adjective judg•men•tal \ˌjəj-ˈmen-təl\
: tending to judge people too quickly and critically
: of, relating to, or involving judgment
Full Definition of JUDGMENTAL
1
: of, relating to, or involving judgment
2
: characterized by a tendency to judge harshly
*Perspective: A way of looking at a situation. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, wife, mom, aunt, and employee. I don't claim to be an expert on anything nor have all the answers to something. Please bear that in mind as you read my perspective. Chances are good it will differ from your own. It's okay to have different ones!
I think we need to have an honest conversation about the criticism, or in so many cases the accusation, of being judgmental. If you've been following me for awhile you may remember when I discussed the intolerance of so-called tolerant people. This is equal to part two of that discussion. The people who are crying "judgmental" are usually being judgmental themselves. None of us are free from the temptations of passing judgment too quickly or harshly. None of us.
I've run into this particular accusation a lot in my life. People assume I am judgmental due to my differing opinions, expression of faith, the way I look, the choices I have made and make, my moral convictions, etc. I'm willing to bet that you have also experienced the accusations of being judgmental for similar reasons. Like I said, none of us are free from passing judgment on others.
I am particularly bothered with the accusation for many of the same reasons I am bothered by the accusation of being intolerant. Just because we have differing opinions or beliefs about something doesn't mean that either one of us are intolerant or, for the purpose of this post, judgmental. Now. The caveat is perhaps one or both of us are in fact being judgmental but it shouldn't be assumed that we are before proof is presented*. It's okay for us to have different ideas, experiences, opinions, and beliefs about all kinds of things and it doesn't mean fingers are being pointed and derision is the adopted attitude. Quit assuming the worst about me, the majority of the time you will find my motives and heart are sincere and I am in no way interested in passing judgment on people different than me. In fact, I welcome people different than me. I welcome the challenge and growth the differences between us provide. I'm not assuming the worst of you and if you think I am then ask me, challenge me, call me out on it.
The prompt for this discussion came from hearing that someone I love believes that another person, whom I also love, is judgmental. My heart is pierced. The only reason for this accusation of judgment is based on differing experiences and moral convictions. The accusation comes from a place of protection as well. I get that, we all feel protective of family and friends but we shouldn't allow it to prompt accusations of judgment toward another.
"In our culture today there are two thoughts that simply aren't true. Firstly, if we disagree with the lifestyle of someone then that means we hate them and maybe are even afraid of them. Secondly, if we love them then we have to accept everything they do and believe in. These are total nonsense! By disagreeing with them we are not hating them or being afraid of them. And we do not have to compromise our beliefs in order to show them love and compassion. Disagreeing with someone is not hating or being afraid or judging them." (Rick Warren)
The two people that I love had a conversation one day. One explained to the other a relationship dynamic that the other had never experienced personally. The one who hadn't had that relationship dynamic accepted the explanation, thought it was sad that anyone would experience it, and moved on from it loving and accepting things and people as they are. You might say the explanation helped that person come into understanding and they learned yet another facet of relationships. The one who gave the explanation for the dynamic must have held on to the protective and defensive feelings for it was months later in which the accusation of the other being judgmental was verbalized. It's why my heart is pierced. One had moved on, but for some reason the other had not. I'm still puzzled as to why. Why is this person I love so much choosing to make and believe this false accusation? It was never true in the first place and to make the accusation is so hurtful to me, not to mention the person it is directed at.
“It's okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by other people. That doesn't give you the right to deny any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don't like what they are saying. Learn to recognize good writing [common sense, truth, necessity] when you read [hear] it, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.” (Ashly Lorenzana)
Sometimes I think we cry "judgmental" toward someone else because we recognize a truth they spoke or a strand of unhealthy thinking in ourselves that needs to be addressed. Sometimes I think we use it as an adjective for someone because we feel uncomfortable by their differing ideas, beliefs, opinions, etc. Sometimes when someone has made a fair judgment we label them judgmental because we are jealous that they can draw a boundary that we feel unable to. Being a non-judgmental person means we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable with differences, that we love beyond differences, that we admit when something different makes more sense or is more healthy emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Being a non-judgmental person means we value humility more than pride.
