Ready? Set? Answer this:
The difference between loving someone and being in love with someone is...
I asked this question on my Facebook page a few months ago after a conversation my husband and I had. Lanny asked me, "Are you still in love with me?" I replied that I didn't think so. He took it one way and I meant it a different way. I chewed on it for a couple of days and then put it out there for Facebook to answer. And what I found was that there is no right or wrong answer and each person answers according to their perspective, which isn't right or wrong in this particular case.
What did I mean when I told my husband that I didn't think I was "in love" with him anymore? I meant that I had gone way beyond those mushy, butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings that I associate with being "in love." We have been married for almost 19 years. A lot of water has flowed under our bridge during our relationship. Being "in love", according to my perspective, is a feeling that can come and go and is dependent on situations, circumstances, etc. Loving someone, however, is a commitment to stay the course even when it gets tough. And it does get tough. Relationships take work. When I tell my husband I love him, I am telling him that I am willing to fight for us when things are hard, and that I am willing to continue to learn how to consider him and not be self-serving. Sometimes I am also "in love" with my husband again. But, for me, that "in love" feeling comes and goes but loving him is a constant, I choose to love him and want the best for him even when I am hurt or angry with him. I choose to love him and be committed to our marriage even when I am wishing for the single life again.
Here's what some of my Facebook friends said about loving someone vs. being "in love":
Loving someone is a choice accompanied by actions that are fruits of that choice and being in love is a feeling...an awesome, heady, high that comes crashing down when deeply hurt or disappointed.
One you care for that person and the other you want the best for them.
Being in love is more of an initial emotion that can be based on attraction. While loving someone is a choice or decision to commit your heart to someone not based on what they are able to do for you.
Loving somebody is 1 Corinthians 13 (in a nutshell), and being in love with somebody could be that they like the idea of that person, if that makes sense.
I love my kids, but wouldn't say I'm 'in love' with them the way I would about my boyfriend. But I think more credit needs to be given to the term 'in love.' It's not something fleeting or temporary.
Loving someone is desiring and doing what is in that person's best interest. The term "in love" indicates that the opposite, being "out of love", can occur. Being in love can still be very powerful, but it is heavily based on personal feelings and emotions, which are wonderful but not always the best things to rely on.
Being in love is showing a present action. ... On going and growing ... I love my wife but more than that I am in love with her !!!!
I love a lot of people. Being "in love" makes me think of an active state of being, rather than a passive state of being.
Loving someone means sacrificing for their good, it means seeing a person through Gods eyes... Knowing their soul.... Wanting, no needing, to grow In your walk with God together.
See what I mean? It's all in perspective and not one single person who gave input is wrong. In fact, I think they are all right to one degree or another. I sat down with my husband, who felt hurt that I wasn't "in love" with him at that moment and I shared with him my informal poll and my clarified thoughts on the topic. I reaffirmed that I do love him, even when I may be acting edgy.
Around the same time we were studying John 21 in our home church. In verses 15-17 Jesus asks Peter three times "do you love me." Two times, in my version, he asks "do you TRULY love me" and the third time he asks "do you love me." My study note on this portion speculated on the difference between "truly love" and "love" which made me think about my question. To rephrase the question I asked: What is the difference between truly love and love? Here's what my study note suggests: "Truly love" refers to a love in which the entire personality, including the will, is involved. "Love" refers to the spontaneous natural affection or fondness in which emotion plays a more prominent role than will.
I love looking at different versions of the Bible to get a fuller picture. Here's what the Amplified Bible says about the two different loves Jesus uses to ask Peter: The first two loves used, in verse 15 and 16 the Amplified breaks down as this - with reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion, as one loves the Father. The love used in verse 17 the Amplified breaks it down as - with a deep, instinctive, personal affection for Me, as a close friend. In the English language we limit ourselves and use one word to describe what is actually a larger and deeper emotion. In all other languages, to my knowledge, they have several definitions for the same word to really describe the emotion. So when I say I love coffee and I love my husband do I really mean I love them equally? Of course not! In any other language I would use the word love in two different forms and the underlying meaning would be known. Here in America people equate them, in part, because we don't have depth to our words and language. Our language clings to the surface and doesn't have the layers of meaning and emotion that other languages possess. So we have to look below the surface.
I hope my husband knows that I don't love him and coffee the same. How tragic that would be if I did. If I look at the love I have for my husband and the love I have for coffee according to what my studies in John 21 showed me it is clear to me that I truly love my husband. To truly love someone means you invest your whole personality, your whole self into that relationship, including your will - which requires sacrifice. To love something or even someone means I am basing my affection on emotions, which can fluctuate and change and doesn't involve much, if any, sacrifice of self. The investment in this kind of love is minimal whereas the investment in truly loving is at a maximum.
If Lanny asked me today, "Are you in love with me?" my answer would still be no, not really. But I would go on to say, "Babe, I truly love you." And truly loving someone trumps "in love" every time, in my opinion.
*Oh man, I got you didn't I? For a brief moment there you thought we might be talking about sex, right? *grin* You know, the song? Oh never mind... *wink*
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