*Perspective: A way of looking at a situation. I'm a daughter, sister, friend, wife, mom, aunt, and employee. I don't claim to be an expert on anything nor have all the answers to something. Please bear that in mind as you read my perspective. Chances are good it will differ from your own. It's okay to have different ones!
I was standing under the stream of cold water in the early morning. Gasping because of the cold and cleaning up as quickly as I could, my mind focused on the day. I moaned. I was so tired, I didn't want to do this day. I had so many days before this one that were exhausting and hard. The days, the year of days, leading up to this one had been difficult. I had been fighting upstream against a tide of doubters and then insecurities of my own. I had been living under the patronization of more than a couple of people. One night I had almost thrown in the towel, but while slumped in a booth at Ruby Tuesday's with a bestie was found by someone who told me I wasn't allowed to quit. So I didn't quit but I was discouraged.
So here I was, standing under the stream of cold water trying to gather the courage to face the day, the uncertainties, the people I was supposed to be leading, the conflict simmering under the surface. I wanted to crawl back into bed, lay under the mosquito net all day, and have a good old-fashioned pity party. Not only did I have a moody team to deal with, but I needed to make some rather large purchases this day due to my procrastination of the prior two days. I was nervous. I hate spending other people's money. I hate making decisions about things I don't know anything about. My stomach hurt. I moaned again and it wasn't because of the cold water. I was arguing in my head with God about these decisions I had to make, feeling so inadequate and incapable. Then God had enough. "Beth, the worst decision you can make is to not make one at all." Darn it. I had no argument to come back with. The minute he said it I knew it to be true. A leader always makes decisions and then walks them out however they end up. To not make a decision is the worst thing I can do. Shoot. I dried off and went back to my room, ready to make some decisions that were already making me clammy and nauseous.
And I did it. That day I put on my big girl panties, climbed in the front seat of the van with Simon, went into Nairobi and made the decisions. I hated every second of it but Simon redeemed the day for me. He patiently drove me around, helped me carry things, gave me advice when it was clear I needed it, made sure I felt safe walking around, talked to me while we drove around and pointed out areas of interest. We talked about his faith and his life experiences. My decision to be decisive that day turned out to be one of the best days I had that week. I was learning to breath in the confidence of finally making a decision and living with the success or consequences of it.
Since then, that challenge about decision making pops up all the time for me. Recently my boss asked me to make a few decisions on his behalf and gave me a month to do it. At first I thought to myself, "no problem" but then I started looking into these decisions and I got clammy. So I put it on the backburner and tried to forget about it. But he did give me a deadline and I did assure him it was no problem. In the last two days of the month given I finally gulped hard and made a decision - right or wrong I had to make an a decision. The result? He loved the decisions I made. Whew. Another lesson learned toward decisiveness.
Since the stream of cold water I've had many more moments of decision making and I'm always reminded of when that lesson was given to me. Perhaps it's because the water was so cold! It doesn't really matter why I remember it, I'm just glad I do.
Is decision making hard for you or does it come pretty naturally? If it is hard for you, why? If it comes easy what advice can you give those of us who find it more difficult and/or nerve wracking?
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