There's more to this conversation, such as is there a difference between making judgments and being judgmental? I briefly mentioned this earlier. Or what is the distinction between being judgmental and practicing discriminative thinking? Isn't discriminative thinking judgmental behavior? For those conversations others have unpacked it better than I could. Take a few more minutes and educate yourself on the rest of the conversation, I did and was glad for the additional knowledge. Here are two articles, rather short on length but deep with insight, that I found helpful regarding this topic:
Eight dynamics to consider in making constructive judgments
The big difference between "discriminative thinking" and "being judgmental"
I suppose my point is this: Don't label me judgmental when you see my cross necklace or my Christian fish* and I won't label you judgmental when I see your rainbow flag or political donkey*.
Is it a deal?
*For example, Westboro Baptist Church is comprised of many individuals who have all individually provided more than enough proof of their judgmental spirits. But don't make the mistake of including me or any other Christian you may know in that group. Let me prove to you if I am judgmental or not. Don't fall into the trap of allowing a group to represent an individual when it comes to opinions, beliefs, etc. I'm extending the same courtesy to you.
*These are just examples but they are some of the most common symbols we use as "proof" when we are accusing someone of being judgmental.
"In our culture today there are two thoughts that simply aren't true. Firstly, if we disagree with the lifestyle of someone then that means we hate them and maybe are even afraid of them. Secondly, if we love them then we have to accept everything they do and believe in. These are total nonsense! By disagreeing with them we are not hating them or being afraid of them. And we do not have to compromise our beliefs in order to show them love and compassion. Disagreeing with someone is not hating or being afraid or judging them." (Rick Warren)
The two people that I love had a conversation one day. One explained to the other a relationship dynamic that the other had never experienced personally. The one who hadn't had that relationship dynamic accepted the explanation, thought it was sad that anyone would experience it, and moved on from it loving and accepting things and people as they are. You might say the explanation helped that person come into understanding and they learned yet another facet of relationships. The one who gave the explanation for the dynamic must have held on to the protective and defensive feelings for it was months later in which the accusation of the other being judgmental was verbalized. It's why my heart is pierced. One had moved on, but for some reason the other had not. I'm still puzzled as to why. Why is this person I love so much choosing to make and believe this false accusation? It was never true in the first place and to make the accusation is so hurtful to me, not to mention the person it is directed at.
“It's okay to disagree with the thoughts or opinions expressed by other people. That doesn't give you the right to deny any sense they might make. Nor does it give you a right to accuse someone of poorly expressing their beliefs just because you don't like what they are saying. Learn to recognize good writing [common sense, truth, necessity] when you read [hear] it, even if it means overcoming your pride and opening your mind beyond what is comfortable.” (Ashly Lorenzana)
Sometimes I think we cry "judgmental" toward someone else because we recognize a truth they spoke or a strand of unhealthy thinking in ourselves that needs to be addressed. Sometimes I think we use it as an adjective for someone because we feel uncomfortable by their differing ideas, beliefs, opinions, etc. Sometimes when someone has made a fair judgment we label them judgmental because we are jealous that they can draw a boundary that we feel unable to. Being a non-judgmental person means we allow ourselves to be uncomfortable with differences, that we love beyond differences, that we admit when something different makes more sense or is more healthy emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically. Being a non-judgmental person means we value humility more than pride.
There's more to this conversation, such as is there a difference between making judgments and being judgmental? I briefly mentioned this earlier. Or what is the distinction between being judgmental and practicing discriminative thinking? Isn't discriminative thinking judgmental behavior? For those conversations others have unpacked it better than I could. Take a few more minutes and educate yourself on the rest of the conversation, I did and was glad for the additional knowledge. Here are two articles, rather short on length but deep with insight, that I found helpful regarding this topic:
Eight dynamics to consider in making constructive judgments
The big difference between "discriminative thinking" and "being judgmental"
I suppose my point is this: Don't label me judgmental when you see my cross necklace or my Christian fish* and I won't label you judgmental when I see your rainbow flag or political donkey*.
*For example, Westboro Baptist Church is comprised of many individuals who have all individually provided more than enough proof of their judgmental spirits. But don't make the mistake of including me or any other Christian you may know in that group. Let me prove to you if I am judgmental or not. Don't fall into the trap of allowing a group to represent an individual when it comes to opinions, beliefs, etc. I'm extending the same courtesy to you.
*These are just examples but they are some of the most common symbols we use as "proof" when we are accusing someone of being judgmental.
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