"Sticks and stones may break my bones
but names will never hurt me."
We all grew up being taught this. As an adult I just listen to that and can't help but say...
REALLY?!? I DON'T THINK SO!
When I look back on my life to this point I don't remember the physical injuries people may have dealt me but I sure do remember the verbal injuries I have been dealt. Every "moo" that was directed my way in Middle School echoes in my brain and heart to this very day. Every word that has been spoken to me that communicated lack of worth/value, lack of purpose, or lack of contribution has wrapped their sticky tentacles around my heart and soul and acted as an anaconda, squeezing the life out of me - or threatening to.
I've never been a domestic abuse victim but from my observations what the victims have the harder time healing from is the words dealt them along with the physical blows. Oh sure, there is going to be some residual fear from the physical abuse. But verbal abuse is a weapon that drives far below the surface and strikes at the very core of who that person is. Verbal abuse attacks the character and personality, it introduces a death, it clings to a person and covers them like a blanket and then smothers them. Sticks and stones may break our bones but names will always hurt. ALWAYS.
"Kind words heal and help; cutting words wound and maim." (Proverbs 15:4) Another translation says that we can speak either words of life (the kind ones, the ones that are truthful but communicated in love) or we can speak words of death (I'm pretty sure I don't need to clarify anything on this one). I'm willing to bet that each of us have been on both sides - we have spoken words of life and death (be honest) and we have been the recipients of words of life and death. As a recipient it's easy to see how kind words heal and help and cutting words wound and maim but let's take it a step further in the interest of being more like Christ. :) (Not interested in being more like Christ? Then take it a step further in the interest of being a better human. But if you are curious about being more like Christ, let's talk.)
Okay, so we are stepping out a bit...
I'm thinking about the times I have spoken words of life to people I love, and more importantly, I think, to people I don't love so much. (Just bein' real.) I walked away feeling good, feeling settled in my spirit. Speaking words of life doesn't leave a taste of regret in my mouth or a heaviness in my heart. In fact, a lot of times the words of life I speak over someone end up helping and healing ME in some way! So, now it's your turn. How have you felt when you have spoken words of life - truth in kindness - to someone?
I started with words of life because that's a whole lot more fun and enjoyable to think about than the words of death we are all guilty of uttering. C'mon, it's okay to be real. :) So, words of death.
Just like words of life, I have spoken words of death to people I love and people I don't so much. (Still bein' real.) Words of death are interesting because as humans we tend to speak them as much to people that we love as we do to people that we don't whereas words of life we reserve more for people we love. Some switch in us is flipped that tells us it's "okay" to speak cutting words to people we love because they won't leave us. HUH. I have never understood this about human nature but I, unfortunately, have fallen into that trap a "time or two" (or three hundred...ugh). Walking away from speaking words of death, because let's face it - I know better and I knew somewhere in me that they weren't kind but rather cutting, finds me feeling icky, unsettled in my spirit. Speaking words of death always leaves a bad taste in my mouth and a heavy heart. YUCK. And just like words of life that I speak end up helping me in some way, words of death that I speak end up wounding or cutting ME in some way. DOUBLE YUCK. So, now it's your turn. How have you felt when you have spoken words of death - words that wound and destroy - to someone?
{Remember this self -evaluation is in the interest of being a better human or being more like Christ - or heck, both - and will only work if you are brutally honest with yourself about yourself! Nobody else is going to know the answer so you might as well be honest!}
Does it mean we can't speak truth to someone? Nope. It means we speak truth in the kindest way possible because that's how we want truth communicated to us and we know, deep down, that is how truth is best received - if it's going to be received. Will or can kind words offend? Yep. But the offense is always meant for the betterment of that person and they know it as we speak it.
Words of life = healthy, growing relationships
Words of death = death of relationships
Do you feel caught in the trap of speaking words of death? Seek help, seek accountability, before you utter a word think it through, consider the words you want to speak being spoken to you - would you like it?
Do you feel like the words of death spoken over you are attempting to squeeze the life out of you? Seek help, seek Truth, reject the lies.
To end, a song - of course! This is Dave Barnes singing, "Sticks And Stones" (video/song at bottom of lyrics)
You would have kept those words on your tongue,
If you had known the hurt they had done.
While your fists stay by, right by your side,
Your words they bruise me deep inside.
I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.
Sometimes your words are thick as lead,
You swing them strong upside my head.
But what hasn't killed has made me strong,
So I'll take my scars and move along.
I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.
Goodbye is the best way that I know,
To forgive and still be letting go.
I'd rather have sticks and stones and broken bones
than the words you say to me,
Cause I know bruises heal and cuts will seal
but your words beat the life from me.
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