Have you ever noticed that people who claim to be tolerant are usually one of the most intolerant people? You haven't? Well stick with me and I'll show you what I mean.
First let's have a quick vocabulary lesson. Here's what tolerant means. And here's what intolerant means.
Okay now that we are all on the same page, let's continue.
Here's a real life story about pride in being tolerant being a mask for intolerance. Recently* someone I know personally bragged about their tolerance for other religious beliefs and cultures. They cited examples of going to dinner parties where all different religions mixed and it was wonderful and this person felt so good about themselves for being so tolerant. The same "tolerant" (remember what it means) person refused to attend a family member's baptism and threw an adult style temper tantrum over it. They refused to exit the car in the church parking lot and then, when finally coerced into coming into the church, they pulled out a fictional novel and pointedly read it the entire service. Yep, that person is so tolerant.
And they aren't the only prideful "tolerant" person I've run into throughout the years that are actually one of the most intolerant people I know. To accuse me of being intolerant is, well, comical. But I get accused of that a lot. In fact, I get accused of it by the "tolerant" people - you know the ones who say they are tolerant but refuse to participate in certain events, discussions, etc because a *gasp* Christian might be there. Yet I show up to their discussions, events, etc. So who is the tolerant one and who is the one that displays intolerance? The "tolerant" ones that won't read research that the opposing view offers but me, the "intolerant" one, that wants to know both sides. The "tolerant" ones that purposefully post vulgar language, derisive cartoons, and needling articles on their social media sites or me, the "intolerant" one, that respects their choice and doesn't say things to purposely offend or start debate that can't be productive. The "tolerant" ones that assign a generality to all Christians because of one person (think Pat Robertson, ugh) or me, the "intolerant" one, who knows one person's stupidity doesn't represent all who have similar beliefs.
A friend recently had this as her Facebook status, "I have no tolerance for intolerance. There. I said it." I thought to myself, "YES! Exactly!" She succinctly put into words what this particular article is about. The only thing I knowingly have intolerance for is intolerance. I try to be objective and open minded about everything else. This doesn't mean I agree with everything else but it means I don't treat people with differing beliefs, opinions, etc as idiots for not seeing things my way.
Being tolerant means having respect for people having their own opinions, whether you agree with them or not. Being tolerant means allowing yourself to be surprised by a perspective change on a topic you have stood firm on in the past. Being tolerant means admiring the intelligence that resides in others besides yourself. (I have also found that a good majority of intolerant people consider themselves to be genius as well. And no that is not an intolerant statement about intolerant people, that's a observation born from life experience with several so-called tolerant people.) It is not tolerance when you respect all beliefs but one. It is not tolerance when you can't be open to someone sharing facts with you about something you don't agree with. It is not tolerance when you purposely needle people who have opposing opinions by use of vulgar language, snide comments about them as a person, a refusal to concede to a well said fact.
I posted an article from Donald Miller the other day on my Facebook. In my perspective it was a mild article, wasn't going to ruffle a lot of feathers or cause any sort of conversation. I was surprised, then, when the comments started up. And I was surprised by some of the comments! One friend commented and when I mentioned that we would have to agree to disagree she removed her comment. Huh. I have no problem agreeing to disagree, I consider it to be a quality of tolerance for other opinions. By removing her comment I felt she harbors intolerance for people who take a different position than she does and that makes me sad...and a little frustrated truthfully. Another friend commented and it blew me away. She said, "Beth, I look forward to your posts. You turn my preconceived notions on their head - and that's a very, very good thing." This is my friend practicing tolerance. She and I differ on basically every view point out there and yet here she is, willing to be open minded about seeing me and the topics we differ on in a different light. And I hope the same can be said about me.
It might be time for *us* to rethink our actual tolerance for people and things because if *you* call that (behavior or statement) tolerant then my only response can be "huh."
*I said recently, without a timeline, in order to protect the guilty. It could have been 5 years ago or it could have been yesterday.
As a follow up to this post I also wrote one on Diversity. Click here to read those thoughts!
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