Being a Mama has been one of the most disappointing realities to deal with. I am not the best and I was never going to be. If only I had known the warning signs way back in the day I wouldn't have set myself up for so much disappointment. When I would babysit all I wanted to do was read while the children entertained themselves. Uh... yeah, see? I was a crappy babysitter, that should have been my hint right there. But no, I had to go and ignore the signs and set myself up for further disillusionment. I had all these ideas and plans, as I think most Mama-to-be's do. Some were based off of what my own Mom did with my brothers and I, some based off of the trending thing to do at the time, some based off of my own high and unrealistic expectations. I had never had the kind of energy that it took to accomplish being the best Mom ever but somehow I imagined the energy would just come once the baby was born. See how delusional I was?!
I was a better Mama when I didn't have to work outside of the home. Those early years I could give a little more but I was still more interested in reading a book than actually following through on any of the trends or any of the ideas I did have to educate my children, to play with them, etc. Why didn't I see it still? Not that the redheads and I didn't snuggle, giggle, play, and spend time together. We did, they never once - even to this day - feel like I had left them to their own devices or hadn't given them enough love and attention. I suppose my sedentary style of mommyhood was counteracted by their Daddy who would do all the active, outdoor, things with them.
The ironic thing is, then and now, how good I am with kids. I adore kids, my own and others. I somehow gathered up the energy to be the Awana Commander for a few years, I was the Children's Ministry Co-Director for years, I taught Sunday School for years. I had kids climbing all over me. I hugged, I snuggled, I disciplined, I spent hours creating fun and interesting lessons for them. At playdates with friends I was swinging kids, mine and theirs, around. I would weekend babysit for friends (my poor husband). I just had to reconcile my preference for sedentary participation with the more popular active participation.
Working outside of the home took my status down a couple of notches. My redheads claim it didn't but it did. I know the truth. Energy levels were sucked away even more, time was shortened even more. The upkeep of a home, a marriage, parenting, relationships, personal interests, and much more lowered my ability to keep up with any expectations I had placed on myself or I thought others had of me.
Last year Mother's Day was approaching. I was trolling Pinterest and saw the claim, "World's Okayest Mom" and I laughed out loud...literally. That I could make claim to. I'm not the world's best mom, I'm not the best mom in the United States, I'm not the best mom in Colorado, I'm not the best mom in Colorado Springs, and I'm not sure I'm even the best mom to these redheads I've been gifted with. But I am okay. Ever since then I've been thinking about my role as an okay mom. It was easier to accept once I saw the truth of it. No, it's okay - it really is. I don't need to be amazing or the best, but I do need to be okay. I've had some successes and some failures in this thing called motherhood. Some might say that I'm settling for okay and should be striving for best. Newflash: I do strive for the best and I can pull out with an okay. So while I strive for best and hit okay I have learned to accept that and not beat myself up over some unrealistic ideal, over this false idea that if I don't do it exactly right or perfectly then I'm a total waste. Life guarantees that there will continue to be failures mixed in with the successes. I like to think of the failures as moments of humility so I don't get big headed about anything. The past couple of years have been very challenging in this motherhood and parenting adventure. It's been the past couple years that I have seen my okay status very clearly. I watch other people around me parenting and they are having successes, my successes are few and far between. It sounds like my redheads might be terrors but they aren't. They are far from it. But they have diverged from a lot of the investment I did put into them in the early years. But I see that I need to respect the choices they make (as long as they aren't harmful, disrespectful, or illegal). They are individual and are finding their wings and ways. In Proverbs it says that if we train up our kids in the way they should go they will not depart from it. So I'm hopeful that one day, for example, the redheads see that there are way better foods (in all ways) to eat than ramen. I spent a lot of time in their growing up years trying to teach them that! And that's just one example. *wink*
A best Mom would never have to apologize to her kids because if you are the best then you are perfect. An okay Mom knows she's messed up and apologizes to her kids when she has, teaching them that adults aren't above misbehavior and taking personal responsibility should never end. I fall into the okay category once again. I have no idea how many times in 17 years of Mommyhood I have had to apologize to my girls for my inappropriate behavior but it has been way more than a best Mom would ever have to do!
And somehow, through it all - the mistakes, the misbehavin', the giving in when I know I shouldn't, and so many other non-best things - these redheads think I'm a pretty good Mom. Only I know the truth, I'm an okay mom and I'm more than okay with that.
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