Call it coincidence, call it whatever you want but in my appointment - the one I was able to get to with the help of Ross - my doctor told me to take small steps and keep my eyes on the task in front of me, not the door I needed to walk out of an hour from then. Basically, she was telling me what Ross had just that morning.

This inability to even get out of bed isn't fear based for me, it's my continuing struggle with depression. It's when my eyes open for the first time each morning and my first thought is, "I.can't. I.just.can't." But then nature prompts me to get up. Literally. So I'm up, what now? Ross, and my doctor and my therapist (oh I didn't mention she also chimed in on this?), suggests I stay up and brush my teeth or shower, something that keeps me up for just a few more minutes. Those few minutes tumble on each other like a domino train that has been started and before I know it I am in my car and adulting. And the depression doesn't win that time because as I take each step and progress toward adulting for the day I discover that maybe, just maybe, I can. I can interact with people. I can stay out of my bed. For me the saying, "Keep my eye on the prize"  means each small step I take every day is a prize. My depression paralyzes me because I try to look at the whole day all at once, Ross tells me to do the next thing while not thinking about what comes later.

There's another episode of Friends where Phoebe thinks a cat is her mom reincarnated. But the friends find the cat's real owner and Ross is the only one saying Phoebe has to be told. The friends reluctantly agree and Rachel exclaims, "I hate it when Ross is right!" I imagine depression must say the same thing when I choose to listen to Ross over it. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go - Ross just told me it's time to take another step toward winning over depression today.