Go ahead, prove me wrong.

I have a character flaw. I know you are shocked but alas, I do. I default to defensiveness. I immediately jump to the defensive when I feel attacked on - well anything. I don't think I'm the only one with this flaw, I see it all around me every day. We all feel the need to defend ourselves - our work ethic, our choices, our beliefs, our theories, you name it we jump to a defense of it.  Have you ever watched someone get defensive over something?  It can be pretty ugly. The behavior that surfaces as a defense mechanism can be akin to the Hulk transforming from flesh to green. Guess what? You look like that too when you get defensive. Just sayin'. *wink*

The other day someone got defensive with me and instead of looking like the Hulk they looked like a dog marking its territory. I am not exaggerating. They did the equivalent of going around and peeing on things and people in an attempt to make a point. When I didn't respond then they turned into the Hulk.  I found it all to be rather exasperating and funny. But it got me to thinking about this default of defensiveness that so many of us seem afflicted with.  If we are so convinced that we are the right ones then why are we turning green and peeing on things?

Here's a profound idea: allow yourself to be proved wrong. Yep, you read that right. Open yourself up to be proved wrong on the theory, opinion, etc that you hold. Quit spending so much time trying to defend your position. If you are right then it can defend itself. So let others prove you wrong. And IF they can here's the next profound idea: allow yourself to concede and be open to a mind change. Yep, you read that right. Open yourself up to changing your mind, opinions, beliefs, theories, etc. I know, I know. It's a crazy idea but it just may be the best thing we can do for ourselves.

The fact is this: we are not right about every single thing we believe, feel, etc. We do not always behave rightly, we do not always speak rightly, we do not always treat others rightly. Why are we so hell bound (and I do believe certain forces of hell have something to do with this character flaw) on defending something that deep down we know to be wrong?  Is our need to "save face" so great that we are willing to defend even the things we know are wrong? Apparently so.

Listen, I'm speaking to myself first and foremost. Remember my confession above?  I know my flaws and I've worked hard at making sure I am mindful about the automatic default they lead me to. I have to keep myself in check more often than not. I have some other people in my life who also serve as a check. Sometimes they catch me defaulting before I can catch myself. In mid-transformation from flesh to green they jump in and keep me from going all the way.

Next time someone says or does something that makes you feel like lifting a leg to mark your territory or you feel the flesh changing to green stop. Take a deep breath, put your leg down, let your heartbeat come back to normal and be confident in the thing you feel is being attacked. Let the other person do the hard work of arguing a position and IF they are able to make you reconsider your own position that's okay. It's okay to change our minds. It's also okay to have different positions, beliefs, opinions and be friends. It is good for us to be challenged and to challenge and we don't need to pee on things or turn green to do it.